Monster Laughs [Kindle Edition]
Dean Burkey (Author)Don't have a Kindle?
Get your Kindle here.
“Monster Laughs”
From the Secret Files of the Mystery Hunter
If you’re like me, you love to laugh; and have fun! Congratulations! Now you can do both, with funny fun fiction from the author of "Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures", "How to Write Comedy Jokes", "Seasons Without Reason", "Exit Strategies", "Channel Surfing", and more: Comedian Dean Burkey.
Fear not, laugh a lot, as Paranormal Investigator Eddie Hunter, a.k.a. the Mystery Hunter, matches wits with Count Dracula, the Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, and many other madcap menaces, classic and new, from around the world and beyond.
“Monster Laughs” spoofs monsters and more. In an Odyssey of Oddities, Eddie Hunter tackles the Invisible Man, Space Aliens, and other infamous frights. Further scary topics include romantic misunderstandings, macho insecurities, and diminishing dignity.
No matter how dangerous the situation, the Mystery Hunter keeps his sense of humor, somehow survives, and finds time to enjoy waffles, pie, and bowling. Only he could save the world with bubble gum and burritos.
The beauty of this book, besides being comical, is that each chapter presents its own adventure, while a story weaves throughout.
Busy? Overworked? Stressing out? By this book, you can escape on a monstrously funny mind-trip.
"In my line of work, nothing’s more embarrassing than when the monster laughs."
-- Edward T. Hunter, Paranormal Investigator.
Table of Contents
"Count Dracula Sinks His Teeth into the Big Apple"
To stop the villainous vampire, the Mystery Hunter puts his neck on the line!
"The Howling Werewolf’s Hairy End"
Bring Your Pet to Work Day has never been so deadly! Or so itchy.
"Frankenstein’s Monster Bolts Loose"
Big and green, mighty and mean, the most menacing monster the Hunter’s ever seen. (So far.)
"Doctor Jekyll and Ms. Hyde"
Double the pleasure; double the danger! And with the Hunter involved, double the laughs and mishaps!! And double the indignities and insecurities!!!
"Unraveling the Mystery of the Mummy"
The Mystery Hunter faces more horrors than he’s ever imagined. Is the Mummy out for revenge? Or just running a pyramid scheme?
"Skinny Dipping with the Creature from the Blue Lagoon"
Cannibals, pirates, and sharks, oh my! Also, lost treasure, a whale, a gorilla, a navy seal, and a couple grabby blue crabs. And let’s not forget the web-footed horror of the amphibious Creature! Does the Creature want to kill the Hunter? Or are his desires a fate worse than death? What else would you expect during mating season at the Blue Lagoon?
"The Swinging Tale of the Blue Moon Monkey Man"
The Mystery Hunter encounters a new menace. Before he gets himself killed over a blue banana, the Hunter better solve this case and split!
"Illegal Aliens from Outer Space"
(This Is My Favorite Chapter!)
Worlds turn against the Mystery Hunter, including his own! The galaxy cries out: “Bring me the Hunter!”
"Being Seen with the Invisible Man (Or Not!)"
Although he prides himself on always being prepared, the Mystery Hunter never saw this one coming!
"Challenging the Unchallengeable Charlie Change-O"
The Final Chapter!
Home from a whirlwind, worldwide tour of mystery-hunting, Eddie faces his fiercest foe and solves a mystery he wishes he’d never solved.
"Return of the Blue Moon Monkey Man (And Another Crazy)"
The Final, Final Chapter!
A fiendish foe returns. So does another crazy. And the Hunter makes a monstrously horrifying realization about himself.
Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside!
Inspired lunacy! Zany, quirky, funny, fun. For teens and adults.
“The price is wrong, Mister Barker.” Aiming my weapon at Fuzzy Wuzzy, I called out to my alluring assistant, “Run, Penelope! Run!”
Slipping on a soiled newspaper, Penelope collapsed to the red carpet. Like I said, lycanthropes aren’t known for being housebroken. Which seems odd, since most of them come from broken homes.
Salivating like a ravenous shark at a scuba diver’s convention, the Canine Catastrophe bounded across the room to Penelope.
Aimed and fired my stinky gun, but I hit an electrical panel. After an explosion of sparks, the lights went out.
...
As Frank’s Fiend [Frankenstein’s Monster] lunged forward, I froze. Semi-froze. I chomped my third bite of pie. If you’ve gotta go, why not go with a smile? Bye-bye smile. Horrified, I gasped when he swung his right hand and flung my pie. My delicious key lime smashed into a wall a block away, held for four seconds, and fell onto the head of a crooked politician in an Armani silk suit. The Incredible Sulk destroyed my pie. The monster!
With my finger twitching on the trigger, I thawed out and shoved the barrel of my marble-handled, custom-made, sure-shot, seven, count-‘em, seven-shooter into his mouth. I already reloaded my trusty gun with lead bullets, so not only would I conserve silver, I’d give him lead poisoning. The fatal kind. “What do you say for yourself now? Pie-Flinger!”
“Yummy.” Biting down, the Bolt-Meister bent the end of my marble-handled, custom-made, sure-shot, seven, count-‘em, seven-shooter. Since I could no longer fire, I refroze quicker than leftovers of Tofurky soufflé.
...
The Mad Grabber [Doctor Jekyll] madly grabbed a double dose of his eerie serum and brandished a hypodermic needle at me. “I’ll show you what horror means!”
“No need to. I have a dictionary.” With my kitty-like reflexes, I dodged his first swing. “Or I can Google it online.” I sidestepped his second strike too. “Or Wiki will give me -- Ow!” But not the third. Pain shot through my arm. I wobbled. “Was that needle clean?”
“The needle’s clean; the serum’s not.” The Injection-Meister cackled maddeningly. Not like a villain in a B-movie. He just chortled an annoying laugh that made me mad.
...
Maybe Serena was right. Maybe I am “a freaky little fool in an over-sized coat full of goofy gadgets who can’t solve the mystery of himself, much less anything else”. Should I take such cruel words spoken in anger to heart? But why was she mad? Where did I go wrong with her? My monstrous charisma and hunter’s mystique always made her feel so secure. Whenever she saw me, she shouted, “Security! Security!!”
...
Although not wanting to die, I felt relieved Captain Gills [The Creature from the Blue Lagoon] only wanted to kill me.
But just when I thought it was safe to be murdered by a homicidal maniac, ...
No comments:
Post a Comment