Weird Products
That Actually Make Sense
That Actually Make Sense
What makes this first product weird? You take your temperature (or someone else's, if you know them well enough; and you're in a committed relationship) without the thermometer making contact!
The weird part would be, since you're not making contact, how can you be sure whose temperature you're getting? Especially since these cost so much!
Such a device makes sense if you're scared of coming into contact with a thermometer. People don't like to talk about it, but Thermometer-Phobia's one of the fastest growing phobias in the world. Next to fear of government and fear of women who wear too much makeup.
All of which makes perfect sense, you don't want to come into contact with a thermometer for fear of becoming Patient Zero. With so many epidemic movies out there, it's a wonder we leave the house. I mean, those that do.
Of course, we fear the government. They hide all the cures in a vault next to the formula for Coca-Cola, the secret recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken, and the plans for a free limitless energy source. Plus, deep down, though we hate to admit, we know that the politicians are Lizard People.
And we fear women who wear too much makeup, because, let's face it, nowadays, they might not be women. The could be dudes in drag. Or more Lizard People*. Or worse, Lizard dudes in drag.
* For more info about Lizard People, see my post: As You Celebrate Independence Day, Ask Yourself This:
Product Features
- Non-Contact - Takes a temperature without touching the skin
- Hygienically Safe - Non-contact feature reduces the possibility of germ transfer to others
- Fast - 1 second infrared reading
- Easy to use - One button operation
- Clinically Accurate
Product Description
Thermofocus is the most advanced, clinically accurate and totally safe device to measure body temperature on the market today. Convenient and easy to use, Thermofocus uses internationally patented, state-of-the-art Infrared technology. Indeed, it is the first and only FDA registered “non-contact” medical thermometer. The device enables the temperature of adults and children to be taken without touching the skin, simply by moving the thermometer close to the forehead at the distance indicated by the device. With Thermofocus, there is no need to place the thermometer into any part of your or your baby’s body. A sleeping baby (or patient) will not be awakened when Thermofocus is used nor will they be caused any discomfort by the device if they are awake. This Non-Contact, totally Hygienically Safe device helps avoid the spread of contact-transferred illnesses from one family member to another or from one patient to another. Measures in Fahrenheit or Centigrade. Recalls previous 9 readings from memory. Extra added features: also measures baby bottle temperature, bath water, food, ambient room temperatures or other surface temperatures. Manufacturer’s 2 year warranty.
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This second one makes sense because you need a clear area from which to take better control of your shot.
Plus, it'd be so much fun making the commercials for this.
"It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!" "It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!"
The sun sets. As an owl hoots, we still hear voices carrying on so: "It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!" "It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!"
A rooster crows. The debate still continues. "It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!" "It's a driver!" "It's a weed-whacker!"
Tempers flare. The sun also rises.
Big Daddy Driver
Product Features
- This is the #1 Unique Golf Gift
- It's a weed whacker that really works!
- Guaranteed 100%
- Truly the best golf gift you can give!
- AA Batteries included
Product Description
Big Daddy Driver. Fore! Big laughs on the links are in the bag. It may look like an ordinary driver... but it's way more fun than that. Inside, the Big Daddy holds a secret (no, nothing like Tiger Woods): a working weed-whacker, powered by just a few batteries! Guaranteed to improve your lie. Legal on the course? Nah. But golf's about having a good time, and believe me, you pull this out next round and the boys'll have a hoot... we here know this for a fact. Because we golf. Badly. Includes 6 AA batteries. Not to be used as a golf club. Order yours today! Big Daddy Driver
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This last one makes logical sense if you're a Trekkie. I'm not a Trekkie, per se. But I'm also not anti-Trekkie. I support your right to choose your favorite sci-fi series.
Regrettably, I don't dream in Klingon. 'Cause I'm sure that would be fun.
But hey, if you like Star Trek; and you like pizza; (and how could you not like pizza?), this next weird product makes perfect sense.
If you don't like Star Trek and/or pizza, then okay, this product doesn't make sense for you. But it was too cool not to include!
Product Description
From the Manufacturer
Boldly go where no pizza has gone before with Think Geek's Star Trek Pizza Cutter. The classic Matt Jeffries's design of the USS Enterprise is uniquely suited to become the only pizza cutter you need on the final frontier. With its saucer cutter made of laser-etched stainless steel and a zinc-chromium alloy secondary hull and warp nacelles for you to grip, this pizza cutter is the only logical thing to use.
Product Description
Slices Pies At Warp Speed Now you can own this genuine, licensed U.S.S. Enterprise" pizza cutter, formerly available only through Federation Restaurant Supply depots. And only to Star Trek" mess personnel. The solid zinc-alloy, chromium-plated body is in the shape of the starship itself. It's 8-1/2" long overall, with a 4" dia cutting wheel marked "USS Enterprise NCC-1701." Gift-boxed for your favorite Trekker. Functions well in zero gravity, but not for use on Tribbles.
COMING MONDAY: This Is Crazy! A Call Me Maybe Exposé: Uncovering the secrets behind Carly Rae Jepsen’s hit song that they don’t want you to know!
COMING WEDNESDAY: Joining the Dark Side
COMING NEXT FRIDAY: Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks*
* They make me call them that. But I have a different nickname for them.
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