Apple Pie Hubbub

"Apple Pie Hubbub"*

* The title is written by Steve Martin.

But the apple jokes are written by me.
(If it makes you feel any better,
at the end, I include some Steve Martin jokes
and a funny video of him on The Tonight Show.)
by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source:
http://www.freestockphotos.biz/stockphoto/10670

An American Pie Display 

With Apples, A Flag, And Baseball Equipment

by: Scott Bauer acquired from USDA ARS (Website)

Apple pie’s delicious. 

But I still can’t help thinking: 

Sure it’s yummy and all, 

but isn’t this what got us kicked out of Paradise? 

If not for apple pie, we’d live wonderful lives 

where every day’s extreme casual Friday’s 
with perfect hotties. 

Stupid yummy pie! 

Remember when a certain fast-food place 

always bragged about their hot apple pies? 

That was quite a selling point, 

until customers started getting scalded and sued. 

Here’s my ad idea 
for hot apple pie: 

“You know you’re going to burn 

your mouth on something. 

So why not make it something delicious? 

Try our new and improved, 

hotter-than-ever, hot apple pie. 

It’s like a tasty inferno in your mouth! 

Like your mouth’s being burned 

with the best flavor ever!” 

That should send sales through the roof! 

“Warmhearted on the inside, but crusty on the outside? 

You make your old man sound like an apple pie.” 

“Oh no, he’s not an American.” 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

P.S. 
Steve Martin wrote these jokes: 

Steve Martin:
I bought some pretty good stuff. 
Got me a $300 pair of socks. 
I got a fur sink. 
Oh, let’s see, electric dog polisher. 
That was a good investment. 
Gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. 
And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff too.

Steve Martin:
I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, 
but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days. 

Steve Martin:
Boy, those French. 
They have a different word for everything.

Steve Martin:
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. 
I hate necks.

Steve Martin:
After politely asking for a blue spot, 
which he doesn’t receive, 
Steve Martin escalates in fury: 
“And I come out and I’m giving and I’m giving 
and I’m giving and I keep giving 
and I give some more; 
and I make a simple request. 
I say, hey, could I possibly have a blue spot? 
But I guess the lighting crew feels they know 
a little bit more about show business than I do, 
although I’ve been in the business a few years 
and I think I know what works best. 
I’m sorry, but I am angry. 
I come out here and I can’t get 
a little cooperation from the backstage crew? 
Well, excuuuuuuussssssse meeeeeee!!!!!” 

Steve Martin Has to Leave

Uploaded on Aug 2, 2011 by
johnnycarson