Euell Gibbons used to do ads for Grape Nuts
where he’d hold up a pine cone;
and say,
“Ever eat a pine cone?
Many parts are edible.”
And then he’d talk about
how much he enjoys Grape Nuts.
Well, of course, he likes them.
They’re a step up from eating pine cones.
And if that testimony wasn’t bad enough.
Shortly thereafter, he died.
Of natural causes.
Perhaps a pine cone lodged in his windpipe.
The Heimlich Maneuver can only do so much.
At some point, you gotta figure,
it doesn’t make sense to eat trees.
‘Cause sometimes the bark does have bite.
Uploaded on Aug 14, 2011 by
Michael Lockrey
Rita Rudner:
Someday I want to be rich.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity.
That’s how rich I want to be.
Phyllis Diller:
By far the most common craving of pregnant women
is not to be pregnant.
Dean Burkey:
Everyone’s crazy in one way or another.
At least I use my insanity for the forces of good.
Rodney Dangerfield:
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake.
He told me, “Wait till it gets warmer.”
Steven Wright:
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there,
the guy was locking the front door.
I said,
“Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.”
He goes: “Not in a row!”
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