What would I do with a billion dollars?
I'd become a superhero.
No billionaire is doing that!
No one is doing that.
At least, not to the degree of a billionaire.
The Viper calling the local police station at the first sign of danger doesn't count. (No offense to the Viper. Even he will admit billions of dollars would up the ante of his crime-fighting efforts. Maybe get him unlimited texting and data. But then again, he may have already retired. A change in phone plans may have foiled him.)
The Viper
Photo Source: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/63950
The government should charge a hefty Non-Superhero Tax to billionaires who aren't superheroes, to fund folks who want to be superheroes, but can't afford the exorbitant costs of costuming and gadgetry.
Okay, sure. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and other billionaires fund foundations and make donations to help others. And thus, they save countless lives. But none of them do so while wearing Spandex!
No mask. No cape. Probably not even matching boots and a utility belt.
Okay, maybe a utility belt. But not a cool utility belt. Nothing with web fluid or bat ropes.
I'd have the obligatory Burkey Manor mansion/estate with the Dean-Poles hidden behind a secret revolving bookcase that would let me slide down to the Dean-Cave at a moment's notice.
I would also have the super-fast, fuel-efficient, nuclear-powered (if need be), bulletproof, bombproof, laser-firing, missile-launching (only when necessary), knockout gas-spraying Dean-Mobile.
* What?
A quick tank with a mortar launcher would be better
than a slow Corolla with a slingshot.
And, of course, the Dean-Mobile would have patent leather seats. A mini fridge stocked with various forms of chocolate. And a spacious trunk for hauling evildoers to justice.
And maybe a built-in Blu-Ray player for when I get bored on stakeouts.
I'd also have the Dean-Plane, the Dean-Boat, the Dean-Submarine, and the Dean-Space Shuttle.
And maybe a nice hammock in the backyard for my days off.
With the extra billions I'd make from Burkey Enterprises and Dean-Man merchandising rights, I'd produce family-friendly sitcoms and hilarious movies to bring clean comedy to the world. Make a hundred billion dollars to end famine in Africa. And create a delicious chocolate candy that cures cancer. Or at the very least alleviates hunger pangs.
I'm fully aware that wealth is a super power in and of itself. I also understand that "with great power comes great responsibility," as Stan Lee stated in Amazing Fantasy # 15. That's why, besides becoming a superhero to inspire the masses, creating clean comedy to entertain the world, ending disease with chocolate, and eradicating global famine, I'd do what every billionaire should do. I mean, this should be the whole point of becoming a billionaire! (Besides the aforementioned benefits to mankind.) ...
Create supermodel clones!
Once I've accomplished all that, I'd want to hurry home to my trophy wife Colbie Caillat, so we can make beautiful music together. ;o)
** What?
Any woman who sings "I Do"
obviously wants to marry a superhero.
That's just common sense.
And then we can retire on a remote private island where the beaches are made of pancakes; and the ocean waves are maple syrup.
Blessings & Joy,
Dean
* Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002DMWLK0 on behalf of InAir Classic Armour E-Z Build M3 Lee Tank Model Kit.
** Photo Source: www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005AAFQ7C on behalf of Universal Republic Records, a division of UMG Recordings, Inc.
* Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002DMWLK0 on behalf of InAir Classic Armour E-Z Build M3 Lee Tank Model Kit.
** Photo Source: www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005AAFQ7C on behalf of Universal Republic Records, a division of UMG Recordings, Inc.
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