Facebook Fun

Kirsten found a Pink Baby Calf on their farm in Farmville!

Cecil just found some White Mystery Eggs and wants to say thank you!

Dean wants to enjoy reality and wishes he knew how to unplug Farmville.  And erase those phony farms forever!

Facebook keeps telling me to reconnect with my girlfriend.  Back off Facebook, you’re moving too fast for me.

Facebook says: Many who like The Bible like God. 

If you don’t like God, why would you like His Book?

You don’t see Rabbi Berkowitz liking Mein Kampf.

Many who like hitting their thumbs with hammers also like cussing like sailors.

If Jesus had a Facebook page, He’d friend each and every one of us. 

But sadly, we end up un-friending Him by the ways we ignore Him and live our lives without regard to His commands.

Don’t un-friend Jesus, click Like.

Many who like Jesus like loving one another. 

And that would make the world better than any pixel pasture in Farmville. 

Make real friends besides on Facebook.  And here's another nifty idea, instead of cultivating a fake farm, plant some real seeds in your backyard and grow some real plants.  Just a thought. 

Be real.  Be blessed.  Be really blessed. 

Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey

Second Baptist Church

I don’t ask for much. 

I want to live a life that’s right and pleasing to God. 

I want to be Rebecca St. James’ trophy husband. 

And I want a Baptist Church to be forthright and say, “Look.  We’re not the first!” 

I thought the First Baptist Church began in Judea. 

Along the Jordan River.

With Jesus’ cousin, a locust-eating, leather-wearing, disciple-dunking prophet named John.

If only one Baptist church would name themselves Second Baptist, they could attract more people. 

Especially if they said: “Jesus is first; we’re second.  Come visit us at Second Baptist.”

Blessings & Joy,
Dean

Happy Father's Day!

To celebrate Father's Day, I'm thanking my Dad for who he is and for all he's done for me and our family.

In many respects, I owe my sense of humor to my Dad. He jokes all the time. He used to take me to funny movies. And we used to watch comedians and funny shows on TV a lot too. The first time I saw Steve Martin on TV was when I watched TV with my Dad.

He used to buy us the latest toys and gadgets too. We had "Pong" when it first came out! We also had lots of other games and toys too. Including a ping pong table, a pool table, air hockey, and a basketball hoop. Dad was famous for his hook shot.

We lived in a great house with a swimming pool. And, at risk to himself, he climbed to great heights to install a rope, a ladder, and a rope swing in the backyard so we kids could have fun.

Dad taught me how to ride a bike and how to drive.

Dad bought me my first guitar too. Without that guitar, I probably never would've learned to write songs.
Dad took us on many great vacations! Several to Gatlinburg and Chicago. Plus, we went to Colorado, England, Austria, Switzerland, Egypt, and Israel.

No matter where we go, Dad knows where to find desserts!

When Mom wasn't around; and Dad had to fix meals for us, if we didn't go out to eat, he'd make peanut butter sandwiches and malted milk shakes. For dessert, he'd make banana splits with all sorts of candies and nuts thrown in too.

Dad provided so well for us because of his courageous, adventurous, entrepreneurial spirit. Being bold enough to switch careers and start new companies.

More importantly than providing food, clothing, shelter, toys, trips, fun, and humor, Dad made sure we had devotions and went to church, raising us in a Christian home with Judeo-Christian values and teaching us to help those in need.

Thank you Dad for the great memories you gave us, for the sacrifices you made for us as you worked late hours and traveled around building your businesses, and for praying for us each day too.

I hope everyone has a blessed Father's Day. Please thank your Dad for all he's done for you too.

Anyone can spawn a kid, but it takes someone super special to raise a child, to be a Dad.

Thank you Dad!

Blessings & Joy,
Dean

Special Request!

Check out my awesome sister's amazing blog!: Rach and Me
http://rachandme.blogspot.com/

I don't even cook, but I love it. It's fun, funny, informative, and family-oriented. Plus, she's such a gifted, hilarious storyteller. I wish I could write like her!

That's for your enjoyment and edification, now here's The Special Request:

Please vote for Rach and Me at:
http://www.babble.com/babble-best/top-50-mommy-food-blogs/nominate-a-food-blog/index.aspx
Search alphabetically, (she's currently* # 291 on page 6), and click like for: Rach and Me.

* If other blogs get added to the list, start at # 291 on page 6 and scroll down to you find Rach and Me.

Thank you!
Only takes a moment, but makes someone special very happy.
Every vote means a lot, so please get everyone you know to vote too.

After you vote for Rach and Me, come back here, and leave a comment with a clean topic. (Nothing political, controversial, or racy.) To show my gratitude for your vote for my sister's blog, I'll see what joke I can write for you on your selected topic. That should be fun for everyone!

For topic ideas: What in life mystifies you? What makes no sense at all? What intrigues you?

If you prefer, you can pick three random words or phrases; and I'll write a Hymn Improv for you.

Your choice.

Thank you again.

Blessings & Joy,
Dean

PS You can vote every day, so please do so. And please repost the link and voting request to your pages too. She's so close already, when you and your friends vote for her, she'll assured a spot in the top 50!

Part of the point of this blog is to make others happy; and sometimes we can make ourselves feel better by making others happy, so please vote for "Rach and Me", because this will make my sister so very happy. She's a great person; and she writes a fantastic blog.

Thank you again! This means a lot to me and my family.

What Would Jesus Do?

I needed some advice so I went to my pastor; and he said, “It’s always good to stop and ask: What Would Jesus Do?” 

Hmm, what would Jesus do? 

He would be spat upon, mocked, flogged, tortured, and crucified for the sins of the world! 

Not the answer I was looking for. 

I just wanted some suggestions for a Father’s Day gift. 

… So I healed his leprosy.

And built him a bookshelf. 

I hope you have better luck finding a gift for your dad.

Blessings & Joy,
Dean

Divine Definitions

(No heresy intended. This is meant to be good-natured fun!)

Born Again -- The feeling you get when you wake up after a particularly long sermon. 

Benediction -- The church equivalent of “Gentlemen, start your engines.” 

Rapture -- After the Benediction, the feeling the parishioners who leave first feel especially when they reach their favorite restaurant and find a parking space out front. 

Heathen -- A non-church member.  Or a church member who doesn’t tithe. 

Hymn -- Church songs denoted with a masculine pronoun to belie the fact that the notes are too high for even sopranos to sing.

Denomination -- Unit of monetary value.  Most churches prefer fifties and hundreds.  But if push comes to shove, they’ll gladly break a twenty.  Maybe gladly isn’t the right word. 

Prayer Requests -- Gossip in a godly disguise. 

The Good Confession -- The one the clergy will talk about for weeks. 

Fifth Third Baptist Church -- The name of a Baptist church after all the good ones have been taken. 

Parish -- The thought one ponders when the service runs too long. 

Brethren -- The people who come after you when you miss a payment on your pledge. 

I hope I've cheered you up. And I hope I inspired you to hire me to perform at your church. :o)

Thank you for stopping by. No matter what's going on in your life, find at least three things for which you can give thanks.

Blessings & Joy,
Dean

My Hymn Improv

I'm part of an improv comedy troupe called the ImprovAddicts. Founded by Daniel Terry, now run by Mike Cotton and Darryl Knapp. But even before that, back in October, 2006, I used an improv routine in my standup show for my friend David Warren's church Presbyterian Chapel in the Grove (or "Pres-Chap" as I like to call it).

I needed to write a bunch of new material and worried about being able to memorize so much too. So I thought I'd use an improv bit as part of my show. That way I'd have less to remember; and at least that part of the show would appear spontaneous, because it would be.

Thinking about improvisation, I remembered that long ago, Mac Davis and his band used to improvise songs based on audience suggestions, so I figured I could improvise a hymn a cappella and created my Hymn Improv:

I get 3 random words or phrases from the audience and turn those into a new hymn. If the first improvised hymn goes well, I take 3 more words/phrases plus a style of music and make up a second hymn in that style of music. That adds to the humor since the audience picks types of music not normally associated with hymns, such as rap or heavy metal. I can’t Improv in print, so here’s what happened the first time I performed my Hymn Improv:

The suggestions were: “I’ll be back”, banana, refrigerator, and bratwurst.

(ImprovAddict me, I took four suggestions instead of three.)

With those suggestions, I came up with Hymn 144,072:

“I’ll Be Back in the Refrigerator Lord, If You Don’t Save Me Now”:

(You can make up your own hymn-esque tune as read the lyrics, because I made up one as I sang them.)

"When Jesus ascended, He said, “I’ll be back”;
and so we wait like a banana,
in the refrigerator, changing day by day.
Hopefully, He’ll come back,
before we look like bratwurst,
on the happy Judgment Day.
A-a-amen!"

This is true improv! I have no idea what tune or lyrics I'm going to sing or how I'm going to weave the suggestions together until I start singing. But that's what makes this so much fun for everyone. I have a friend play four measures on a piano; and then I start. Four measures is all I get! To me, this involves a lot of Divine Intervention and Inspiration.

What added to the humor was when the Pres-Chap crowd chose rap for the song style of the second hymn; and yet, David still played the same traditional four measures for the intro!

I've only performed the Hymn Improv a couple times, but it's never missed. Maybe that's why it's my favorite part of my show. (And the crowd's too.)

Even when I bombed for a Salvation Army Christmas dinner show; they laughed at that. Which I thought was great, because I follow that up with my surefire hilarious material. But unfortunately, they went back to their blank stares afterwards. But still, they roared at the Hymn Improv. And for the second rendition, where they get to pick the song style, they chose heavy metal!

For me, the part that's most fun, and the most difficult, is to sing "A-a-amen!" with a traditional hymn ending tune after having performed rap or sung a heavy metal hymn. I sing the wild antics of the chosen genre; and then end with "A-a-amen!" The juxtaposition of those two very different song styles (traditional hymn music and something totally modern and non-hymn-ish) strikes me as funny, so that's hard to do without cracking up.

That's my Hymn Improv.

Remember, when times get tough, get a tougher faith. And no matter what life throws at you, improvise a tune to get you through.

Have a safe weekend. You are not alone. Jesus is with you always until the end of the age. (Matthew 28:20)

Blessings & Joy,
Dean