From dark humor to zany,
from highbrow to slapstick,
author/comedian Dean Burkey
creates intriguing and hilarious worlds
with two dozen plus short stories/essays
starting with the title piece about a wacky world indeed
and ending with two scientists striving to discover
the secret to comedy.
Between these intrepid tales,
fast-food becomes melodramatic,
the voice of a famous cartoon mouse
gets pegged as an informant by thugs,
zombies eat bacon,
Einstein offers fitness advice,
a tight-rope walker in distress learns an insight
into himself at the worst possible time,
John Napier discovers the decimal point,
and much, much more.
Take a stress break, a mini-vacation;
and let yourself embrace the bizarre, the comical,
the wacky worlds of Dean Burkey’s
“Seasons Without Reason”:
To lose all faith is a form of treason,
Turning time into seasons without reason.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
“Seasons Without Reason”
A wacky world indeed.
Orlando, the chef, is suspected of foul play
and tries to flee the country disguised as a steer.
He is captured and herded to Wyoming.
“Fast Food Follies”
A heated world of grub gone wild.
Serena enjoyed raw animal magnetism
as much as any other chicken,
but held higher aspirations
than a simple cole slaw and buttered roll combo.
“The Mouse that Squeaked”
Is a certain cartoon mouse really a rat?
How could the iconic star of countless animated films
know too much when he’s just that:
The iconic star of countless animated films?
“Breakfast of the Living Dead”
That’s one tasty apocalypse.
Can a man wearing Spider-Man pajamas, bunny slippers,
and a stained terrycloth robe stolen from a Motel Six
be mankind’s only chance at survival?
“Exercise = MC2”
Albert Einstein, Fitness Guru
The galaxy is big. Our tummies don’t have to be.
“Turning Point”
(Updated version of the story
that originally appeared in “Juggler’s World”.)
After his tragic demise, I ceased to exist as a person
and adopted Timmy’s characteristics:
His hopes, his dreams, his rubber chicken.
“We Get the Point!”
A mathematician makes his mark in history.
My creation must have a subtle, rakish quality
much like the hat Agnes bought me for Christmas,
only without the peacock plume.
“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”
Did her boyfriend forget her birthday?
Not every girl gets a birthday dinner
where she can eat the bowl.
“Are Aliens from a Superior Race
Stealing Our Laundry?”
Hey UFOs, stay away from my clothes!
When asked by this reporter if by “thieves”,
they meant extra-terrestrials,
the researchers guffawed uproariously,
but never once denied the allegation.
“The Five Stages of Grief
for Burnt Waffles”
A template for dealing with culinary tragedies.
At least let me enjoy the center square.
That’s the best part. Like on “Hollywood Squares”.
“My Stolen Step-Ins”
Those kids made her go commando.
You need kids before you can have grandkids.
An annoying loophole of life.
“The Twelve-Step Program for
People with Overdue Library Books”
Every journey begins with the first step.
We admitted we were powerless over overdue library books ...
“Brat-Sitter”
Who’s really in charge?
“‘This should be fun.’
Like an eye exam from a blind man with an ice pick.”
“How to Sell Lots and Lots
of Angel Scout Cookies”
Don’t ask why, just buy or cry!
With a single glance,
Gina’s eyes exposed the overwhelming mediocrity
of all Frank was, had, and ever hoped to be.
“Origins of Golf Lingo”
Oh, a different kind of hooker.
Gary “Giggles” Ackerman played golf to be cool,
but he fared so poorly, people thought he meant to be funny.
“Catch 23”
Another catch to add to the list.
She eloquently replied, “Hmmph!”,
slammed her door, and resumed chugging Geritol.
“First Fight”
A couple enjoys their first altercation.
Both hearts pounded. He whimpered. She grunted.
The clock ticked like crazy. Which was so odd for a digital.
“Philosophy of Chips”
Even the cheapest of snacks has value.
Chips demonstrate their worth under pressure,
proving their mettle during crunch time.
“You Look Tasty!”
One Man’s Journey from Veganism to Cannibalism
I knew I’d lost my mind when I munched
on Morning Mist potpourri.
And loved it.
“No Deposit, ...”
Why don’t deserted isles have desserts?
Surely you jest!
The word “ninny” cannot be taken complimentarily.
“Cannibal Conundrum”
Befriend him? Or fry him?
When a cannibal gets chubby, the others tease him,
saying he’s got a missionary gut.
“Seven Dozen and Three Years Ago”
President Lincoln receives unsolicited comedy advice.
“Oh, you mean that whole hubbub over state’s rights?”
“Yes.” Lincoln groaned as he massaged his temples.
“The civil hubbub between the states.”
“Origins of Stand-Up Comedy Lingo”
Something funny’s going on around here.
Cliff chased Stan up a mountain with a pitchfork,
ready to perforate his posterior with malicious intent.
“A Dribble Glass
Can Be a Beautiful Thing”
How Classic Comedy Gags
Could Have Altered History
The Squirting Flower might have saved the people of Pompeii.
“Art Schmart”
Work of art? Glorified doodle?
Or worse? Much, much worse.
Once a woman finds out you’re a comedian,
she’ll only go out with you for laughs.
“The Secret to Comedy”
Can Alec and Kirk uncover the secret of the ages
before losing funding?
Refusing to be thwarted, we rushed into Phase 2
and read puns to paramecia in a Petri dish.
Blessings & Joy,
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