Why The Freakish Fascination with Shark Movies?

Photo Source: Shark Tale & http://www.eonline.com/news/533540/meet-joan-of-shark-quite-possibly-the-biggest-great-white-shark-ever-discovered

Why The Freakish Fascination 
with Shark Movies?

by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source: Batman & http://www.eonline.com/news/533540/meet-joan-of-shark-quite-possibly-the-biggest-great-white-shark-ever-discovered

Maybe, at some point in our lives, we suffered some insanely bizarre trauma involving a rogue minnow or a ghoulish guppy gone wild. 


Possibly a wacky, psycho babysitter beat us with undercooked herring. Or forced us to eat pizzas with anchovies against our will. 


And I’m sure we’ve all had a highly unfortunate fish taco incident. Or a baby bass burrito that swam against the currents. If you know what I mean. 


Or we ate a fish sandwich that was too hot and burnt our tiny lips when we were far too young to sue. 

Photo Source: 
Shark 'Bite Ya!' Tableware & Invitations
Party Pack Kit (64 Pieces)
Birthday/Tableware/Party Supplies

Either way, no matter what kind of crazy-carp-encounter or silly-salmon-scenario gone awry that we may have faced, the biggest appeal of shark movies has to be our ability to face our aquatic fears without having to get wet. 

And, of course, without having to feed the marine life. With our hearts and souls. And other body parts. 

Photo Source: Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus & http://a-b-r.blogspot.com/2010/11/mega-shark-attack.html

By being frightened by sharks in movies, we can rationalize that yeah, fish can be scary. 

Something about the sharks being so disproportionate to reality helps us laugh at our fears, which, in the case of monster sharks, are completely justified. 

 
Photo Source: (24x36) Falling Shark Poster

Somehow the hyperbolic exaggeration and the overly theatrical, beyond-the-realm-of-reality presentation proves to be cathartic and helps ease our concerns and calm our nerves. 

Until the next time we have to go to the beach. 

Or if we’re soaking in the tub; and some pranking bully turns off the lights and turns on the soundtrack from JAWS. 

All The Best,

Dean Burkey


Photo Source: 
http://www.sherv.net/laughing-emoticons.html

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Free Trials, Risk-Free Trials, & More!

Razzle-Dazzle with Zazzle

 
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Deadly Sexy Beach : 
The Killer Summer Shark Mutant Attack
Free Edition

 
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Miniature Dashboard Hula Doll - Shark w/ Sunglasses

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Click Here to Watch 
The Believe Me Movie Trailer

Maybe shark movies 
make us feel better about ourselves, 
because the victims, 
um, I mean, the people in them, 
a.k.a. shark food, 
act so silly, 
that we feel better about ourselves. 

Sand Sharks Best Scene

Uploaded on Jan 12, 2012 by

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Full Throttle Fat Loss

Or we just like hot girls; 
and any movie at the beach, 
or in the ocean, 
should surely feature some scantily-clad hotties.
And of course, 
I mean that in the most respectful of ways.

Syfy - Swamp Shark - Sneak-Peek "Taking Pictures"

Uploaded on May 22, 2011 by

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Photo Source: 
Galaxyfashion Womens Shark Animal Print
Lightness Swimsuit (Free Size, Multi-Color)

Come Back Wednesday September 17, 2014 for: 
Turn Signal Blues

The Haunting Hilarity of Hogan’s Heroes

Happy Independence Day!
(Posting earlier than usual due to the holiday weekend.)

“The Haunting Hilarity 
of ‘Hogan’s Heroes’”

by
Dean Burkey

(An Excerpt from the much lengthier 
Newly Added Special Bonus Feature 

in “How to Write All Kinds of Comedy Jokes, 

Volume 4: Other Avenues of Amusement”):

One of the funniest, yet most suspenseful, Sitcoms (?) from my childhood was the 1965-1971 CBS show “Hogan’s Heroes”. One of the finest and funniest examples of Gallows Humor. 

A haunting show, because it takes place in a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp. But hilarious, perhaps because of the increased need for Comic Relief. Sight Gags, One-Liners, Sticking It to Those in Power, Masquerade/Deception, with Incongruity galore as the war prisoners run a military operation from a stalag. 

One of the best examples of Characterization. Each character not only had in his own role in the operation, he also had his own personality; and his own form of humor. 

My favorite Hogan moment? In many ways, every episode was a favorite Hogan moment. Like the ease with which he manipulated the Germans, especially Schultz and Klink. His crazy plans, which formed the crux of each episode, were often funny. He’d state the goal, like kidnap a German general, or steal a tank; and then we’d wonder how they’d do it. Even when he fully explained his plan, we’d still wonder how they’d be able to pull it off. 

His explanation of the Norton, which held the German military spellbound, until they realized he merely revealed the design of a vacuum cleaner. 

Along those same lines, his convincing the Germans that Carter’s electronic rabbit trap is really a top-secret device called the Gonculator. 

My favorite Klink moment was when Hogan convinced him to do something bizarre; and convinced him that such a maneuver would become known as: The Klink Dipsy Doodle. The dreamy look in Klink’s eyes and the joy/pride in his voice sounded so funny as he said, “The Klink Dipsy Doodle!” 

One of my favorite Schultz moments was when, while somewhat tipsy, and while posing as a general, he referred to the Gestapo agents as “The Bully Boys”. 

Robert Clary who played that role of LeBeau with humor and panache is the only original cast member still alive. 

My favorite LeBeau moments were when the Russian lady would adore him. Nice refreshing change from his being insulted so much. Also, when he sang “Alouette” during a birthday show for Klink, which was obviously a ruse to cover a secret operation. He sang with such joy and abandon, being able to relish in his French culture. Fun moment. 

My favorite Newkirk moment was when, while disguised as a factory foreman, he got drafted into the German army; and Klink came to the drafting unit to acquire new guards. Whenever Klink would walk by, Newkirk would pretend to sneeze and cover his face with a hanky. This happened more than once. And then, at the end, while Klink boasted how nothing escaped his attention, Newkirk sneezed and covered his face with a hanky as he’d done before, leaving Klink befuddled. 

My favorite Kinchloe moment was when he took the place of a visiting African prince. So cool to see him get featured. And for once, Kinchloe, not Hogan, got the girl! 

My favorite Carter moment was when he disguised himself as a German officer and visited the Commandant in the middle of the night. When Klink said he thought the officer wasn’t coming until the morning, Carter shouted “Three o’clock in the morning is morning, Kilnk! Four o’clock in the morning is morning, Klink! …” 

My favorite Helga/Hilda moments? Just the way her eyes lit up when she saw Colonel Hogan. Especially Hilda, after I learned Sigrid Valdis married Bob Crane. 

For My Favorite Episode, a more in-depth analysis of the show’s Characterizations/Humor Styles; a frank look at some of the Hauntings, and the Lessons Learned; be sure to read the full Newly Added Special Bonus Feature “The Haunting Hilarity of ‘Hogan’s Heroes’” in “How to Write All Kinds of Comedy Jokes, Volume 4: Other Avenues of Amusement”.

All The Best,

Dean Burkey

 

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Only the pilot episode was in black and white: 

Hogan's Heroes Full Episodes Season 1 Episode 1 - The Informer

Published on Mar 6, 2014 by

Hogan's Heroes Full Episodes

Gilbert Gottfried: 
“The show is about a bunch of American POWs 
being held by the Nazis during World War II. 
If they get caught trying to escape, they’ll be shot. 
It’s a comedy!”

Frank Conniff: 
“I loved watching ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ as a kid. 
It taught me that war is hell—
unless you’re locked up 
in a World War II Nazi POW camp, 
then it’s just a series of wacky misadventures!” 

Some of Colonel Hogan’s Lines: 

“I have a plan that has no right to work, 

but let’s give it a try anyway.” 

“I never should have invited Klink to his own party.” 

When asked by Klink 

if Klink doesn’t get any credit for having any brains, 

Hogan replies:

 “I refuse to answer on the grounds 

that I might tell the truth.” 

After kissing the French civilian scientist 
whom London put in charge of the operation 
to destroy the German’s synthetic fuel factory: 
“You know, 
that’s the first time 
I ever kissed a commanding officer.” 

Making a toast: 

“To our wives and lovers! 

… May they never meet!” 

“Guards at Stalag 13? 

When did we give up the honesty system?” 

“If I may make a suggestion, sir. 

The next time you guys have a war, 

make him [Klink] stay out of it.”

The last episode: 

Hogan's Heroes Season 6 Episode 24

Published on Mar 7, 2014 by

Hogan's Heroes Full Episodes

Fun Bonus!

Colonel Klink on Batman

Uploaded on Apr 20, 2008 by
loomyaire's channel

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ISO: A Hot Girl Named Tonto!

Photo Source: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00498XSIA

ISO: 
A Hot Girl Named Tonto!

by
Dean Burkey

I know that in a previous blog, 
I realized that there is no perfect woman. 
(See my previous post: 
“My Epic 6-Part ‘Inside-Out’ Adventure!” 
Part 5: “The Perfect Ploy to Take Over the World”.) 

If only that Ghiradelli girl knew how to juggle ukuleles! 
(See “Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures”. 
For a much better value, see “The Dean Burkey Bundle”.) 

And then later, 
but in a post still previous to this one, 
I discovered the highly talented 
and totally adorable Melissa Villaseñor. 
(See my previous post: “The Perfect Woman?”.) 

But now I realize what I really need is: 
A Hot Girl Named Tonto. 

I sleep in a room on the east side of the house, 
so the sun barges through the blinds 
anytime it wants too! 

Okay, during the day, 
but especially in the mornings. 

Plus, that same room’s on the street side, 
so the street light shines in too! 
So sometimes, I wear a sleep mask. 
Which reminds me of the Lone Ranger’s mask. 

So that’s why marrying a woman named Tonto 
would be so beneficial. 
Every night, 
we could ride off into the sunset, 
metaphorically speaking. 
(Especially since the sun sets 
on the other side of the house.) 

I know looks don’t form the foundation 
for a lasting relationship, 
but she’d still have to be a hot girl. 

Because I don’t want to adjust 
the temperature on the thermostat. 

And a cold girl won’t let me blast the air!

If finding such a fantastic female named Tonto fails, 
I can always marry a gal named Robin 
and sew pointy ears onto the sides of my sleep mask, 
so I can be Batman. 
Which, when you think about it, makes more sense. 

But although I’d love to fend off super villains 
in Gotham City, 
such a ploy might not work for me, 
because technically, 
Batman doesn’t sleep at night. 

Not that we’d sleep the whole time anyway, 
but still. 

And then, 
in the morning, 
as my wife and I awaken to face a new day, 
I can say, “Let’s go Robin!” 

So then, 
any hot girls named Tonto or Robin, 
please contact me right away! 

Or any hot girls named 
Ms. McPhee, Colbie, Carley Rae, … 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

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Eating Healthy - Larry Weaver (Clean Comedy)

Uploaded on May 21, 2010 by

 lwentertainment

George Carlin: 
Never raise your hands to your kids. 
It leaves your groin unprotected.

Jerry Seinfeld:
Men want the same thing from their underwear 
that they want from women: 
A little bit of support; 
and a little bit of freedom. 

Dean Burkey: 
Booze: 
Don’t over think it; 
don’t over drink it.   

Mitch Hedberg: 
That would be cool if the earth’s crust 
was made out of graham cracker. 
It would disappear just like the ozone layer, 
but for completely different reasons. 

Steven Wright: 
Experience is something you don’t get 
until just after you need it.

Hilarious Clean Comedian Jeff Allen on Obsessed Joggers

Published on Jun 19, 2012 by

 Tim Grable

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Sharknado

Freaky Spell Checker

Photo Source:
http://www.clker.com/clipart-8005.html
Spellcheck
By: OCAL

Freaky Spell Checker

by
Dean Burkey

The Spell Checker can be kind of freaky. 

I was writing a joke that uses the phrase: 
“a bunch of brewskis”. 

But I forgot to put a space between of and brewskis, 
(i.e., ofbrewskis)
so when I click space after the word brewskis, 
the Spell Checker turned it into the word foreskins. 
That’s freaky! 

Even typing just the word brewskis, 
the Spell Checker will turn that into two words. 
So I guess the Spell Checker doesn’t like to party. 

My Body’s kind of funny. 
(Goofy voice): “Funny looking.” 
(Mock goofy laugh.) 

What I mean is: 
I can run around the lake. 
But then when I finish, I walk with a limp. 

Eventually, the limp goes away; 
and then I run again. 

If I run really far, 
when I finish, I stagger like a drunk. 

So to achieve the same results as running over six miles, 
I can just stay home and kick back a bunch of brewskis.

(I never said it was a funny joke.
Besides, that’s the kind of joke 
you need to see and hear performed, 
not the kind you read.) 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

P. S. For more Spell-Checker fun, 
check out my previous post: 
Should’ve Used The Spill-Chucker

Also, please check out my previous post: 
Bonus Post: Channel Surfing Is FREE Sept. 5-9, 2013.

This video I found on YouTube makes me laugh every time I watch it!
From what I gather, a sorceress turned Wonder Woman into a pig,
so Batman agrees to do whatever the sorceress requests
to have her change Wonder Woman back before she gets slaughtered.

Batman Sings For Diana - Justice League

Published on May 19, 2012 by metalgodmaiden

Jerry Seinfeld: 
Introducing 'Lite' 
- The new way to spell 'Light', 
but with twenty per cent fewer letters. 

Alex Kirlik: 
I got a calculator; 
and now I can't add without it. 
I got a spellchecker; 
and I can't write without it anymore. 
I got a blow-dryer;
 and now my hair won't dry on its own. 

Dean Burkey: 
People who can’t spell are stoopid.

Author Unknown: 
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, 
how would we know? 

Mitch Hedberg: 
My girlfriend is named Lynn. 
She spells her name "Lynn". 
My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, 
but she spells it "Lyn". 
Every now and then I screw up, 
I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name; 
and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long. 

Some language.

Dave Chappelle on Letterman 1997 Stand up

Uploaded on Jan 14, 2012 by Olivier Dery

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