The Spill-Chucker
(I mean The Spell-Checker.)
Did you hear about the witch
who tried to turn toads into princes,
but instead turned them into IRS agents?
Those agents created a Magic Tax and took everything!
Poor gal should’ve used the Spell-Checker.
Some people get uptight over the silliest things!
Can you believe I had a girlfriend throw a couch at me,
because I misspelled her name?
How petty is that?
I wrote the most amazing, heart-wrenching.
Ah. Wrenching doesn’t sound right.
Gut-wrenching?
Bowel-moving?
Heart-touching!
Love letter ever written in the history of romance,
where I declare how she was the only woman for me.
And she throws a fit because I misspelled one word.
Her name.
Her name was Caitlyn,
C, A, I, T, L, Y, N.
But I spelled it K, A, R, L, A.
Close enough; right.
Actually she found a whole stack of those letters;
and they all had her name spelled wrong.
T, I, N, A.
M, A, R, S, H, A.
S, H, A, N, E, E, Q, U, A.
What?
They’re all the only woman for me.
Just depends on scheduling and availability.
Sometimes they’re the only two women for me,
which always goes amazingly well.
Unless I misspell both their names.
The point is:
Stay in school.
Eat your green leafy vegetables.
And if you’re going to date
a lot of amazing, wonderful women,
make them wear name tags.
George Carlin:
If one synchronized swimmer drowns,
do the rest drown too?
Jerry Seinfeld:
Isn’t it weird that we drink milk,
stuff designed to nourish baby cows?
How did that happen? Did some cattleman once say,
“Oh, man, I can’t wait ‘til them calves are done,
so I can get me a hit of that stuff.”
Dean Burkey:
What do people say I have a mullet?
That’s ridiculous.
I don’t even have an aquarium.
Rodney Dangerfield:
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on.
I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move.
She went to Florida.
Steven Wright:
When I turned two I was really anxious,
because I’d doubled my age in a year.
I thought, “If this keeps up, by the time I’m six, I’ll be ninety.”
No comments:
Post a Comment