I Miss Me So Much; I Didn't Even Know I Was Gone

I Miss Me So Much; 
I Didn't Even Know I Was Gone

by Dean Burkey

I updated my Author's Page at Amazon yesterday. And then this morning, I searched for myself on Google. In doing so, I came across this tombstone: 

Photo Source:
http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pv&GRid=60692206&PIpi=35152445

Gulp! They even got the J right. Other Dean Burkeys have come and gone, but usually Dean's the middle name. 

Well, that explains why that annoying little kid keeps following me around, saying he sees dead people all the time. 

I only say he's annoying, because every time he talks, he fogs up my reading glasses! 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

P.S. This is a work of parody. Haley Joel Osment is an awesome actor and performed magnificently in the role of Cole Sears in "The Sixth Sense". 

P.P.S. If you haven't seen "The Sixth Sense" yet, you won't get the fogs-up-my-reading-glasses reference. (At certain times, when Cole speaks, his breath is misty as if in frigid weather.) 

P.P.P.S. Please visit my Author's Page; and click Like. Thank you!

Published on Sep 1, 2010 by

Thoraxe Impales

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

Christian Comedy Combo Platter!

Christian Comedy Combo Platter!

by Dean Burkey

Book Description

Publication Date: February 23, 2013

Two books in one: “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible” and “Faith like a Ketchup Seed”, updated, with new bonus material not featured in either book before.

Comedian-Written & Pastor-Approved!

Christian comedy!

(Mostly comedy. A few parts are serious. Such as the sad story of an ice cube in “Faith like a Ketchup Seed”. Yeah, that’s right. It melts.)

“Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible”

With the “Divine Comedy” in Scripture, such as Elijah’s sarcastic insults to the prophets of Baal and the slapstick absurdity of David faking insanity, as well as Dean Burkey’s comedic commentary, readers should enjoy laughter of biblical proportions.

And not just any kind of laughter. Holy Laughter!

Which makes this the perfect book for anyone, because everyone needs to laugh.

Especially those who don't think they need to laugh. They need to laugh the most!

Includes lots of funny headings and one-liners, an insightful inspection of the Resurrection of Christ: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used”, “The Ultimate Movie Trailer!”, clever character sketches of Simon Peter, Pontius Pilate, and more!

Play “The Crosscheck Cookie Game!”

Whenever you find a wordplay with the word cross in "Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible": Eat a cookie. ... Or to be more fun: Eat a hot cross bun. ... Or to be healthy, eat a carrot.

“Faith like a Ketchup Seed”

Essays, blog posts, Bible studies, devotions, short stories, stand-up routines, jokes, even a skit and a sci-fi tale. Family-friendly. Sunday school-friendly. Even pulpit-friendly!

Learn my theories that prove the existence of God.

Wonder why an ice cube can make you cry. (I know, I already told you he melts, but why he melts is what makes this story so moving.)

Find out why I’m obsessed with wanting to walk on water.

Laugh guilt-free. If you enjoy “Holy Laughter!”, you’ll love “Faith like a Ketchup Seed” too.

Good, clean fun. And I mean that, in a Godly, Christian way.

The New Bonus Material includes Special Bonus Features for “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible” including Deleted Scenes.

Extra Bonuses include: “The Loving Ten Commandments of God”, “Marry Mary Christmas! 

(A Monologue for Joseph)”, “The Hardest Part about Forgiveness”, “What I Like about the Devil”, “Remember, You’re Already Beautiful”, and my famous funny and/or thought-provoking fillers.

Product Details File Size: 340 KB Publisher: Heaven-Bent (February 23, 2013) Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc. Language: English ASIN: B00BKP6BCU Text-to-Speech: Enabled  X-Ray: Not Enabled  Lending: Enabled

Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey


For more fun with comedy, 
every week day, 
check out: 
Comedy Jokes Blog


Uploaded on Oct 5, 2009 by
KoolAndTheGangVEVO

Book Review: Thinking The Extra

This post is a day early, 

so you’ll have a better chance 

of getting this book for free!

Book Review: 
Thinking The Extra

by Dean Burkey

 

Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BFECQ02

“Thinking the Extra” by Francis Akintola is a quick read.  
But an insightful and informative one too.  

He talks about the something “extra” that separates the successful people from the masses as the subtitle promises: “Discover the Untapped Secrets of Successful People”. 

English is obviously not Mr. Akintola’s first language.  

Although his book is brief and to the point, some of those points needed deciphering. 

I don’t begrudge his grammatical errors or misuse of words, because he seems to be writing from a well-meaning perspective.  

On the other hand, I laughed out loud when he left the letter “h” out of the word “farthest”, creating this sentence: “The man who get fartest in life is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.”

Despite all that, he makes excellent points about how we should view/use Time, Information, Money, Debt, Risk, and Failure. 

After reading this book, you’ll want to read more!  (According to the author, Trump reads at least two books a week.)  

I enjoyed it, and hope you do too.  

I got it free yesterday.  If you hurry, it may still be free today.  

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

Uploaded on Apr 9, 2011 by
MichaelJacks0nVevo

Official music video for "Man In The Mirror" by Michael Jackson, 

available on Michael Jackson: Moonwalker. 
Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures. 
© 2012 Ultimate Productions 
© 1988 Original sound recording made by MJJ Productions Inc.

 


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He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

He’s Got the Whole World 
in His Hands

by Dean Burkey

Photo Source:
http://www.freestockphotos.biz/stockphoto/1239

Whenever people sing “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”, especially when everyone’s clapping, I like to say: “Here’s hoping He doesn’t clap along.” 

After the Fall, when Eve started to nag, did Adam ask God, “Dear Lord, can I have my rib back?” 

Or maybe: “I’ve got another rib I can spare, what else You got?”

Is that where we get the phrase: “Spare ribs”?

And poor Eve.  She was stuck with Adam.  With no one else around, she couldn’t explore any other options.  

Flawed as he was though, he was still better than a flea-ridden orangutan. 

If only for lack of Febreze and breath mints.  

It’s not like she needed him to move a piano or change a tire.  

While Adam’s gardening all day, Eve stays home and plays Suzie Cavemaker.  

And this was long before handy dandy vacuum cleaners and Easy Bake Ovens.  

Adam was no picnic either.  He’d come home from a hard day of tilling the ground and gripe about whatever Eve prepared.  “Apple Fritters again?!”  

Eve would roll her eyes and sigh, upset that he hadn’t noticed her new fig-leaf apron.  “Oh sure, now you won’t eat the apple!”

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

Uploaded on Jul 5, 2011 by
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** Even if you don’t have a Kindle, you can still enjoy these FREE books by clicking this link: FREE Kindle Reading Apps or the banner at the top or the bottom of this page.

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Oh Honeybell, Orange You Glad I Found You?

Oh Honeybell, 
Orange You Glad I Found You?

by Dean Burkey

Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0096SUWMI

Oh Honeybell, Honeybell, 

Orange You Glad I Finally Found You? 

Saturday, I went to Florida Southern College to enjoy an outdoor concert performed by the Marshall Tucker Band. After their rousing round of “Can’t You See?”, I walked toward the stage, as did several other fine folks. I can’t be sure about this, but for some reason, Marshall Tucker looked at me and said, “Hi Cleatus.” 

Everyone looked around to see to whom he spoke. I looked around too. But unfortunately, I didn’t see anyone else in his line of sight. Maybe it was my red cap. Or my wind-blown hair. My leather jacket? I’d hate to think I have a Cleatus face. 

No offense to anyone named Cleatus. 

If Cleatus is who you are and what you want to do with your life, you go be the best Cleatus the world has ever seen. 

I support you in all your Cleatus endeavors.

(Within reason. I really do think it unnecessary to tip over cows.) 

(Regardless of what you may be thinking: That is not how you make a milk shake.) 

But being Cleatus is not my chosen path. 

At least, not at this time. 

Although now that I think about it, I can see some sweet possibilities. I could join the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Hang out with Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, and the other guy*. 

We could have a five-man show. Groupies named Daisy May could bake me apple pies and make me mint juleps!

(I don’t even know what those are, but they sound fun.) 

So maybe being Cleatus would be pretty good after all. 

(The only downside would be that by being the fifth member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, I’d never get a piece of a Kit Kat bar!) 

Of course, I just thought of that now. Saturday though, I was still a bit dazed by it all. 

Besides, feeling dazed, and somewhat stupefied, I felt hungry, so on my way home, I stopped an old Beverage Castle that now sells produce. I wandered around, trying to decide what I would actually eat. (I used to buy various fruits an vegetables, which I knew I should eat, but never seemed to get around to in time.) 

Produce is healthy, but the thing to remember with produce is that as soon you buy it: “The clock’s ticking people! This is not a drill!” 

Maybe this should be an adage: 

Healthy food spoils. 

Unhealthy food lasts forever. 

Like Twinkies. (Or the Golden Sponge Cake Formerly Known as Twinkies.) 

And like McDonald’s French Fries. (See “Super-Size Me”. Or don’t. I warn you, you will never want McDonald’s food again; nor possibly any fast food.) 

Addendum: 

Most healthy food spoils. 

Fun Food Fact: Honey is the only healthy food that doesn’t spoil. 

At the register, I noticed a sign regarding organic oranges, so I asked about those. Hearing me mention oranges, the checkout lady asked if I wanted to try a Honeybell Orange. I’d never heard of those before. And like I said, I felt hungry, so I ate the sample slice. Wow! That one bite ruined me on regular oranges. 

Although I would’ve preferred to purchase organic oranges, I bought Honeybells instead. They’re so delicious, that unless they’re glowing from exposure to radioactive elements, I’d ... never mind, I’d still eat them! But I’d be sure to wear a Hazmat suit. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean
a. k. a. Country Comic Cleatus

P. S. Your pal Cleatus says: “If you ain’t eatin’ Honeybell Oranges, you ain’t nothin’ but a ... Non-Honeybell-Orange-Eater! Catch ya’ll later crock o’ gator!” 

* Ron White. 

Uploaded on Feb 26, 2010 by
QVC

 
  

Currently* FREE* 
on Amazon Kindle**:

 


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* The prices for these books (and most** of the MP3s) were FREE at the time of this posting, but the prices are subject to change at any time, so be sure to get your FREE copies while you can. Just be sure the book listing says “Kindle Price: $0.00”. If the price has gone up, some of these aren’t that costly in the first place anyway.

** Even if you don’t have a Kindle, you can still enjoy these FREE books by clicking this link: FREE Kindle Reading Apps or the banner at the top or the bottom of this page.

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