I know that in a previous blog post
(“My Epic 6-Part ‘Inside-Out’ Adventure!”
Part 5: “The Perfect Ploy to Take Over the World”),
I came to the conclusion
that there is no such thing as a perfect woman.
But I was wrong.
Yes, me.
Yes, wrong.
Yes, I admit it.
For I may have, in fact,
found The Perfect Woman!
Melissa Villaseñor!
Yes, Melissa.
Yes, Villaseñor.
Yes, The Perfect Woman!
What makes her The Perfect Woman?
Besides meeting the basic requirements
of being what anyone in his right mind
would call incredibly gorgeous,
without realizing how truly attractive she is,
she’s hilarious!
On top of that,
she can sing and perform impeccable impressions.
That means that every night,
you can enjoy a ménage à ad infinitum.
So you’ll never get bored!
Of course, admittedly,
when you’re engaging in honeymoon activities,
it’s a bit disconcerting when Owen Wilson
and Michael Jackson join the foray.
Ellen DeGeneres seems a bit out of place too,
but I really like having her around.
But wait!
There’s more!
Now it gets even better!
Melissa enjoys her solitude.
That means you two can enjoy time alone too!
Believe me,
you’ll want time alone
after having a ménage à trente!
That would wear anyone out!
She’s mega-gorgeous without realizing it.
Which includes having a smile
that can melt a heart of stone.
She’s hilarious and fun.
Strikes me as a having a heart of gold.
Sings.
Does at least thirty amazing impersonations.
Enjoys her solitude.
How is she not The Perfect Woman?!
She so is!
Whoever woos and wins her heart
truly wins The Lottery of Laughter & Love!
All the Best,
P. S. Dear Melissa, please don’t sue. Not only would legal action taint my amazing image of you; you’d lose, because everything I wrote is true.
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