In Beggar Gone Bad,
a rich dude posing as a beggar kidnapped me!
a sudden gust yanked me to the North Pole
and thrust me down a huge, gaping hole.
and thrust me down a huge, gaping hole.
And now I’m ...
Down the Dragon’s Hole!
Top Secret NASA Satellite photo of where I fell in.
(From the only satellite that travels North/South around the Earth.)
Suddenly, after falling for miles and miles, (or it may have been for kilometers and kilometers; I don’t know if the North Pole’s on the metric system or not; anyway ...), I slammed into the side of the hole. Right into jagged rocks.
That hurt.
Almost blacked out. But at least I stopped falling. Couldn’t take much more of that nightmarish feeling.
It was weird. I hadn’t reached the bottom of the hole, but still I stopped falling.
No matter which direction I tried to climb, I kept getting pulling back to that part of the hole.
I figured I must have fallen halfway; and the center of the mega-deep hole was also the center of gravity for the Earth.
Which made me wonder what was in the other direction.
I wanted to know, to be sure. Inquiring minds and all that.
But I also wanted to get home.
Or at least back to Andre’s omelet station aboard Dex’ Boeing 727-23.
Plus, I still wasn’t sure I hadn’t just found the front door to the Devil’s house.
And I had no intention of stopping by.
Well, maybe if I had a flaming bag of poo, Id ring the Devil’s doorbell and run.
But since I didn’t, I just wanted to return to my side of the Earth.
The top side!
So I restarted my paramotor engine and took off once again. So glad Dex bought the expensive one-button start kind.
Only I didn’t know which way I was going.
The hole was dark in both directions.
Sadly, I realized too late to turn around that my heading in the warmer direction might not have been my best decision.
Like the time I wore a lime green leisure suit.
Couldn’t turn around. Couldn’t take any more time in that horrifying hole. Looked like I was about to pull the Devil’s tale after all.
Clearing the hole after a stuffy several hours, I landed in a swampy jungle (like one of those lands that time forgot kind of places) and hid my (Dex’) paramotor under giant fern leaves.
I couldn’t go airborne again, because the skies were ruled by. Gulp! Pterodactyls!
If only Travolta were here, he’d love this! (See Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks.)
I ducked underneath a giant fern leaf like a rat trying to hide from an owl. And, of course, I mean an adorable rat with a darling sense of humor.
I repented of all my sins. From overdue library books to--actually, all I could think of was overdue library books.
Oh yes; and I also repented that there wasn’t enough of me to go around for all the supermodels and starlets back home. All of whom act cool, but deep down need a super dee duper dude like me.
I thought about repenting of having a lack of humility, but then I thought: Is it really a lack of humility when I’m so incredibly awesome?
And yet, I still kept obsessing over overdue library books. Why?
Oh no! I had a book that would be overdue if I didn't get out of the Inner Earth alive in time to take it back.
I didn’t stay hidden long beneath that first fern leaf. Not when I shared that leaf with. Gulp! A baby T-Rex!
And where there’s a baby, Mommy and Daddy can’t be too far behind, so I dashed out from under that leaf.
I froze in fear as a pterodactyl screeched and flew at me. Closer. Closer.
Well, either fear, or I was too busy pondering how much late due fees would be if I never--
--The creature swooped down with its claws reaching for me.
Closer. Closer. Looked like this was it.
Until ...
At the last second, a hand yanked me out of the way, pulling me underneath a giant fern leaf not populated by dinosaurs.
I looked to see and thank whoever owned that hand that saved me.
“You?! No way! You’re dead! Aren’t you? Um. Am I?”
I tried to gulp again. But my throat felt too dry at this point.
Apparently, Inside the Hollow Earth isn’t an atmosphere conducive to gulping.
TO BE CONTINUED* …
(I hope I can get another carrier condor to take my message to an Eskimo, to post that future blog, like I hope he did with this one. But even for a carrier condor, it’s so hard to find an igloo with a decent Internet connection!)
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