Freaky Spell Checker

Photo Source:
http://www.clker.com/clipart-8005.html
Spellcheck
By: OCAL

Freaky Spell Checker

by
Dean Burkey

The Spell Checker can be kind of freaky. 

I was writing a joke that uses the phrase: 
“a bunch of brewskis”. 

But I forgot to put a space between of and brewskis, 
(i.e., ofbrewskis)
so when I click space after the word brewskis, 
the Spell Checker turned it into the word foreskins. 
That’s freaky! 

Even typing just the word brewskis, 
the Spell Checker will turn that into two words. 
So I guess the Spell Checker doesn’t like to party. 

My Body’s kind of funny. 
(Goofy voice): “Funny looking.” 
(Mock goofy laugh.) 

What I mean is: 
I can run around the lake. 
But then when I finish, I walk with a limp. 

Eventually, the limp goes away; 
and then I run again. 

If I run really far, 
when I finish, I stagger like a drunk. 

So to achieve the same results as running over six miles, 
I can just stay home and kick back a bunch of brewskis.

(I never said it was a funny joke.
Besides, that’s the kind of joke 
you need to see and hear performed, 
not the kind you read.) 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

P. S. For more Spell-Checker fun, 
check out my previous post: 
Should’ve Used The Spill-Chucker

Also, please check out my previous post: 
Bonus Post: Channel Surfing Is FREE Sept. 5-9, 2013.

This video I found on YouTube makes me laugh every time I watch it!
From what I gather, a sorceress turned Wonder Woman into a pig,
so Batman agrees to do whatever the sorceress requests
to have her change Wonder Woman back before she gets slaughtered.

Batman Sings For Diana - Justice League

Published on May 19, 2012 by metalgodmaiden

Jerry Seinfeld: 
Introducing 'Lite' 
- The new way to spell 'Light', 
but with twenty per cent fewer letters. 

Alex Kirlik: 
I got a calculator; 
and now I can't add without it. 
I got a spellchecker; 
and I can't write without it anymore. 
I got a blow-dryer;
 and now my hair won't dry on its own. 

Dean Burkey: 
People who can’t spell are stoopid.

Author Unknown: 
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, 
how would we know? 

Mitch Hedberg: 
My girlfriend is named Lynn. 
She spells her name "Lynn". 
My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, 
but she spells it "Lyn". 
Every now and then I screw up, 
I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name; 
and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long. 

Some language.

Dave Chappelle on Letterman 1997 Stand up

Uploaded on Jan 14, 2012 by Olivier Dery

EvilTwinStore

Getting Messy with Nessie Part 3

Getting Messy with Nessie 
Part 3:
Ripples of Regret

by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source:
The Mystery of the Loch Ness Monster (Can Science Solve?)

All I saw was a ripple. 
But apparently a ripple is all the DNA 
that Loch Ness CSI needs to authorize 
the hunting down of the Loch Ness Monster. 
Poor Nessie. 
How will she ever forgive me? 

How could things turn out like this? 
All I said was that Coleen went under 
and never came back up. 
And that I saw a ripple. 
Honest. 

I even tried to be as vague as possible 
with my ripple description, 
so I wouldn’t get Nessie in trouble. 
I could never do that to such a good friend. 
But then, when the authorities made me 
their number one suspect, 
I blurted out, 
“It was the Loch Ness Monster; I tell you! 
The vicious creature ripped her to shreds!” 

I then said I was the utmost authority 
on the Loch Ness Monster. 
Not to ruffle the feathers of Edwards or Harmsworth. 

When the Constable and his cronies started making plans 
to destroy Nessie once and for all, 
I came back to my senses. 
“Wait. Aren’t we being a wee bit hasty? 
The most important thing I’ve learned in my studies 
of the Loch’s famous creature is this: 
She doesn’t exist. 
So hunting her down will only be a waste of time.” 

Constable McBrody sighed and rolled his eyes. 
“But you said the Monster killed Coleen.” 

“I hadn’t eaten since last night. 
Even then, that didn’t go so well. 
And then you had the burning bright light 
shining in my face, so I freaked out. 
What I meant to say was.” 
I panted. 
Hoping each new breath 
would bring me the idea I needed. 

The Constable turned the light on me again; 
and I blurted out as before, “It was Bigfoot! 
He suffers from heinous abandonment issues. 
So when I left him in the States to come here, 
he must’ve followed. 
And not knowing that Nessie. 
Um, I mean, the Loch Ness Monster isn’t real. 
He framed her. I mean, it. For murder.” 

Then as they started to make plans to hunt down Bigfoot, 
I changed my tune again. 

“Actually, the light freaked me out again. 
Let’s be reasonable here. 
We all know Bigfoot’s a myth. 
Like generous bankers. 
Intelligent floozies with hearts of gold. 
And mermaids who yodel. 
If we put our heads together, 
I’m sure we can reach a logical conclusion.” 

SLAM! 
The cell door echoed behind me. 
They reached a logical conclusion all right. 
But it wasn’t the right conclusion. 

My cellmate Archibald the B-Flat Bagpiper 
wore a plaid skirt, so I knew that couldn’t be good. 
And the food they fed me contained alfalfa sprouts, 
so you know, that wasn’t good either. 
But at least that kept Archibald at bay. 

I knew I was innocent. 
But I still wasn’t sure about Nessie. 
Maybe she finally snapped. 
I couldn’t wallow in jail. 
Especially since I was the prime suspect. 
I had to escape to find Nessie. 
To find the truth. 
To find antacid.

TO BE CONTINUED ...
The Hunt Begins

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Please Note: The following video contains some material some may find offensive.

Dave Chappelle on Letterman 1997 Stand up

Uploaded on Jan 14, 2012 by

Olivier Dery

Mitch Hedberg: 
I can whistle with my fingers, 
especially if I have a whistle. 

Dean Burkey: 
I’m not saying she’s a bad cook; 
I’m just saying she can’t make toast without the recipe.

Steven Wright: 
Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. 
I asked it why. 
It told me it was none of my business. 

Jerry Seinfeld: 
It’s amazing that the amount of news 
that happens in the world every day 
always just exactly fits the newspaper. 

Rodney Dangerfield: 
What a dog I got. 
His favorite bone is in my arm!

Sarah Silverman Letterman standup TV debut Jul 1997.mpg

Uploaded on Jan 28, 2012 by

discomatador3D