(No heresy intended. This is meant to be good-natured fun!)
Born Again -- The feeling you get when you wake up after a particularly long sermon.
Benediction -- The church equivalent of “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
Rapture -- After the Benediction, the feeling the parishioners who leave first feel especially when they reach their favorite restaurant and find a parking space out front.
Heathen -- A non-church member. Or a church member who doesn’t tithe.
Hymn -- Church songs denoted with a masculine pronoun to belie the fact that the notes are too high for even sopranos to sing.
Denomination -- Unit of monetary value. Most churches prefer fifties and hundreds. But if push comes to shove, they’ll gladly break a twenty. Maybe gladly isn’t the right word.
Prayer Requests -- Gossip in a godly disguise.
The Good Confession -- The one the clergy will talk about for weeks.
Fifth Third Baptist Church -- The name of a Baptist church after all the good ones have been taken.
Parish -- The thought one ponders when the service runs too long.
Brethren -- The people who come after you when you miss a payment on your pledge.
I hope I've cheered you up. And I hope I inspired you to hire me to perform at your church. :o)
Thank you for stopping by. No matter what's going on in your life, find at least three things for which you can give thanks.
Blessings & Joy,
Dean
Born Again -- The feeling you get when you wake up after a particularly long sermon.
Benediction -- The church equivalent of “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
Rapture -- After the Benediction, the feeling the parishioners who leave first feel especially when they reach their favorite restaurant and find a parking space out front.
Heathen -- A non-church member. Or a church member who doesn’t tithe.
Hymn -- Church songs denoted with a masculine pronoun to belie the fact that the notes are too high for even sopranos to sing.
Denomination -- Unit of monetary value. Most churches prefer fifties and hundreds. But if push comes to shove, they’ll gladly break a twenty. Maybe gladly isn’t the right word.
Prayer Requests -- Gossip in a godly disguise.
The Good Confession -- The one the clergy will talk about for weeks.
Fifth Third Baptist Church -- The name of a Baptist church after all the good ones have been taken.
Parish -- The thought one ponders when the service runs too long.
Brethren -- The people who come after you when you miss a payment on your pledge.
I hope I've cheered you up. And I hope I inspired you to hire me to perform at your church. :o)
Thank you for stopping by. No matter what's going on in your life, find at least three things for which you can give thanks.
Blessings & Joy,
Dean
