Photo Source: US Capitol by Peter Griffin
Attention Politicians!
but logic seems perfectly absurd to the insane.
And most politicians could go either way.
Do politicians pay taxes?
They should pay more than any of us,
because they still get the same pay
even after their term ends.
Ergo, thus, and therefore:
They should pay an exorbitant
They’re-Lucky-They-Ever-Got-Elected Tax.
Attention Politicians!
If you have to lie to make the world a better place,
you are not making the world a better place.
And if you just want to tell us
what we want to hear anyway,
tell us how good-looking we are
and how any supermodel would be lucky to have us.
And that we have nice dimples.
George Carlin:
The real reason that we can’t have
the Ten Commandments in a courthouse:
You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,”
“Thou shalt not commit adultery,”
and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building
full of lawyers, judges, and politicians.
It creates a hostile work environment.
Phyllis Diller:
Cleaning your house while your kids are still at home
is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
Dean Burkey
From Exit Strategies:
Holding his racquetball racket, Dennis pounded on the door. “Open up, Captain Death! It’s time for your last breath!”
He kicked at the door, stubbing his toe,
but not budging the door.
“Know you’ve got my sister in there!”
He smashed his shoulder into the door that refused to open.
“Don’t worry, Patty. Still gonna rescue you!
Just might take a little longer!”
He kicked, punched, pounded,
and flung himself against the door, all to no avail.
“Be patient!”
Exhausted, panting, Dennis slumped to the ground,
causing the welcome mat to slide to the side,
revealing a key.
He held the key
as if wielding the mystical sword of Excalibur.
Okay.
Next time some psycho creep kidnaps my sister,
check for a key, before busting my shoulder.
Steven Wright:
Right now,
I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Jerry Seinfeld:
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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