To get back at my boss for firing me,
I tried to slip a Mickey into his drink.
But I messed up.
Instead of a Mickey,
I slipped in a Goofy.
All that did was make him act silly.
Which worked out for me,
because he acted so silly,
he gave me my job back.
But then the drug wore off;
and he fired me again.
So, to stay employed,
I have to keep pumping Goofy into his drinks.
But sometimes I mess up;
and instead of a Goofy,
I slip in a Donald.
And then he spits all over me
when he talks,
so I quit!
The preceding is a work of humor/parody.
Mitch Hedberg:
A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.
Rita Rudner:
I was asking my friend who has children,
“What if I have a baby;
and I dedicate my life to it;
and it grows up to hate me?
And it blames everything wrong with its life on me?”
And she said, “What do you mean, ‘If’?”
Dean Burkey:
Chocolate frosting can turn any sandwich into cake.
George Carlin:
I’m desperately trying to figure out
why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Steven Wright:
I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.
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