Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures Is FREE August 22-26, 2014

Photo Source: 
http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Bent-HUMOR-Adventures-Wouldnt-Rather-ebook/dp/B00CDGV9Q8

Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures 
Is FREE August 22-26, 2014

by
Dean Burkey

Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures

Wouldn’t You Rather Have Your Humor Be Heaven-Bent Than Bent The Other Way? 

Whether Dean backpacks with Bigfoot in Bermuda, time-travels with movie stars, or inadvertently destroys worlds beyond ours, this guy knows how to have fun! Enjoy his crazy, quite possibly insane, adventures! 

What will Dean do with the billions he makes by his books? Find out inside! And encourage billions of others to do so too. Especially if they buy them all and pay full price! 

Inventive, funny, suspenseful, each story provides a mini-vacation away from the burdens of your day. So get your ticket to fun now; and start reading. Destination: Comedy! Full of new funny jokes and guaranteed to make you laugh.* 

Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside! 

Check out the Table of Contents! The actual “adventures” don’t start until “The Perfect Plan: Foiled!” (or “Spice Boy”, or “My O.B.E.”, depending on how you define adventure). We included a few “non-adventurous” pieces to lay the groundwork for the adventures, or because they related somehow, or we just thought they were funny. Or simply to pad the book to make it look more impressive! 

Although most of these crazy, intrepid, and entertaining tales stand alone, they still tie together to build to a shock ending. 

Snippets

Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eating a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, an alien cyborg, or a shape-shifter who must be destroyed! Or given a jar of peanut butter. 

Don’t forget to wrap your head in aluminum foil too, so those intergalactic fiends can’t read your mind. Otherwise, no one else in the field of extra-terrestrial relations will take you seriously. 
The pinwheel hat is optional. 

My secret sources on this matter are uncharacteristically convoluted and unclear about the exact details. But why would somebody post something on the Internet, if it’s not true? 

The “handsomest” of them resembled Bigfoot. Only with ZZ Top beards and a Snidely Whiplash mustache. Strange race indeed. 
And that was just their women! 

I don’t want to be remembered for that! Instead, remember me for my sense of humor, thoughtfulness, and great legs. Best of all would be being remembered for being Rachel Bilson’s trophy husband! 

They had the dumbest entertainment too! Some dude in a designer pinstriped suit waved a pocket watch back and forth while chanting repeatedly: “You will do as I say. You will do as I say.” 

Never thought I’d wind up in jail. 
An asylum? Sure. It’s a such crazy world, you’d be nuts not to go insane. 

Don’t fall in love with a psycho; she’ll only break your heart. Or cut it out and feed it to the pigeons. 

I’m too exciting for most women. The majority of them want someone boring. It’s true. Their date ads say they don’t want men who play games. 
But I say, what’s wrong with Pictionary? 
It’s like charades on paper! 

Good times to be sure. But if Andy Warhol’s words are true, about each person getting his/her own 15 minutes of fame, I’ve still got another 14 minutes and 57 seconds coming! 
----- 
Keywords: Comedy, Fiction, Action, Adventure, Science Fiction, Suspense, Fantasy, Humor, Humour, Satire, Parody, Spoof, Thrills, Jokes, Elvis, Jacko, Bigfoot, Abominable Snowman, Loch Ness, Nessie, Sci-Fi, Insanity, Funny Jokes, Funny, Fun, Supermodels, Chocolate, Shock Ending. 

* Each entry's like a mini-vacation to Funny Town. You never know with whom Dean will hang out. Elvis, Jacko, Bigfoot, Nessie, and more! I guarantee you'll find something in this book to make you laugh. If not, return it in less than a week; and Amazon should issue a refund. You have nothing to lose and lots of laughter to gain, so scroll up; and click the Buy button now!

All The Best,

Dean Burkey

Enjoy Music, Product Samples, Games, 

Free Trials, Risk-Free Trials, & More!

Click Here to Shop at Amazon!


Click Here to Watch 
The Believe Me Movie Trailer

Whatever Man

Uploaded on Jun 1, 2007 by

Elliander Eldridge

More Excerpts:

Because nothing honors a person’s memory 
more than having a potato chip 
with that person’s likeness enshrined for all to see. 
_______

The government should charge 
a hefty Non-Superhero Tax to billionaires 
who aren’t superheroes, 
to fund folks who want to be superheroes, 
but can’t afford the exorbitant costs 
of costuming and gadgetry. 
_______

My neighbor baked me cookies. 
Isn’t that sweet? 
She wanted to thank me 
for helping her bury her grandfather 
in a new vegetable garden in her backyard. 
She couldn’t afford a coffin or a burial plot, 
so I helped her out, because I know how tough times are. 
The weird thing is, 
her grandfather resembled her husband 
who’s been missing ever since. 
_______

Since Bigfoot and I had so much fun 
backpacking in Bermuda, 
we decided to go camping. 
Sadly, many campground owners are raving species-ists. 
They don’t allow “animals” to stay at their campgrounds. 
More sadly, um, sadliericious, 
they think of Bigfoot as an animal and not a hairy uncle. 

_______

For More Excerpts, 
Read Yesterday’s Post: 
Why Some Kindle Authors
Make Their Books
Available for FREE

_______

Escape From Braddock Forest

Published on Feb 28, 2013 by

Smokepointband

 
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Full Throttle Fat Loss

Why Some Kindle Authors Make Their Books Available for FREE

Why Some Kindle Authors 
Make Their Books 
Available for FREE
by

Dean Burkey

For instance, purely as an example and/or a shameless plug, Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures Is FREE August 22-26, 2014:

Photo Source: 
http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Bent-HUMOR-Adventures-
Wouldnt-Rather-ebook/dp/B00CDGV9Q8

So why in the world do some Kindle authors make their books available for FREE? Have they been overly medicated during troubling times? Were they conked on the head with a jumbo-sized candy cane and now they think they're Santa Claus? Or, Stan Lee-style, were they bitten by a radioactive generous person? 

The most common reason Kindle authors make their books available for FREE is to accrue as many "sales" as possible. Although we don't get paid for the "sale" of FREE books, we get recognition for them in the Amazon system. So much so that a book with 10,000 copies given away may rank higher than a book that has actually sold 9,000 paid copies. (Other factors affect ranking, but I think a FREE "sale" does count as much as a paid sale.) 

So that's  why, technically, it doesn't even "matter" if you even read the FREE book. At least in a business sense. But being writers, of course we want you to read our work. So much so that a FREE book can be considered a sample of our style, so that you'll be more likely to come back and buy our other books. 

So yes, we want our books to rank higher; and we want to be read. But also, the ideal scenario is to garner a slew of 5-Star Reviews. That's a major goal for all writers. Not only to bolster our fragile egos, but to increase our ranking even higher and to help us make "real" sales. I.e., to get paid. Because 5-Star Reviews give an author "street cred". 

Another goal, not used by all writers, is to get sales via embedded affiliate links within the book. Which works better when using relevant products with nonfiction books. 

Some writers offer a Freebie inside their books too, but the only way you can get that Freebie is to visit their page and submit your email address. I've never done that yet, but it's a viable way to build a list of people interested in what one has to offer. And when you have a new book coming out, you can email them to let them know.

I suppose that another reason, for some writers, might be to generate good "Karma" by offering one's work for FREE. By doing so, such authors expect The Universe to pay them back in other ways. Like a bunch of paid sales. And/or a mega-hot trophy spouse. 

Supermodel's Trophy Husband Shirt by EvilTwinStore
Browse more Supermodel T-Shirts at Zazzle

Those are the main goals that I can think of as to why Kindle authors make their books available for FREE. But another reason why I'm making this particular book available for FREE is to help promote my blog Heaven-Bent HUMOR! 

All The Best,

Dean Burkey

Enjoy Music, Product Samples, Games, 

Free Trials, Risk-Free Trials, & More!

Read eBooks using 

the FREE Kindle Reading App 

on Most Devices

Click Here to Shop at Amazon!


Click Here to Watch 
The Believe Me Movie Trailer

Please Note: 
I admit the following comedy sketch is way too long!
But we were making a show 
where we needed to fill up lots of time, 
so that's what I did.  
It's still funny, possibly even hilarious, 
so the long setup does lead 
to a fun and funny ending for the last two minutes. 
Plus there are lots of jokes before then too.
Please Enjoy!

The Death Bed Spoof

Uploaded on Jun 1, 2007 by

Elliander Eldridge

More Excerpts from
Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures:

There are two things you need to know about me, 
two very important things: 
One, I always mean well. 
Two, most of what I say is meant to be funny. 
And three, sometimes I say more than I should.  
_______

My friends worry about me 
when we watch superhero movies. 
‘Cause afterwards, I’ll say, “That was fun. 
But that’s not how it really happened.” 
_______

Aquaman in the desert 
won’t do anyone any good. 
Especially himself. 
In fact, he’ll just get on everyone else’s nerves. 
More so than he already does with his 
stinking up the Hall of Justice with his fish odors. 
Eau de Phish is not a big-selling cologne. 
And Water Boy’s always leaving 
inexplicable puddles all over the place.  
_______

Sure, she’s a little high strung. 
But we always made each other laugh.
I mean, when she wasn’t trying to kill me.

_______

The people bowed before Elvis, but yanked me away. 

Elvis marched after me, quickly, but with quiet dignity. 

Seems like he really is a king. And I’m really lunch! 

The natives led me to a boiling pot, ripped off my clothes, and held me down to decapitate me with a machete. 

“Um, Elvis? If you’re not too busy, could you, um, take a moment out of your hectic day; and please, please, please, HELP!!!!!!!”

_______

My life flashed before my eyes as my head and upper torso fell into the shark’s mouth. I remembered the fun I had time-traveling. I regretted not being able to make Jennifer Lawrence the happiest woman in the world.

Or her and a friend.

If her friend was named Carly Rae.

Other than that, I already planned the perfect last day of my life, so I was ready to check out. I just didn’t want to. Not through the intestinal tract of an overgrown guppy with fangs.   

Please Note:
You need to turn the volume 
all the way up lot for this one!
This one was written by Richard Eldridge, 
but I added a funny line or two as well. ;o)
Stars the beautiful and highly talented Vivienne Brown. 

Diet Lard

Uploaded on May 31, 2007 by

Elliander Eldridge

 
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Bonus Post: Get The DEAN Adventures FREE Sept. 19-23, 2013

Bonus Post: 

Get The DEAN Adventures FREE 
Sept. 19-23, 2013

by
Dean Burkey

Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures

NEWLY UPDATED!

Wouldn’t you rather have your humor be Heaven-Bent than bent the other way?

Whether Dean backpacks with Bigfoot in Bermuda, time-travels with movie stars, or inadvertently destroys worlds beyond ours, this guy knows how to have fun! Enjoy his crazy, quite possibly insane, adventures!

What will Dean do with the billions he makes by his books? Find out inside! And encourage billions of others to do so too. Especially if they buy them all and pay full price!

Inventive, funny, suspenseful, each story provides a mini-vacation away from the burdens of your day. So get your ticket to fun now; and start reading. Destination: Comedy! Guaranteed to make you laugh.*

Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside!

Check out the Table of Contents! Depending on how you define adventure, the actual “adventures” don’t start until “The Perfect Plan: Foiled!” or “My O.B.E.”. We included a few “non-adventurous” pieces to lay the groundwork for the adventures, or because they related somehow, or we just thought they were funny. Or simply to pad the book to make it look more impressive!

Although most of these crazy, intrepid, and entertaining tales stand alone, they still tie together to build to a shock ending.

Snippets

Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eating a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, an alien cyborg, or a shape-shifter who must be destroyed! Or given a jar of peanut butter.

Don’t forget to wrap your head in aluminum foil too, so those intergalactic fiends can’t read your mind. Otherwise, no one else in the field of extra-terrestrial relations will take you seriously.
The pinwheel hat is optional.

My secret sources on this matter are uncharacteristically convoluted and unclear about the exact details. But why would somebody post something on the Internet, if it’s not true?

The “handsomest” of them resembled Bigfoot. Only with ZZ Top beards and a Snidely Whiplash mustache. Strange race indeed.
And that was just their women!

I don’t want to be remembered for that! Instead, remember me for my sense of humor, thoughtfulness, and great legs. Best of all would be being remembered for being Katharine McPhee’s trophy husband!

They had the dumbest entertainment too! Some dude in a designer pinstriped suit waved a pocket watch back and forth while chanting repeatedly: “You will do as I say. You will do as I say.”

Never thought I’d wind up in jail.
An asylum? Sure. It’s a such crazy world, you’d be nuts not to go insane.

Don’t fall in love with a psycho; she’ll only break your heart. Or cut it out and feed it to the pigeons.

I’m too exciting for most women. The majority of them want someone boring. It’s true. Their date ads say they don’t want men who play games.
But I say, what’s wrong with Pictionary?
It’s like charades on paper!

Good times to be sure. But if Andy Warhol’s words are true, about each person getting his/her own 15 minutes of fame, I’ve still got another 14 minutes and 57 seconds coming!

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Photo Source:

The photo of the author running from a Monster Crab

(a.k.a. Crab Cake Gone Wild)

is a mock-up still created by Brad Hudson using footage

from his film project “The Bad Clam”.

The background picture is A Cloudy Blue Sky by Photo Rack.

Bonus Excerpts:

          If you wish history hadn’t been altered; and you’d rather live in a world
where every meal requires copious clumps of ketchup, then blame me.
I just wanted to hang out and be cool with the Holly Boys.
I thought for sure at least one of them would hook me up with a bikini supermodel.
One with a heart of gold, of course, because I’m not shallow.
          Too bad Travolta broke my time machine. Still intent on riding a pterodactyl,
he thought he could push any button he wanted as long as he imagined
where he wanted to go. He even tried clicking his heels together and chanting:
“There’s no place like the late Jurassic period. There’s no place like the late Jurassic period.”

          The government keeps the formula for that synthetic fuel
in a secret underground vault, along with the cures for cancer, rickets, and hiccups;
as well as the formulas for Coca-Cola, KFC original recipe chicken,
and the ingredients of a Big Mac (although a double agent released that information
to the public in the 1970s via a catchy jingle).

... I was placed under armed guard and was supposed to be shot and hung at dawn.
Or as soon as they could decide which to do first.
          Had it not been my execution, I would’ve explained how hanging
gives the shooters a moving target as the body flails around.
But the only suggestion I offered was, “There’s a new way to execute traitors.
You fill them with chocolate, until they smile to death, or burst apart.”

           --“Shut up!” yelled the seedy-looking lad. “I don’t mind a moving target. 
But a yapping one makes it hard for me to think.”
          “Oh really?” I asked.           “Yes!”           I called out, “Everyone yap!”           Constable McBrody talked about how he joined the force so he could make a difference.           Captain McSquint, for some odd reason, blathered on about split ends and his inability 
to find satisfactory hair products that could handle the salt air.           Even Nessie clicked, clacked, and whistled in that way that she does. 
No one else could interpret, except me, so I knew she forgave me. 
She knew I’d never muck up so royally on purpose.           Whereas I bemoaned the fact that I never got to marry a supermodel heiress 
to a chocolate fortune. She wouldn’t even have to juggle or play the ukulele. 
Those talents were just options. Not necessities. She’d still need a heart of gold though. 
Or she’d have to be a super dee duper supermodel. With a heart of silver or bronze. 
At the very least nickel or copper. Possibly pyrite, but only if she’s a contortionist too.           Somehow blocking out our auditory distractions, 
the seedy-looking lad got me in his sights and pulled the trigger.
           Kablam!            Ow! Why did he shoot me?! I’m the funny one!
           Aren’t I? 

To see more, 
Click to LOOK INSIDE!

BUY NOW!

Crab Cakes Gone Wild!

Crab Cakes Gone Wild!

by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source:
A Mock-Up Still from “The Bad Clam”
(an unfinished film) by Brad Hudson

Bigfoot and I had a falling out.
More like a throwing out!
He threw me out of a tree, 
because he blamed me for his bad case of fleas! 

I think Biggie just felt bad, 
because he almost fed me to the sharks. 

Little Known Fact: 
Bigfoot hates being called Biggie!
Except by me. 

I’m the only one allowed to call him that, 
so I have to remember not to call him that 
in front of others; 
or they’ll think he likes that 
and start calling him that too. 
Biggie hates when others call him Biggie, 
because they’re talking about his feet, 
but I’m talking about his heart. 

I caught him climbing a tall tree 
to return a fallen sparrow to its nest. 
He look embarrassed, 
as if I shouldn’t have seen him. 
I said, “Dude, it’s cool to have a big heart. 
If everyone did; the world would be a much better place. 
Now hurry down, before that tree snaps in half.”

Great Advice: 
Don’t ever ask Bigfoot for a piggyback ride. 
Because he will expect one in return. 

Biggie’s just a big kid at heart. 
A big hairy kid who can crush you with one heartfelt hug. 

So maybe our parting ways was for the best. 
He acted brave in front of me, 
but when he was a couple miles away, 
I heard his wailing echo through the valley. 
That was either Bigfoot crying because he missed me. 
Or the Scorpion King got his tail caught 
under an automatic garage door again. 


I’d rather think Biggie missed me. 
And why wouldn’t he? 
We had so much fun 
backpacking in Bermuda 
and camping and canoeing in California; 
near-death experiences notwithstanding. 

We hang out a lot, 

so I’m sure I’ll see him again. 

Meanwhile, I felt famished. 

Being falsely accused of causing flea problems 

and flung from trees always makes me hungry. 

Blessed as I always am, 
I stumbled upon Craig’s Crab Shack. 

Confounded as I often am, 
that wasn’t a seafood place! 

Fortunately though, 
Katrina’s Crab Shack was. 

I ordered crab cakes. 
I needed something to assuage the aching in my heart 
from parting ways with such a noble and hairy friend. 
Plus, I was hungry! 

I found this quaint seafood restaurant 
only because I watched a meteor 
crash into its backyard. 
The glowing of that smoldering space rock 
led me to the place. 

With the day sunny, but not hot, I sat outside. 
While I waited for my order to cook, 
I whipped out my magnifying glass 
to read the fine print of a studio contract! 
Unfortunately, my doing so 
burned the contract to ashes. 
But not before I caught a glimpse of a phrase 
“cost the writer his integrity and very soul”. 

Hmm. 
I wondered what that meant. 
The producer Mephisto Darklord, 
owner and operator of Diablo Studios, 
promised me that with one signature, 
he could make all my writing dreams come true. 
Except for the supermodel clones and chocolate river. 


So my big break went up in smoke! 
But I knew I’d get famous soon enough. 
How could any reasonable movie mogul 
turn down such great screenplays as 
“Exit Strategies”, 
“Channel Surfing”, 
and “Sharks on a Plane”?


Other than my overcooking a studio contract, 
Katrina’s Crab Shack seemed like a decent place. 
The server Sasha was cordial and kind. 
The prices reasonable. 
And Collier the chef prepared the food 
as rapidly as non-fast-food can be made. 

Unfortunately, … 

I noticed that my order of crab cakes 
emanated the same eerie glow as the meteor. 
Not only that, 
but they leapt from the plate 
and moon-walked toward me. 

So I ran. 


Fortunately, 
I ate enough crackers 
while waiting for my crab cakes 
that I gained a little sustenance. 
(If you can call crackers sustenance.) 

Unfortunately, 

the crab cakes gained a little sustenance 

from the tartar and cocktail sauces. 

Even more unfortunately, 

that wasn’t nearly enough sustenance for them, 

so they sought more. 

Even still more unfortunately, 

they sought sustenance from me! 

At first I fled along the beach. 
But then I realized that such a locale automatically 
gave the crab cakes the home field advantage! 

So I darted into the woods, 

hoping to lose the trail of the Crab Cakes Gone Wild. 
Wasn’t that easy. 
They kept right behind me every step of the way! 
I knew I should’ve stuck with a vegan diet. 
Vegans never get attacked by their food! 

Having Crab Cakes try to eat me 
broke my number one food rule: 

Never eat anything 
that can eat you back! 

But in my defense, 
I had no idea those things would spring to life. 
I also didn’t realize they would grow so rapidly. 
I raced back to the cruise ship. 
I didn’t want to miss the boat. 


But in my defense, 
I had no idea those things would spring to life. 
I also didn’t realize they would grow so rapidly. 

On the bright side, 

the larger the Crab Cakes got, 

from eating unlucky squirrels and chipmunks 

who scampered in their way, 

the clumsier they became. 

Growing too fast for their minds 

to adapt to their enlarging bodies. 

Kind of like pubescent adolescents. 

On the dark side, 

the larger they got, 

the stronger they got. 

I no longer had to look back to wonder where they were. 

I could hear them knocking over the trees 

that got in their way. 

I missed Bigfoot like crazy. 

He always knew how to handle marauding monsters. 

 Snap! Swoosh! Crunch! Swish! 
Trees flew at me from behind. 
They were too close for me 
to waste time turning around. 
I listened carefully to know when to duck, 
while I kept fleeing forward 
as fast as my semi-hungry legs could carry me. 


Scrap! Smoosh! 
A tree swung at me from right in front of me! 
I ducked as courageously as I could. 


The tree swung over me like a mighty bat 
hitting a homerun as it clobbered the Crab Cake in front. 


I wondered why the Crab Cakes turned on each other. 
Or did they not think I would duck? 


None of the above! 
Biggie came back for me! 
Bigfoot held the tree overhead and growled. 
I can’t be sure, 
because I’m not entirely familiar 
with the physiology of gigantic Crab Cakes. 
But I’m pretty sure they wet themselves. 

I did! 
So I’m pretty sure they must’ve too. 
They emitted some form of liquid 
and shrunk to half their size almost instantaneously. 
Biggie batted the Crab Cakes back to the crab shack. 
As they rolled into the parking lot, 
they shrunk to their original size, but still kept attacking. 

Although winded, 
out of breath, 
and running with wet pants, 
I rushed; 
well, maybe rushed isn’t the right word; 
I crawled faster than a dying snail 
back to Katrina’s Crab Shack, 
where Bigfoot pounded the Crab Cakes to no avail. 

Struggling to remain conscious, 
I called out, 
“Biggie! … 
You take care … 
of the meteor. … 
I’ve got … 
this.” 

Bigfoot looked around 

to make sure no one heard me call him Biggie; 
and swung the tree like a golf club, 
hitting a hole-in-one with the meteor 
landing in a cave on the other side of the cove. 


I pulled out my magnifying glass 
and treated those Crab Cakes 
like a love letter from my ex. 
Burning them the way I accidentally 
burned the screenwriting contract.

The Crab Cakes screeched 
as they smoldered and charred into oblivion. 


Hearing a ruckus, Collier the chef 
came from the kitchen to investigate. 
Seeing me, he said, 
“Table 3. How were your crab cakes?” 

I shrugged.
“A bit overcooked.”


With the seafood entrée invasion destroyed,
I passed out.

Seeing my sweaty forehead and wet pants, 
Collier called out, “Sasha! 
I told you not to serve the tap water!” 

Bigfoot towered over Collier and growled.

Collier broke out into a cold sweat and wet himself.
He called out to Sasha, “Never mind!”


Biggie carried me to a seaside restaurant 
on the end of a long pier: The Mitter’s Catch. 

Upon awakening, 
I hugged Bigfoot and said, 
“Thank you so much! I’m sorry I gave you fleas.” 

Biggie laughed and hugged me back, 
almost cracking my every rib. 
His growl told me he didn’t really blame me for the fleas. 

Splish-splash-plop! 
Hearing that sound, 
I looked into the ocean next to our table 
and gulped to see a crab cake 
floating alongside the restaurant. 

My face turned white. 


Great Advice: 
If you’re in a situation 
where you might get scared to death, 
don’t wear white pants. 


Any dignity I might’ve had left 
oozed onto the pier. 

Biggie laughed like a dental patient 

overdosing on nitrous oxide. 

I said, “It’s not funny!
You can’t find a tree on the pier to bat them away!”

With a growing smile,
Bigfoot pulled a tray of crab cakes from under the table.
He then growled in a way that said,
“Now we’re even!”

“For what? You admitted I didn’t give you fleas!”

He folded his arms
and grunted in a way that seemed to say,
“For getting mad at my ingesting dairy.”

I shook my head,
ready to rant about the need to let things go,
but then I noticed several dorsal fins gliding nearby.
Gulp! 
No way I wanted another sh-sh-shark encounter
anytime soon, so I acquiesced.
“Sure thing, Biggie. Whatever you say.”

I didn’t see that the server Antonio approached.
He smiled at Bigfoot and asked,
“Care for more crab cakes Biggie?”

Oops! 
Bigfoot glared at me as if to say,
“We’re no longer even!”

Biggie’s a great guy.
He saved my life plenty of times!
But between the fleas, the flatulence,
and his moody temper tantrums,
I decided then and there,
that I had enough Bigfoot sightings for a while.

For my next trip, 
I’m flying to Scotland 
to see the Loch Ness Monster.

She may be slippery, 
but Nessie knows how to party. 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Tim Hawkins - Wii and Games, Glow in the dark frisbee Funny!

Uploaded on May 21, 2010 by

sideburns2009

Bill Cosby:
Parents are not interested in justice. 
They want quiet.

Dean Burkey:
Telemarketers use sophisticated computer systems 
that detect the moment you sit down to eat; 
and then start dialing. 

George Carlin:
“No comment” is a comment.

Dean Burkey:
If you cruise a lot, 
you may be eligible for Frequent Floater Miles. 

Jerry Seinfeld:
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. 
If you see two life forms, 
one of them’s making a poop, 
the other one’s carrying it for him, 
who would you assume is in charge? 


Tom Wilson

Biff From Back To The Future answers your questions

Uploaded on Jan 25, 2011 by

mrholymoly