Monday, November 24, 2014

Give Thanks and Be Happy

 
Photo Source: Thanksgiving-1 by Peggy Sue

Give Thanks 
& 
Be Happy
Give Thanks
& 
Be Happy!

Sounds simple enough. 

So let's all give that a try. 

I'll start by listing three things 
for which I'm thankful: 

Chocolate, 
Comedy, 
& 
Hilarious Hotties with Hearts of Gold. 

(They don't all have to start 
with the same letter.) 

(I know those didn't all start 
with the same letter.) 

(I'm just saying 
they don't have to ...) 

So anyway, ... 

I'm Also Thankful For: 

 Readers of my blog. 
(Even if I don't know who you are!)

 The ImprovAddicts. 
(An improv troupe of which I'm a part.) 

My job. 
(The proceeds from which 
will help me change the world.) 

The pleasant people in my life. 
(Even when I don't have time to tell them that.) 

 And apparently parentheses. 
(Just because the right one 
can make smiley faces!)

 ;o)

Your turn! 

What are three (or more) things 
for which you are thankful? 


Razzle-Dazzle with Zazzle

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Rooftop Comedy's Thanksgiving 

- Feast Of Funny

Published on Nov 20, 2012 by
For More Thanksgiving Fun, 
Enjoy These Previous Posts: 



Iliza Shlesinger 

- Eating Around Men 

(Stand up Comedy)

Published on Sep 11, 2013 by
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Monday, November 17, 2014

My One Major Flaw


My One Major Flaw

After much introspection and life analysis, I discovered I have a major flaw. 

 (Brief intermission while all the fans of How I Met Your Mother salute and say: “Major flaw!”) 

 (Announcer: “We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.”) 

 My one big drawback is indecisiveness. 

 I think. 

 No, no, yes, yes, maybe. 

 Definitely indecisiveness. 

 Well, maybe not definitely. 

 Maybe not even indecisiveness at all. 

 I guess I can’t say not at all. 

 Hmm. Maybe I’m indecisive. 

 And maybe I’m not. 

 Who can say for sure? 

 Our own level of indecisiveness is probably just one of those things no one can really decide anyway. 

 Come back next week when I share the cure for procrastination. 

 That’s next week. 

 Or maybe the week after that. 

 Or the week after that. 

 Or ... 


Indecision

Published on Mar 20, 2013 by

Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.jokes.stevenredhead.com/CleverOneLiners.html)
Indecision is the key to flexibility.

 Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.sickipedia.org/tv/film-movie/the-first-rule-of-indecisive-club-is-you-dont-talk-868922)
The first rule of indecisive club, 
is you don't talk about indecisive club. 
... Or not, it's up to you.

 Dean Burkey:
I’m really bad about procrastinating. 
I keep meaning to put things off. 
Maybe I’ll procrastinate tomorrow. 

 Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.sickipedia.org/other/random/i-like-to-think-of-bungee-jumping-as-suicide-for-692942)
I like to think of bungee jumping 
as suicide for indecisive people.

 Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.sickipedia.org/other/wordplay/when-i-had-a-go-at-rowing-i-was-so-808468)
When I had a go at rowing I was so Indecisive 
I couldn't choose either oar.

A Comedian's View on Postmodernism

Uploaded on Jul 26, 2008 by

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Monday, November 10, 2014

Vegan Gators & Veggie Sharks


Vegan Gators 
& 
Veggie Sharks

Don’t think you’re safe, just because you swim upon a vegan gator, or a veggie shark. 

 In the murky waters in which they dwell, and through their thick, clouded corneas, to them you look just like a screaming, splashing carrot. 

 Or a spastic serving of succotash. 

 And once they bite into you, all they see is ketchup. 


carrot top STARSEARCH

Published on Jun 24, 2012 by
Carrot Top

 Mitch Hedberg:
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. 
I like when a guy is already in there, 
I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” 
Then I go turn the heat up; 
and I add some carrots and onions. 

Brian Regan: 
My doctor also told me to, uh, 
you know, uh, eat more fruit. 
So, I had some Pop Tarts this morning. 
Nice thin layer in there. 

 Mitch Hedberg:
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. 
I tried to make it at home. 
There’s more to it than that. 

 Dean Burkey:
(From “How to Write Comedy Jokes: 
How to Write All Kinds of Comedy Jokes Book 1”): 
If only more people would become vegetarians, 
we’d get seated quicker at the steakhouse.

 Mitch Hedberg:
If carrots got you drunk, 
rabbits would be messed up.

The vegetable "crisper" (Mark Schiff) 

- very funny stand-up comedy

Uploaded on Jul 11, 2011 by

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Monday, November 3, 2014

So Long Superman


So Long Superman



Has anyone talked to Superman lately? 
I just don’t get that guy. 
I kept thinking of how he’s always helping others; 
and no one seems to do anything for him. 
Except for maybe Lois Lane, 
but that’s none of my business. 
Source: http://memebase.cheezburger.com/puns/tag/superman

 So I thought I’d get him a thank you gift 
for stopping all those meteorites 
from hitting the Daily Planet building. 
I thought long and hard and realized 
he could make whatever he wanted 
the way he wanted it 
much better than anything I could make 
or buy for him. 
But then it hit me! 
A fragment from his home planet. 

So I gave him one. 
And, of course, I put it in a lead box 
so I wouldn’t ruin the surprise. 
And I wrote a nice note, 
‘cause that’s what I do. 
But it’s been six weeks; 
and I haven’t heard a word from him. 
Not a thank you. 
Nothing. 

Even Clark Kent, 
my main contact when trying to reach Superman, 
won’t return my calls. 
His receptionist covers for him really well too, 
always acting like he’s not there; 
she doesn’t know where he is; 
and no one’s heard from him in six weeks. 
I don’t get it. 
I’m just trying to be a nice guy. 

What else can I do to be nice? 
Hmm, 
maybe I can give a Samson a haircut. 

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

Uploaded on Nov 21, 2009 by

 Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/superherojokes.html)
Q: What did Superman say 
when he married two women on the same day? 
A: "That's mighty bigamy!"  
Q: What did Lex Luthor say 
when he did the same thing, 
then killed the women? 
A: "That's awful bigamy!"  

 Dean Burkey: 
“What? Superman? You’re allergic to green rocks? 
I thought you were allergic to dairy. 
Or gluten.” 

Superman & Seinfeld American Express Commercial 1

Uploaded on Feb 6, 2007 by

 Author Unknown: 
(From: My Username at https://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100521012822AA8AtsC)
Superman and Chuck Norris 
once bet on an arm wrestling match. 
The loser had to wear his underwear 
on the outside of his clothes.

 Dean Burkey:
I have a friend who’s crazy about “Smallville.” 
Sure, it’s a fascinating show. 
But it’s not real. 
That’s not how Superman and Lois Lane really met.

The Dark Knight Meets Superman

Uploaded on Jul 15, 2009 by

Dean Burkey:
What's the one thing Superman has 
that Batman doesn't have?
(Besides flight, super strength, super hearing, 
super vision, heat vision, super speed, etc.)
... A super hot cousin: 
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