Photo Source: Broken by Kendall Linn
Uncle Khaki’s Cabin
I hadn’t seen him in years.
I hoped he still lived there,
because I had nowhere else to turn.
I rang the doorbell and waited.
Nothing.
I then pounded on the door.
Suddenly,
the door flew open
and a wild and hairy man towered over me,
yelling, “What do you want?”
I quivered with fear,
almost wetting my pants.
“Oh, it’s you,”
said the man matter-of-factly as he stepped off stilts.
“Uncle Khaki?”
“Yeah, kid. It’s me.”
“What’s the big idea of scaring me like that?”
“I got a problem with neighborhood punks
pranking me all the time,
so I put on this getup to frighten them away.”
“Oh, good.” I sighed.
“So that’s just a wig and fake beard?”
“No! This is how I look.
What are you saying, kid?
That people with long hair and beards are scary?”
“What are you saying, Uncle Khaki?
That tall people are scary?”
“Fair enough, kid. Come on in.”
Mitch Hedberg:
I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent.
That’s a bad place for an argument,
because when I tried to walk out,
I had to slam the flap.
How are you supposed to express your anger
in this situation?
Zip it up real quick?
Dean Burkey:
From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures:
Sadly, many campground owners are raving species-ists.
They don’t allow “animals” to stay at their campgrounds.
More sadly, um, sadliericious,
they think of Bigfoot as a hulking animal
and not a big hairy uncle.
Steve Martin:
Well, anyway, um. Oh, this is an interesting thing.
I, uh, gave my cat a bath the other day.
You know I’d always heard
you weren’t supposed to give cats baths,
but my cat came home; and he was really dirty;
and I decided to give him a bath.
And it was great.
If you have a cat, don’t worry about it.
They love it. He sat there. He enjoyed it.
Uh, it was fun for me, you know;
and uh, the fur would stick to my tongue.
But other than that, you know, it was a great.
Brian Regan:
[School Teacher]: “What’s the plural for moose?”
[Young Student Brian Regan]: “Moosen!
I saw a flock of MOOSEN!
There were many of ‘em. Many much moosen.
Out in the woods…in the wood-es…in the woodsen.
The meese want the food in the woodesen…
food is the eatenesen…
the meese want the food in the woodesenes…
food in the woodesenes.”
I believe there is something out there watching us.
Unfortunately, it’s the government.
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