Hello, Jaime.
… Oh, it’s Laurie?
… That’s good.
‘Cause my swami told me
I’d meet a woman named Jaime;
and we’d fall in love.
So there’s no pressure with you.
We can just be friends.
I’d hate to think I spent $500 for five minutes
in the portal of the secrets of the universe for nothing.
You have to be careful nowadays.
There are so many fraudulent fortunetellers out there.
It’s hard to know whom to trust.
That’s why I’m thankful for the Penny Saver.
I figure a legitimate news source like that
wouldn’t feature my swami’s ad if he wasn’t legit.
George Carlin:
Whose cruel idea was it
for the word “Lisp” to have an “s” in it?
Jerry Seinfeld:
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there.
I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it,
maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
Dean Burkey:
The craziest conspiracy theory of all
is thinking that there are no conspiracies.
Rodney Dangerfield:
When I was born,
the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father,
“I’m very sorry. We did everything we could.
But he pulled through.”
Steven Wright:
Whenever I think of the past,
it brings back so many memories.
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