Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Full Psych Theme Song with 3 Verses!

Full Psych Theme Song with 3 Verses!


Uploaded by  on Dec 22, 2010

That's a "live" version, click here for the studio version:
Uploaded by  on Jan 2, 2012

"I Know You Know"
(A.k.a. The "Psych" Theme Song)

Music and Lyrics written by Steve Franks.
Performed by Friendly Indians.

Verse 1
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity
I'm not inclined to resign to maturity
If it's alright, then you're all wrong
But why bounce around to the same down song

Verse to Chorus Transition
You'd rather run when you can't crawl

Chorus
I know you know that I'm not telling the truth
I know you know they just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception, learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end

Verse 2
In the realm of compliments there isn't any higher
than a fabricated misdirection fashioned by a liar
You think you hate all that you love
Acting so surprised when it fits you like a glove

Verse 3
You want to find the answers and I offer a solution
The happy one has got a dose of healthy disillusion
If it's a game they want to play
Better load the dice 'cause they'll do it anyway

Verse to Chorus Transition
You'd rather run when you can't crawl

Chorus
I know you know that I'm not telling the truth
I know you know they just don't have any proof
Embrace the deception, learn how to bend
Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end

Ending
I know you know
I know you know
I know you know
I know you know


Friday, May 25, 2012

Funny Thing Is ...

Funny Thing Is ...

There are two things you need to know about me, two very important things: One, I always mean well. Two, most of what I say is meant to be funny. And three, sometimes I say more than I should. 

My top two favorite TV shows are both about fake psychics. (Psych and The Mentalist.) What does that say about me? I think we’re all posers, painfully aware of the Grand Illusion? Or I just enjoy entertaining shows with captivating characters, clever mysteries, and hilarious humor. 

I went to an art celebration last weekend. Part of the fun was a photo room with a starry backdrop and a table of props. So I dressed up and posed to play along. Being careful to wear a mask! Dont want people to see me looking silly. But wearing a mask doesn’t do any good when you get tagged on Facebook! I wonder if that ever happened to Batman.

If any one of three certain women ever proposed to me, I would say, “Yes.” But I’d never propose to any of them, because one’s engaged, one’s dating a cop, and one’s an imaginary Martian named Matilda. 

Okay, two out of three. ‘Cause I’d propose to Matilda. Antennas turn me on! (Plus, she’s invisible and may be looking over my shoulder right now, so I have to say whatever makes her happy.) 

(Funny Thing Is ... Although shes an imaginary being from a supposedly superior race, she cant read inside parentheses. Must be a Martian thing.)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Tragedy: Remembering Robin Gibb and the BeeGees

Tragedy: 
Remembering Robin Gibb 
and the BeeGees

Apparently, I’m not a big news guy; 
I just found out that Robin Gibb died. 

Uploaded by  on Feb 12, 2011


I was a BeeGees’ fan when it was popular to be one; and when it wasn’t. In many ways, the BeeGees taught me songwriting, a skill I don’t exercise like I used to, but hope to resume soon. Two of the first songbooks I had were The BeeGees Volume 1 and Volume 2 which I bought at Spec’s Music while still in high school. (I learned from a made-easy for guitar John Denver songbook too. And, of course, the Beatles!) 

Whether you liked the BeeGees or not, they were topnotch songwriters, writing hits for other artists besides themselves. Often writing their best songs for others. Generous, good-natured, fun-loving, strong family people. At least that’s my impression. 

Uploaded by  on Dec 30, 2010

A lesser known song of theirs that I like a lot is “Sea of Smiling Faces”. Has such a happy lilt to it. The world needs more happy music. I also like the imagery and melodies of “How Deep Is Your Love?” And the driving bass riff of “Tragedy”. 

I think they invented disco, to one degree or another. They certainly put it on the musical map. 

Driving over a bridge in Miami, Barry noticed the rhythm of the bridge’s slats beneath his car’s wheels. That rhythm inspired “Jive Talking” which became a big hit for them and helped to re-launch their careers. 

The music producer on “Nights on Broadway” asked if they could scream in harmony. Or melodically. Or in key. Something like that. So Barry tried it; and that’s how they got their falsetto sound. 

Uploaded by  on Jan 17, 2010

But long before that, they thrived as a vital part of the British invasion, following the mega-success of the Beatles. With hits like “Words”, “To Love Somebody”, and “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?” 

Somehow, they languished, or fell out of favor. I don’t know. But “Jive Talking” and “Nights on Broadway” jumpstarted their career. 

And the soundtrack to “Saturday Night Fever” took them out of orbit, making them mega-stars, global sensations. 

Sadly, they became so popular, that they became unpopular. They got so much airplay, that some people got sick of them and started to mock them. Like the scene in “Airplane” where the plane knocks over the radio tower of the station playing disco; and everybody cheers. 

What grosses me out is when Denis Leary, the comedian, also an actor who plays Captain Stacy in the new Spider-Man movie, talked about how glad he was when a BeeGee died. Might have been after Andy died. How sick is that? To me, that’s not comedy. That’s cruel and heartless. 

I feel saddest for Barry. Although the oldest brother of the four, he outlived them all. He must be devastated. First, Andy’s death; and then Maurice’s, both tore him apart. He struck me as being a caring big brother. Helped Andy with his hits. And spoke of him with pride. How does he fill the role of big brother now? 

He’s on my list of people I want to meet. Along with Stan Lee, Jackie Chan, Michael J. Fox, Woody Allen, Steve Martin, and Brian Regan. And Duane Johnson, so I can pitch him a script. And, of course, Colbie Callait, so we can make beautiful music together.

The BeeGees made their living making people feel good with their music. They also used the song royalties from “Too Much Heaven” to help children around the world via UNICEF. So let’s remember them fondly. And let’s pray for Barry and other family members and loved ones of Robin Gibb to be able to work through their grief as constructively as possible. 

Thursday, May 17, 2012

"Faith like a Ketchup Seed" Is Now on Kindle!






By the author of Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible comes a collection of Christian comedy: Essays, blog posts, Bible studies, devotions, short stories, stand-up routines, even a skit and a sci-fi tale.


Family-friendly. Sunday school-friendly. Even pulpit-friendly!


The Table of Contents

“Proverbs, Parables, & Ponderings” 
“A Godly, Christian Way” 
“Thank God I’m Not God” 
“The Water-Walking Shuffle” 
“Divinity Is Hard!” 
“The Dissected Body of Christ” 
“Second Baptist Church” 
“God’s Biggest Mistake” 
“Too Lazy to Feed the Lions” 
“The Mediocre Samaritan” 
“What Would Jesus Do?” 
“Fast Food Royalty” 
“Sometimes I Pray with a British Accent” 
“How to Sanctify Unsavory Songs” 
“Facebook Fun” 
“You’re a Christian What?!” 
“Breakfast Cereals of the Bible 
and the People Who Love Them” 
“Satan’s Cereals” 
“Repossessed” 
“Forward Phobia: Evil Emails” 
“Who Was the Greatest Comedian in the Bible?” 
“The Comedy Concept 
Behind ‘Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible’” 
“Divine Definitions” 
“Hey Dude! Hey!” 
“Stalker Almighty” 
“Across the Multiverse” 
“What If People in the Bible 
Had Their Own Games?” 
“May I Ask You 
an Intensely Personal Question?” 
“Upside-Down Sharks 
Prove the Existence of God” 
“Lessons from the Yard” 
Church Skit: “Interview with Jesus” 
“For Best Results” 
“An Ice Memoir 
(One Molecule Can Make a Difference) 
“Jojo: 3:16” 
“Why Do I Want to Walk on Water?” 
“Life’s Most Profound Question”.

Parody, satire, silliness. Some strong theological points. Mostly comedy. The skit gets serious; and so does what my pastor calls the strangest telling of the Gospel ever: An Ice Memoir (One Molecule Can Make a Difference).


Only $2.99 for about 18,000 words. Thats lots of laughs for less than a gallon of gas. 


Learn my theories that prove the existence of God. Wonder why an ice cube can make you cry. Find out why Im obsessed with wanting to walk on water. Laugh guilt-free.


If you enjoy Holy Laughter!, youll love this too.


Good, clean fun.


And I mean that, in a Godly, Christian way.





Dean Burkey


P.S. Enjoy my other Kindle comedy book too:



            
Only $2.99 each!
Lots of laughs for less than a gallon of gas!
Funny Fun for Teens and Adults. 
No foul language, except as noted in Exit Strategies.
Seasons Without Reason: Funny short stories. Quirky vignettes. Parodies, Spoofs. Silly fun. Over two dozen. Each one’s different. Some adult themes. Secular. Varies from G to PG-13.
Monster Laughs: Comedy novel about a Paranormal Investigator who battles monsters. Dracula, The Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. Silly fun. Some adult themes, more or less. Each chapter stands on its own, while a story weaves its way throughout the book. Secular. PG-13.
Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible: Humor in the Bible, plus comedic commentary. Christian. Focuses on the Funny throughout, but still gives the Gospel message at the end and in the Resurrection section: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used.” G. 
Exit Strategies: Novella. Comedy, drama, romance. Criminal activity, adult themes/situations, more or less. Secular. PG-13. The most intense of the four. (Uses the word the King James Bible uses for donkey.)
The best deals on a cost-per-word basis are 
are both under 30,000 words each. 
Your best bet?
Pick the one that interests you the most!
Click each title to find out more about each one.
If you don’t have a Kindle, 
click the Free Kindle Reading Apps’ banner above 
to download Kindle Cloud Reader onto your computer for free.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Movie Review: One for the Money



This movie stars Katherine Heigl; 
and it's not a chick flick!
That's all you need to know.

But I will elaborate a bit: Based on a best-selling book my Mom enjoyed, this film's a fun flick about a woman forced by financial difficulties to become a Bounty Hunter. Funny, snappy banter. Intriguing suspense. Crime mystery. A Girl Power movie, but in a macho format, so this should be great for couples. 


A comedy thriller with the best of both worlds. 




My newest comedy Kindle book 
"Faith Like a Ketchup Seed" is on the way!
Should be available by Friday.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Important Health Information: Johns Hopkins Cancer Update‏

Important Health Information: 
Johns Hopkins Cancer Update‏

Illustration of a radioactive symbol

The following information comes from a forwarded email.


THIS IS AMAZING INFORMATION ON WHAT FEEDS CANCER, AND WHAT OTHER TREATMENT IS AVAILABLE. PLEASE READ AND PASS ON TO YOUR LOVED ONES.
This HAS to be of interest to everyone... FINALLY!!! News from the medical world that makes sense!!!
Johns Hopkins Update 
This is an extremely good article.
Everyone should read it.

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY', BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY .


Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins:
 

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body.. These cancer
cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have
multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients
that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after
treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the
cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable
size.
 

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a
person's lifetime.
 

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer
cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and
forming tumors.
 

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has
nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic,
but also to environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
 

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing
diet to eat more adequately and healthy, 4-5 times/day
 
and by including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
 

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing
cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells
in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc., and can
cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
 

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars
and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
 

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often
reduce tumor size.
However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
 

9.. When the body has too much toxic burden from
chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either
compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb
to various kinds of infections and complications.
 

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to
mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy.
Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer
cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply. 

*CANCER CELLS FEED ON:


a. Sugar substitutes like 
NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc. are made
with Aspartame and it is harmful
. A better natural substitute
would be Manuka honey or molasses, but only in very small
amounts. 
Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in
color Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
 

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the
gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus.. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.
 

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. 
A meat-based
diet
 is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little other meat, 
like chicken. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
 

d.. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole
grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into
an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked
food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live
enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to
cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance
growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building
healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most
vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw
vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at
temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C)..
 

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high
caffeine 
Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer
fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or
filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap
water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of
digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the
intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.
 

13.. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By
refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes
to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the
body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.
 

14. Some supplements build up the immune system
(IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals,
EFAs etc.) to enable the bodies own killer cells to destroy
cancer cells.. Other supplements like vitamin E are known
to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's
normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or
unneeded cells.
 

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit.

A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior
be a survivor. Anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness put
the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to
have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated
environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to
get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.
 

1. 
No plastic containers in micro

2. 
No water bottles in freezer

3. 
No plastic wrap in microwave.. 

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well. Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently, Dr Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.

Please share this with your whole email list.........................
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.. Cover food with a paper towel instead.
This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life...


According to Snopes, the above email is a hoax.
However, from my studies on the issue, 
I find the information to be valid. 
So please make sure to adjust your diet accordingly; exercise; 
and let other know about this as well.


Feel free to share this ink:
http://heaven-bent.blogspot.com/2012/05/important-health-information-johns.html


Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey

   


P. S. Although this post was serious, you can still enjoy lots of laughs with these comedy Kindle books:

            
Only $2.99 each!
Lots of laughs for less than a gallon of gas!
Funny Fun for Teens and Adults. 
No foul language, except as noted in Exit Strategies.
Seasons Without Reason: Funny short stories. Quirky vignettes. Parodies, Spoofs. Silly fun. Over two dozen. Each one’s different. Some adult themes. Secular. Varies from G to PG-13.
Monster Laughs: Comedy novel about a Paranormal Investigator who battles monsters. Dracula, The Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. Silly fun. Some adult themes, more or less. Each chapter stands on its own, while a story weaves its way throughout the book. Secular. PG-13.
Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible: Humor in the Bible, plus comedic commentary. Christian. Focuses on the Funny throughout, but still gives the Gospel message at the end and in the Resurrection section: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used.” G. 
Exit Strategies: Novella. Comedy, drama, romance. Criminal activity, adult themes/situations, more or less. Secular. PG-13. The most intense of the four. (Uses the word the King James Bible uses for donkey.)
The best deals on a cost-per-word basis are 
are both under 30,000 words each. 
Your best bet?
Pick the one that interests you the most!
Click each title to find out more about each one.
If you don’t have a Kindle, 
click the Free Kindle Reading Apps’ banner above 
to download Kindle Cloud Reader onto your computer for free.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Help Save Sea Turtles and Other Near-Sighted Marine Life!

Help Save Sea Turtles 
and Other Near-Sighted Marine Life!


Sea turtles and other marine life mistake plastic bags for jellyfish and die from eating the plastic bags. So instead of enjoying an afternoon snack, they retire from the Living Industry. 

We must hurry; and act now before it’s too late! Save the sea turtles and other marine life without the wherewithal to tell the difference between a plastic bag and a jellyfish. 

The solution seems simple: Print a notice on the plastic bag that clearly states: WARNING! THIS IS NOT A JELLYFISH! 

That way the plastic bag manufacturers will be covered in case the loved ones of the sea turtles decide to sue. 

The next step is to teach sea turtles and other marine life how to read. Educating sea turtles would be a lot easier if only they were fish, cause fish already travel in schools. 

Before we can teach sea life to read, we need to learn em some real good English. 

Or we could find a middle ground, if we learned Atlantean. 

At the very least, print a bunch of flash cards that designate: This is a plastic bag. This is a jellyfish. See the difference?

Thats right. The one says: “Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.” 

And the other one stings you.

Maybe sea turtles and other near-sighted marine life just need glasses. Scuba divers could scour the seven seas with the chart that has the Giant E at the top. But all those aqua-tortoises and such would still need to be able to read!

Besides, oceanic optometry sounds like a lot of work. 

All that printing! All those glasses! All that soaking in water! 

Seems like the simpler solution might be to keep plastic bags out of the ocean in the first place. 

That’s my applicable theory. But I’m no marine biologist. 

Remember: Whats trash to you is cyanide to a sea turtle

And other marine life in need of corrective vision. 

Paradoxically, the best way to keep plastic bags out of the ocean is to keep a plastic bag on your boat. 

Put your trash inside the plastic bag; and then, after you dock, dump your junk alongside the highway* like a decent human being. 



            
Only $2.99 each!
Lots of laughs for less than a gallon of gas!
Funny Fun for Teens and Adults. 
No foul language, except as noted in Exit Strategies.
Seasons Without Reason: Funny short stories. Quirky vignettes. Parodies, Spoofs. Silly fun. Over two dozen. Each one’s different. Some adult themes. Secular. Varies from G to PG-13.
Monster Laughs: Comedy novel about a Paranormal Investigator who battles monsters. Dracula, The Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. Silly fun. Some adult themes, more or less. Each chapter stands on its own, while a story weaves its way throughout the book. Secular. PG-13.
Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible: Humor in the Bible, plus comedic commentary. Christian. Focuses on the Funny throughout, but still gives the Gospel message at the end and in the Resurrection section: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used.” G. 
Exit Strategies: Novella. Comedy, drama, romance. Criminal activity, adult themes/situations, more or less. Secular. PG-13. The most intense of the four. (Uses the word the King James Bible uses for donkey.)
The best deals on a cost-per-word basis are 
are both under 30,000 words each. 
Your best bet?
Pick the one that interests you the most!
Click each title to find out more about each one.
If you don’t have a Kindle, 
click the Free Kindle Reading Apps’ banner above 
to download Kindle Cloud Reader onto your computer for free.

* Please Note: This is sarcasm. Don’t really litter alongside the highway. Put trash in the proper receptacles. Help make the world a better place by throwing away discarded trash you find. Recycle as much as possible! And remember, the sea turtle you save, may be your own. Probably not. But please help save them anyway.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!


To celebrate Mother's Day, I'm thanking my Mom for who she is and for all she's done for me and our family.


I owe a lot of my sense of humor to her and her side of the family. She doesn't joke a lot, but when she does, she's funny. She rifles instead of shotguns her comedy. 


Some of my memories of Mom:


When I was in Kindergarten or younger, Dad was at work; and Richard was at school, when a hurricane howled past us. Mom and I hid under the sofa cushions in the living room. We survived, obviously, but a couple years later, the ceiling in the living room collapsed, right over the place where we had hid. 


For Halloween, she sewed costumes for my brother Richard and me. Cool ones like Superman, Batman, Aquaman, and The Flash. (I was Batman and The Flash, but as soon as Richard outgrew the Superman costume, I wore that too. Not for Halloween, just for fighting crime and deflecting meteors away from the Daily Planet.)


When I was in first grade or so, Mom killed a little snake in the front yard by repeatedly striking it with a rake. 


When I was in fourth grade or older, Mom chased my brother Richard around the kitchen table after he called me a word that he had learned that day in school, but not from any of the teachers.  


She set a good example by not only having devotions and prayer each day and going to church each week, but by also helping out at church through out the week too, with the LWML, Stephen's Ministry, VBS, and much, much more. Plus, she would make dinners for families in crisis too. 


And always, she made such wonderful desserts! Hershey Tort! What love and dedication when she worked so hard to make something so delicious for us that she could not enjoy for herself. That's sacrificial love baby!


She tried to teach me not to procrastinate. And that is an important lesson that I still plan to learn. Just not today. 


Other than that though, she instilled several good character traits in me. One of which was to be humble, so I can't even begin to elaborate about all the other amazing qualities she taught me. 


Even now, she has me over every week for a delicious home-cooked meal.


For all of the bandaids and snacks, clean clothes and devotions, dinners and desserts, and a lifetime of prayer and concern, thank you Mom! I love you. 
@}---}-------





            

Friday, May 11, 2012

“Seasons Without Reason”




From dark humor to zany, 
from highbrow to slapstick, 

author/comedian Dean Burkey 
creates intriguing and hilarious worlds 
with two dozen plus short stories/essays 
starting with the title piece about a wacky world indeed 
and ending with two scientists striving to discover 
the secret to comedy.  


Between these intrepid tales, 
fast-food becomes melodramatic, 
the voice of a famous cartoon mouse 
gets pegged as an informant by thugs, 
zombies eat bacon, 
Einstein offers fitness advice, 
a tight-rope walker in distress learns an insight 
into himself at the worst possible time, 
John Napier discovers the decimal point, 
and much, much more.




Take a stress break, a mini-vacation; 
and let yourself embrace the bizarre, the comical, 
the wacky worlds of Dean Burkey’s 
“Seasons Without Reason”:




To lose all faith is a form of treason, 
Turning time into seasons without reason.




TABLE OF CONTENTS




“Seasons Without Reason”


A wacky world indeed.


Orlando, the chef, is suspected of foul play 
and tries to flee the country disguised as a steer.  
He is captured and herded to Wyoming.




“Fast Food Follies”


A heated world of grub gone wild.  


Serena enjoyed raw animal magnetism 
as much as any other chicken, 
but held higher aspirations 
than a simple cole slaw and buttered roll combo.




“The Mouse that Squeaked”


Is a certain cartoon mouse really a rat?


How could the iconic star of countless animated films 
know too much when he’s just that: 
The iconic star of countless animated films?




“Breakfast of the Living Dead”


That’s one tasty apocalypse.


Can a man wearing Spider-Man pajamas, bunny slippers, 
and a stained terrycloth robe stolen from a Motel Six 
be mankind’s only chance at survival?




“Exercise = MC2”


Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru


The galaxy is big.  Our tummies don’t have to be.




“Turning Point”


(Updated version of the story 
that originally appeared in “Juggler’s World”.)


After his tragic demise,  I ceased to exist as a person 
and adopted Timmy’s characteristics:  
His hopes, his dreams, his rubber chicken.




“We Get the Point!”


A mathematician makes his mark in history.


My creation must have a subtle, rakish quality 
much like the hat Agnes bought me for Christmas, 
only without the peacock plume.




“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”  


Did her boyfriend forget her birthday?


Not every girl gets a birthday dinner 
where she can eat the bowl.




“Are Aliens from a Superior Race 
Stealing Our Laundry?”


Hey UFOs, stay away from my clothes!


When asked by this reporter if by “thieves”, 
they meant extra-terrestrials, 
the researchers guffawed uproariously, 
but never once denied the allegation.




“The Five Stages of Grief 
for Burnt Waffles”


A template for dealing with culinary tragedies.


At least let me enjoy the center square.  
That’s the best part.  Like on “Hollywood Squares”.




“My Stolen Step-Ins”


Those kids made her go commando.


You need kids before you can have grandkids.  
An annoying loophole of life.




“The Twelve-Step Program for 
People with Overdue Library Books”


Every journey begins with the first step.


We admitted we were powerless over overdue library books ...




“Brat-Sitter”


Who’s really in charge?


“‘This should be fun.’  
Like an eye exam from a blind man with an ice pick.”




“How to Sell Lots and Lots 
of Angel Scout Cookies”


Don’t ask why, just buy or cry!


With a single glance, 
Gina’s eyes exposed the overwhelming mediocrity 
of all Frank was, had, and ever hoped to be.




“Origins of Golf Lingo”


Oh, a different kind of hooker.


Gary “Giggles” Ackerman played golf to be cool, 
but he fared so poorly, people thought he meant to be funny.




“Catch 23”


Another catch to add to the list.


She eloquently replied, “Hmmph!”, 
slammed her door, and resumed chugging Geritol. 




“First Fight”


A couple enjoys their first altercation.


Both hearts pounded.  He whimpered.  She grunted.  
The clock ticked like crazy.  Which was so odd for a digital.  




“Philosophy of Chips”


Even the cheapest of snacks has value.


Chips demonstrate their worth under pressure, 
proving their mettle during crunch time.




“You Look Tasty!”


One Man’s Journey from Veganism to Cannibalism


I knew I’d lost my mind when I munched 
on Morning Mist potpourri.  
And loved it.




“No Deposit, ...”


Why don’t deserted isles have desserts?


Surely you jest!  
The word “ninny” cannot be taken complimentarily.




“Cannibal Conundrum”


Befriend him?  Or fry him?


When a cannibal gets chubby, the others tease him, 
saying he’s got a missionary gut.




“Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago”


President Lincoln receives unsolicited comedy advice.


“Oh, you mean that whole hubbub over state’s rights?”  
“Yes.”  Lincoln groaned as he massaged his temples.  
“The civil hubbub between the states.”




“Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo”


Something funny’s going on around here.


Cliff chased Stan up a mountain with a pitchfork, 
ready to perforate his posterior with malicious intent.




“A Dribble Glass 
Can Be a Beautiful Thing”


How Classic Comedy Gags 
Could Have Altered History


The Squirting Flower might have saved the people of Pompeii.




“Art Schmart”


Work of art?  Glorified doodle?  
Or worse?  Much, much worse.


Once a woman finds out you’re a comedian, 
she’ll only go out with you for laughs.




“The Secret to Comedy”


Can Alec and Kirk uncover the secret of the ages 
before losing funding?


Refusing to be thwarted, we rushed into Phase 2 
and read puns to paramecia in a Petri dish.



Blessings & Joy,