Showing posts with label Star Wars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Star Wars. Show all posts

Friday, September 5, 2014

Star Warts



'The Star Wars That I Used To Know' 

- Gotye 'Somebody That I Used To Know' Parody

Published on Jun 27, 2012 by


What do you get 
when you kiss Yoda? 


Okay, 
so I gave the punchline 
(Star Warts) 
before the setup. 

Having seen the R2D2 thermos 
and finding that funny, 
I searched for funny videos, pictures, 
jokes, etc. to create today's post. 
Trust Me I'm A Jedi T-Shirt 
Funny Star Sci Fi TEE Knight Wars Humor Yoda

 So have fun; 
and no matter what you accomplish in life, 
may your theme song 
always be written by John Williams. 

 All The Best,


Razzle-Dazzle with Zazzle


(12x18) Come to the Dark Side We Have Cookies
Funny Indoor/Outdoor Plastic Sign

Click Here to Shop at Amazon!

Please Note: 
Some may find the some of the language 
in the following video offensive:

Eddie Izzard Star Wars Cantina

Uploaded on Jun 19, 2007 by
Click Here to Watch 
The Believe Me Movie Trailer

 Author Unknown:
(From: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/starwarsjokes.html)
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? 
A: To get to the Dark Side. 

 Author Unknown:
(From: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/starwarsjokes.html)
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know 
he was leaning towards the dark side? 
A: In the Sith Grade.


Star Wars "Who's Your Daddy"?
Father's Day Coffee Mug Collectible Novelty 
11 Oz Nice Valentine Inspirational and Motivational Souvenir

 Author Unknown:
(From: http://www.squidoo.com/star-wars-humor)
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant; 
and Luke’s having trouble.
Finally, Obi-Wan says, 
“Luke, use the forks.”

Dean Burkey:
Jedi Master or not, 
Darth Vader cannot sneak up on people 
with all his heavy breathing. 
Nor can he make a phone call 
without being accused of being obscene. 

Author Unknown:
(From: http://www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/starwarsjokes.html)
Unless you're a Jedi; 
and it's a lightsaber, 
nothing looks good hanging off your belt.

 Author Unknown: 
(From: http://www.squidoo.com/star-wars-humor)
Yoda walked into a bar 
with Obi-Wan and bought a 5 dollar drink.
Seeing that he only had 4 dollars, 
Yoda asked Obi-Wan, 
“Have a dollar do you? 
A little short I am.”
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Friday, April 12, 2013

Canoeing with Sharks 2: Am I Really on the Menu?


Canoeing with Sharks 2: 
Am I Really on the Menu?

Continued from yesterday, 
so please read my previous post: 
Canoeing with Sharks

Otherwise, 
I open this brief recap will suffice: 
When I went camping with Bigfoot, 
we got in a fight. 
After I left him on shore while I went canoeing, 
he summoned all kinds of sharks to attack. 
I quickly tried to make amends, 
so he called off the sharks. 
Only the largest one didn’t get the message. 
Or he got it; and ignored it. 
The Mega-Giant Shark swam from below 
and smashed the canoe in half, 
which sent me flying high into the sky. 
Like a highly-paid center fielder, 
the shark waited below with open jaws, 
ready to catch me and swallow me whole. 
Bigfoot didn’t seem to be any help at all, 
wailing away at my forthcoming annihilation. 
When all of a sudden, 
things got worse ... 

As if falling toward the open jaws 
of a huge honking shark wasn’t bad enough, 
the hungry sea predator flapped his mighty tail 
to rise toward me. 
Talk about fast food! 

The sucker couldn’t even wait for gravity. 

“Hey Chewie! 
A little help please!”

Little Known Fact: 
Bigfoots, (Bigfeet?),
Sasquatches, Yetis, Abominable Snowpeople, 
and other creatures covered in fur, 
including my Uncle Cleatus and Aunt Carrie, 
hate being called Chewbacca!*
Or Chewie. 
(Which is short for Chewbacca.)

I knew that would get his attention. 
Which it did. 
Snapped him out his writing my eulogy.  

Little Known Fact: 
Bigfoot can’t swim. 

Or maybe he can, 
but he hates the water. 
Takes forever for all his hair to dry. 
So he couldn’t do a thing to rescue me. 
Or could he? 

Guess not. 
My life flashed before my eyes 
as my head and upper torso fell into the shark’s mouth. 
I remembered the fun I had time-traveling.**
I regretted not being able to make Katharine McPhee 
the happiest woman in the world. 

Other than that, 
I already planned the perfect last day of my life,***
so I was ready to check out. 
I just didn’t want to. 
Not through the intestinal tract of an overgrown guppy. 

As the shark’s jaws started to snap shut, 
which surely would have torn me asunder. 
But not in a good way. 
Something screeched and yanked me away. 
Literally at the last possible millisecond. 

Somehow Biggie summoned a pterodactyl 
from the Inner Earth.****
Terry, 
as I affectionately called the lifesaving pterodactyl, 
flung me onto the shore. 
The shark splashed down and swam away. 
Terry shrieked and flapped away. 
Although rejoicing to have survived 
such a harrowing adventure, 
I grimaced to see how Terry crapped 
all over my life jacket. 
Which, 
although I didn’t think I had anything left in me, 
made me barf once more all over said jacket. 
Ew! 
Was that my gall bladder? 

Biggie didn’t mind my barf or the dinosaur poop. 
He hugged me, happy that I was alive. 
I hugged him back and said, 
“You know I only meant the free prize 
in the Cocoa Puffs; right? 
I still get whatever comes inside 
Trix and Lucky Charms.” 

Biggie growled; 
and the Goliath shark, 
whom I affectionately dubbed Adolf Bin Laden,
plopped onto the shore next to us, 
snapping his jaws like toddlers with tater tots. 

I forced my famous smile and said, 
“Just kidding”. 
Biggie nodded at the shark, 
who plopped back into the water; 
and this time, 
I’m pretty sure he really swam away. 
But just in case, 
I gave Biggie all the free toys he wanted; 
and let him win every game we played. 
Including Scrabble. 
Even though QEZPNIK’s not a real word.

As to be expected, 
the campground owner made me pay 
for the smashed canoe 
and the severely soiled life vest. 
We agreed to go halfsies on the price, 
since I convinced Bigfoot to give him an autograph. 

Biggie agreed, 
but out of spite, 
he misspelled his name. 

And that was me canoeing with sharks. 
Whether that really happened; 
or that was just an elaborate allegorical metaphor 
for dealing with the politics of life, 
I can honestly say: 
“I’ll never wear a life jacket again.”***** 

All the Best,
* The big hairy creature from the Star Wars movies.

** See my previous posts: 
Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks
and
Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks 2: 
The Uncivil Civil War

*** See my previous post: 
How We Spend Our Last Day on Earth Says A Lot 
About Who We Are ...

**** See my previous posts:

***** Another line from my favorite movie: Jaws. 
(My favorite movie until my screenplays get made!) 



How Jaws Should Have Ended

Uploaded on Jun 24, 2011 by

 Dean Burkey:
Being eaten by a shark’s only funny; 
if you or the shark 
wears Groucho Marx glasses.

 Author Unknown:
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!

 From Channel Surfing:
“Uh-huh.”  
Not realizing one shouldn’t interrupt when someone’s watching a scary shark movie, Cindy continued, “And remember we have dinner with my parents tonight at Daddy’s club.”  
“Uh-huh.”  
Doubting Brad’s attentiveness, she said, “I’m pregnant with octuplets.”  
More horrified by what he heard than by anything in a movie about mutated CGI monster sharks, Brad bolted upright.  “Dinner with your parents?!”  
Cindy plopped next to Brad and stroked his hair.  He sighed.  
“I’m sorry, baby.  I know how dull those dinners can be.”  
Little did she know that past performance is not indicative of future results. …  

Author Unknown:
Who is the shark community's 
favorite 1950s film actress?
Dorsal Day

Dean Burkey:
The first time you sleep in a waterbed, 
you will dream you are on the Titanic.  
After the iceberg incident, 
you will dream you are in the movie JAWS.  
And when JAWS swims at you, 
any bed becomes a waterbed.


Funny Stand Up Comedy about Shark

Uploaded on Jun 29, 2011 by
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Friday, November 2, 2012

Tinkerbell Turns to the Dark Side


With Disney buying the rights to Star Wars, 
the world can finally enjoy the heart-wrenching, 
coming-of-age, cautionary tale: 

Tinkerbell Turns to the Dark Side


Tired of granting wishes for people who need an hour and a half or more, and several annoyingly catchy songs, to learn their lessons, Tinkerbell decides to use The Force mischievously, maliciously, and malevolently. The 3 M’s. 

Pluto picked the wrong hydrant this morning, because Tinkerbell flies by and flings him into an ocean to feed the marine life. 

Imagine Jiminy Cricket’s surprise when he greets Tinkerbell with a friendly and hearty “Heigh-dee-ho Tink!” and winds up being zapped by her wand into a spider’s nest. 

Just before the spider injects Jiminy with its venom, a fisherman removes him from the web. “Whew!” says the cricket. 

Until he realizes the fisherman wants to use him as bait. 

“Yeoww!” Impaled upon a hook, poor Jiminy gets cast into the sea. 

Just when he gets acclimated to the cool water, chomp! He feeds the marine life too. 

The same marine life! Because there’s Pluto inside, wagging his tail. 

Not because he’s courageous, but because he’s simply too simple to realize the danger he’s in. 

Jiminy Cricket greets Pluto with a friendly and hearty “Heigh-dee-ho Pluto!” 

Hearing the joyful greeting, Pluto smiles and eats the impaled cricket. 

Whirrrrr! The fisherman reels in his hook, astonished to find he’s caught a yellow dog. 

After Pluto’s measured and weighed, the fisherman removes the hook and out pops Jiminy Cricket. 

In a whirl of swirling fairy dust, Tinkerbell swoops down from the clouds and waves her wand. 

Poof! The fisherman gets turned into a tap dancer. Which, due to his excessive dancing on a rickety bridge not intended to undergo such a pounding, causes the bridges to collapse, where our friend the hungry shark decides to eat and re-eat the delicious treats drowning before him. 

Meanwhile, Pinocchio who’s also turned to the dark side tells a slew of lies, but you can’t tell, because Darth Vader keeps slicing down his lengthening nose with his light saber. 

Darth’s heavy breathing gets on Pinocchio’s nerves, so he hugs Darth; and lies, lies, lies, claiming he knows the secret to comedy, that he keeps his room clean, and that he didn’t eat the last cookie, which causes his nose to skewer into Darth’s solar plexus, killing him instantly and giving him splinters. 

Tinkerbell catches Pinocchio on fire and makes S’Mores. 

And then suddenly, C3PO swats what he thinks a firefly or glowing gnat and inadvertently ends Tinkerbell’s reign of terror. 

Blessings & Joy,

P.S. Please Note: The aforementioned characters, except for the fisherman and the fire hydrant, are owned by Disney and used here as a form of comedy/parody as allowed under The Fair Use Act.

Published on May 24, 2012 by 





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