Help Save Sea Turtles
and Other Near-Sighted Marine Life!
Sea turtles and other marine life mistake plastic bags for jellyfish and die from eating the plastic bags. So instead of enjoying an afternoon snack, they retire from the Living Industry.
We must hurry; and act now before it’s too late! Save the sea turtles and other marine life without the wherewithal to tell the difference between a plastic bag and a jellyfish.
The solution seems simple: Print a notice on the plastic bag that clearly states: WARNING! THIS IS NOT A JELLYFISH!
That way the plastic bag manufacturers will be covered in case the loved ones of the sea turtles decide to sue.
The next step is to teach sea turtles and other marine life how to read. Educating sea turtles would be a lot easier if only they were fish, ‘cause fish already travel in schools.
Before we can teach sea life to read, we need to learn ’em some real good English.
Or we could find a middle ground, if we learned Atlantean.
At the very least, print a bunch of flash cards that designate: This is a plastic bag. This is a jellyfish. See the difference?
That’s right. The one says: “Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”
And the other one stings you.
Maybe sea turtles and other near-sighted marine life just need glasses. Scuba divers could scour the seven seas with the chart that has the Giant E at the top. But all those aqua-tortoises and such would still need to be able to read!
Besides, oceanic optometry sounds like a lot of work.
All that printing! All those glasses! All that soaking in water!
Seems like the simpler solution might be to keep plastic bags out of the ocean in the first place.
That’s my applicable theory. But I’m no marine biologist.
Remember: What’s trash to you is cyanide to a sea turtle.
And other marine life in need of corrective vision.
Paradoxically, the best way to keep plastic bags out of the ocean is to keep a plastic bag on your boat.
Put your trash inside the plastic bag; and then, after you dock, dump your junk alongside the highway* like a decent human being.
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* Please Note: This is sarcasm. Don’t really litter alongside the highway. Put trash in the proper receptacles. Help make the world a better place by throwing away discarded trash you find. Recycle as much as possible! And remember, the sea turtle you save, may be your own. Probably not. But please help save them anyway.
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