Why don’t the people
who post pictures on dating sites
realize when their photograph
makes them look possessed?
I get it. Maybe the lighting was bad.
Or you surrendered your soul to Beelzebub.
But either way, use a different picture!
Some women ask on dating sites:
Isn’t there one decent guy in the whole world?
Then they describe what they’re looking for.
And none of that has anything to do with decency.
Height, wealth, looks.
You can have all that and still be a stinker.
In fact, having all that might make you a stinker.
Lots of women say in their dates ads
that they don’t like drama.
I say forget them!
Law and Order’s an awesome show!
And they say they’re not into guys who play games.
But what’s wrong with Uno?
Monopoly?
And Spin the Bottle?
;oP
Obviously,
those babes aren’t any fun anyway.
To all the ladies who say
they’re looking for their Romeo:
You don’t want to find your Romeo.
If you don’t believe me,
read the play!
Romeo dies!
Juliet dies!
Lots of people die!
If that’s what you want,
get off dating sites
and just hook up with Dr. Kevorkian.
Jerry Seinfeld:
Dating is pressure and tension.
What is a date really,
but a job interview that lasts all night?
The only difference between a date and a job
is that in not many job interviews
is there a chance you’ll wind up naked at the end of it.
“Well Bill, the boss thinks you’re the man for the position.
Why don’t you strip down
and meet some of the people you’ll be working with?”
Susie Loucks:
I was on a date recently,
and the guy took me horseback riding.
That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
Dean Burkey:
Here’s a great way to break up with someone:
Tell her she’s too sexy for you.
She’ll be hurt that she got dumped,
but flattered that you think she’s so hot.
Of course, if she’s a psycho nut job,
she may disfigure herself to become less sexy
and try to win you back.
Let me tell you ladies,
that ploy never works.
Alex Kirlik:
Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
I said, "I'll be the one
driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex."
Never found her,
but when I got home my place was robbed.
Author Unkown:
Found at:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1322475/Researchers-official-50-funniest-jokes-time.html
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week,
phoned her up to arrange a date,
but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
