The Best
American Comedy Routine
American Comedy Routine
Abbott & Costello are awesome!
Arguably the best comedy team ever!
True kings of comedy.
When I was a child,
I remember feeling elated to find
the book "Who's on First?".
Edited by Richard J. Anobile,
the book featured pictures of their funniest scenes
from their movies,
with the dialogue printed in word balloons,
like a comic book with photographs!
I still love this book:
Here they are performing their most famous routine:
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea.
If this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
George Burns:
Sincerity is everything.
If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Author Unknown:
An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral.
"You have him in a brown suit
nd I wanted him in a blue suit"
The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am"
and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
George Carlin:
In football you wear a helmet;
in baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs;
baseball is concerned with ups.
In football you receive a penalty;
in baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick;
in baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Author Unknown:
If you don't pay your exorcist,
will you get repossessed?
Jon Stewart:
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way.
I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house,
we had an enormous feast,
and then I killed them and took their land.
If this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
George Burns:
Sincerity is everything.
If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Author Unknown:
An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral.
"You have him in a brown suit
nd I wanted him in a blue suit"
The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am"
and yells back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
George Carlin:
In football you wear a helmet;
in baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs;
baseball is concerned with ups.
In football you receive a penalty;
in baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick;
in baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Author Unknown:
If you don't pay your exorcist,
will you get repossessed?
Jon Stewart:
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way.
I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house,
we had an enormous feast,
and then I killed them and took their land.
Another hilarious routine of theirs:
