Deer hunting:
That’s what I call
surfing the profiles on dating sites.
With real deer hunting;
how can anyone eat Bambi’s mother,
when peanut butter’s not only tastier,
but spreads better on a banana?
What’s the deal with the Deer Dynasty?
The hunters wear camouflage.
But animals find us by smell.
So all those clothes do is make it harder
for other hunters to see you,
so you get shot in the butt.
Instead of wearing camouflage,
deer hunters should wear Eau de Pasture.
Or a cologne that makes them
smell like Purina Deer Chow.
People get mad at hunters
for killing Bambi’s mother.
But Bambi’s mother was just a cartoon.
When something happens to her;
they can just redraw her;
and she’ll be all right.
And lately,
when it comes to dynasties,
it’s better to be deered up
than ducked up.
(No offense intended to anyone on either side of the issue.
No matter what that issue may or may not be.)
Tim Allen:
Sometimes you get the sense that
the Creator is getting to that point of:
“Yeah, We might have to reboot.”
Mitch Hedberg:
I’ve got a wallet.
It’s orange.
In case I wanna buy a deer.
That doesn’t make any sense at all.
Dean Burkey:
Aren’t there any nice clones?
All we hear about are the evil clones.
Don’t any clones share their pudding cups?
George Carlin:
How do they get the deer
to cross at that yellow road sign?
Steven Wright:
It’s a good thing we have gravity,
or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there.
Hunters would be all confused.
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