Monday, October 28, 2013

Trick AND Treat

This is a true treat:

Jerry Seinfeld - Halloween

Uploaded on Oct 31, 2008 by

Trick AND Treat

What must it always be: 
Trick OR Treat. 
Why not both? 

 And who says the trick has to be bad? 
Why not something cool 
like David Copperfield making the Senate disappear? 

 Or making Claudia Schiffer reappear! 

 Have a safe and Happy Halloween! 

 And remember, 
it’s all about the kids. 
And how much candy when can get out of them! 

Click Here to Shop at Amazon!

 Warning: Some may find some of the language in this video offensive: 

PEOPLE GETTING SCARED!!!.

Uploaded on Jan 21, 2012 by

 Chris Rock: 
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. 
C.B. is such a loser. 
He wasn’t even the star of his own Halloween special.

 Author Unknown: 
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have any guts! 

 Dean Burkey: 
When ghosts go to bed, 
do they keep themselves warm 
with Halloween costumes? 

 Author Unknown: 
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body!

 Mitch Hedberg: 
One time I stayed at a haunted motel. 
When I checked into my room, 
there was a sheet on the floor; 
and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, 
so I kicked it.

Break's Top 10 : Scares

Uploaded on Oct 5, 2011 by

EvilTwinStore



WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! 
The following video drops F-bombs, S-Bombs, and more galore,
but I still thinks it’s incredibly funny.
If you find this offensive, this is my trick.
If you find this as funny as I do, this is my treat.
And, in keeping with today’s post, it may be both!

David Blaine Magic parody 1 pswatchit fail funny viral videos

Published on Aug 29, 2013 by
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Thursday, October 24, 2013

Bonus Post: Get Monster Laughs FREE Oct. 24-28, 2013


Monster Laughs [Kindle Edition]

Dean Burkey (Author)
Don't have a Kindle?
Get your Kindle here.

“Monster Laughs”


From the Secret Files of the Mystery Hunter

If you’re like me, you love to laugh; and have fun! Congratulations! Now you can do both, with funny fun fiction from the author of "Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures", "How to Write Comedy Jokes", "Seasons Without Reason", "Exit Strategies", "Channel Surfing", and more: Comedian Dean Burkey.

Fear not, laugh a lot, as Paranormal Investigator Eddie Hunter, a.k.a. the Mystery Hunter, matches wits with Count Dracula, the Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, and many other madcap menaces, classic and new, from around the world and beyond.

“Monster Laughs” spoofs monsters and more. In an Odyssey of Oddities, Eddie Hunter tackles the Invisible Man, Space Aliens, and other infamous frights. Further scary topics include romantic misunderstandings, macho insecurities, and diminishing dignity.

No matter how dangerous the situation, the Mystery Hunter keeps his sense of humor, somehow survives, and finds time to enjoy waffles, pie, and bowling. Only he could save the world with bubble gum and burritos.

The beauty of this book, besides being comical, is that each chapter presents its own adventure, while a story weaves throughout.

Busy? Overworked? Stressing out? By this book, you can escape on a monstrously funny mind-trip.

"In my line of work, nothing’s more embarrassing than when the monster laughs."
-- Edward T. Hunter, Paranormal Investigator.

Table of Contents


"Count Dracula Sinks His Teeth into the Big Apple"
To stop the villainous vampire, the Mystery Hunter puts his neck on the line!

"The Howling Werewolf’s Hairy End"
Bring Your Pet to Work Day has never been so deadly! Or so itchy.

"Frankenstein’s Monster Bolts Loose"
Big and green, mighty and mean, the most menacing monster the Hunter’s ever seen. (So far.)

"Doctor Jekyll and Ms. Hyde"
Double the pleasure; double the danger! And with the Hunter involved, double the laughs and mishaps!! And double the indignities and insecurities!!!

"Unraveling the Mystery of the Mummy"
The Mystery Hunter faces more horrors than he’s ever imagined. Is the Mummy out for revenge? Or just running a pyramid scheme?

"Skinny Dipping with the Creature from the Blue Lagoon"
Cannibals, pirates, and sharks, oh my! Also, lost treasure, a whale, a gorilla, a navy seal, and a couple grabby blue crabs. And let’s not forget the web-footed horror of the amphibious Creature! Does the Creature want to kill the Hunter? Or are his desires a fate worse than death? What else would you expect during mating season at the Blue Lagoon?

"The Swinging Tale of the Blue Moon Monkey Man"
The Mystery Hunter encounters a new menace. Before he gets himself killed over a blue banana, the Hunter better solve this case and split!

"Illegal Aliens from Outer Space"
(This Is My Favorite Chapter!)
Worlds turn against the Mystery Hunter, including his own! The galaxy cries out: “Bring me the Hunter!”

"Being Seen with the Invisible Man (Or Not!)"
Although he prides himself on always being prepared, the Mystery Hunter never saw this one coming!

"Challenging the Unchallengeable Charlie Change-O"
The Final Chapter!
Home from a whirlwind, worldwide tour of mystery-hunting, Eddie faces his fiercest foe and solves a mystery he wishes he’d never solved.

"Return of the Blue Moon Monkey Man (And Another Crazy)"
The Final, Final Chapter!
A fiendish foe returns. So does another crazy. And the Hunter makes a monstrously horrifying realization about himself.

Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside!

Inspired lunacy! Zany, quirky, funny, fun. For teens and adults.

Howlie Mandel [The Werewolf] prepared to pounce on me, but then he sniffed a whiff of Penelope’s perfume and barked with bliss. I wondered, deal or no deal.

 “The price is wrong, Mister Barker.” Aiming my weapon at Fuzzy Wuzzy, I called out to my alluring assistant, “Run, Penelope! Run!”

 Slipping on a soiled newspaper, Penelope collapsed to the red carpet. Like I said, lycanthropes aren’t known for being housebroken. Which seems odd, since most of them come from broken homes.

 Salivating like a ravenous shark at a scuba diver’s convention, the Canine Catastrophe bounded across the room to Penelope.

 Aimed and fired my stinky gun, but I hit an electrical panel. After an explosion of sparks, the lights went out.
...

 As Frank’s Fiend [Frankenstein’s Monster] lunged forward, I froze. Semi-froze. I chomped my third bite of pie. If you’ve gotta go, why not go with a smile? Bye-bye smile. Horrified, I gasped when he swung his right hand and flung my pie. My delicious key lime smashed into a wall a block away, held for four seconds, and fell onto the head of a crooked politician in an Armani silk suit. The Incredible Sulk destroyed my pie. The monster!

 With my finger twitching on the trigger, I thawed out and shoved the barrel of my marble-handled, custom-made, sure-shot, seven, count-‘em, seven-shooter into his mouth. I already reloaded my trusty gun with lead bullets, so not only would I conserve silver, I’d give him lead poisoning. The fatal kind. “What do you say for yourself now? Pie-Flinger!”

 “Yummy.” Biting down, the Bolt-Meister bent the end of my marble-handled, custom-made, sure-shot, seven, count-‘em, seven-shooter. Since I could no longer fire, I refroze quicker than leftovers of Tofurky soufflé.
...

 The Mad Grabber [Doctor Jekyll] madly grabbed a double dose of his eerie serum and brandished a hypodermic needle at me. “I’ll show you what horror means!”

 “No need to. I have a dictionary.” With my kitty-like reflexes, I dodged his first swing. “Or I can Google it online.” I sidestepped his second strike too. “Or Wiki will give me -- Ow!” But not the third. Pain shot through my arm. I wobbled. “Was that needle clean?”

 “The needle’s clean; the serum’s not.” The Injection-Meister cackled maddeningly. Not like a villain in a B-movie. He just chortled an annoying laugh that made me mad. 
...

 Maybe Serena was right. Maybe I am “a freaky little fool in an over-sized coat full of goofy gadgets who can’t solve the mystery of himself, much less anything else”. Should I take such cruel words spoken in anger to heart? But why was she mad? Where did I go wrong with her? My monstrous charisma and hunter’s mystique always made her feel so secure. Whenever she saw me, she shouted, “Security! Security!!”
...
Although not wanting to die, I felt relieved Captain Gills [The Creature from the Blue Lagoon] only wanted to kill me.

But just when I thought it was safe to be murdered by a homicidal maniac, ...
To see more, 
Click to LOOK INSIDE!



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Monday, October 21, 2013

Movie Review: Laughology

Published on Mar 16, 2012 by

Movie Review: 
Laughology

I was surprised how sad 
this documentary about laughter seemed. 
Oftentimes making me want to cry, 
rather than laugh. 

 The writer, director, and narrator 
Albert Nerenberg lost his ability to laugh. 

 But then he and his wife feel startled 
to hear their baby daughter laugh. 
She didn’t learn such behavior from either of them, 
because they both suffered tragedy 
and allowed such sorrowful events 
to steal their ability to laugh. 

 This engaging documentary, 
which studies what makes us laugh, 
traces Nerenberg’s efforts to get his laugh back! 

 He studies laughter yoga, 
visits the man with the world’s most contagious laugh, 
holy laughter, 
and much more. 

 The bittersweet journey resounds with laughter. 
Intriguing and educational film. 

 Especially for me, 
because of my interest in what makes people laugh! 

 Ultimately, this is a film of triumph, 
as he sees others who face harrowing circumstances 
revive themselves with the power of laughter! 

 So I found it worthwhile to watch. 
I hope you enjoy it too. 

 The DVD received only 4 reviews on Amazon, 
but all 4 were 5-Star Reviews! 
So clearly others enjoyed this as well. 
P.S. If you want ways to make people laugh, 
please read Jerry Corley’s 
insightful and educational book: 

Click Here to Shop at Amazon!


Jerry Seinfeld on How to Write a Joke

Published on Dec 20, 2012 by

 Steve Martin: 
You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, 
“Steve, how can you be so %@&#ing funny?” 
There’s a secret to it, it’s no big deal. 
Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. 
So when I'm on stage, I feel funny. 

 Brian Regan: 
I learned something in the juice isle, and that is, 
I don’t know what’s going on with cranberries, 
but they’re getting in all the other juices. 
Whoever the salesman for cranberries does a great job. 
He’s showing up everywhere. 
“Hey what do you got? Apples? 
Well let’s put some cranberries in them; 
we’ll call it cran-apple - go fifty fifty. 
What do you got? Grapes? What about cran-grape? 
What do you got? Mangos? Cran-mango! 
What do you got? Pork chops? Cran-chops!” 

 Dean Burkey: 
My mouth was dry, 
but I needed to lick some stickers 
to affix them in my niece’s storybook. 
So I committed a series of heinous crimes. 
And then when I got captured and brought to justice, 
I collected the saliva of the victims’ families 
and other protesters who spat at me on my way to trial. 
In retrospect, 
I suppose daubing tap water would’ve been easier. 

 Mitch Hedberg: 
I miss the $2 bill, ‘cause I can break a two. 
$20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? 
Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

 Woody Allen: 
I was thrown out of NYU. 
On my metaphysics final, they caught me cheating. 
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Jerry Seinfeld On The Letterman Show 2010

Uploaded on Jan 25, 2011 by

HOWARD STERN: Jerry Seinfeld talks about 

success, sitcoms & constantly writing jokes

Published on Jun 26, 2013 by
 HOWARDTV

EvilTwinStore




JERRY SEINFELD - I'M TELLING YOU FOR THE LAST TIME (1998)

Uploaded on Oct 30, 2011 by
Uploaded on Oct 30, 2011
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Monday, October 14, 2013

Amazing Ways to Save at Amazon


All Deals

 Amazon Coupons

 Check Out This
Grocery Coupon Guide

 Search for Brand Name Coupons

 Subscribe & Save

 Outlet

 Deals & Bargains

 Warehouse Deals

 Digital Deals

 Free Kindle Reading Apps

 Search for FREE MP3 Downloads
(Check the Price Before Buying)

 Search for FREE Videos at Amazon Video
(Check the Price Before Buying)

 Search for FREE Items Throughout the Store
(Check the Price Before Buying)

 Super Saver Shipping

 Search for Pertinent Amazon Promo Codes

 Try Amazon Prime

 All the Best,
Dean Burkey

 P.S. Special Thanks to: 
About.com’s Frugal Living contributor Erin Huffstetler 
for providing several suggestions in her article: 
How to Save Money on Amazon

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Please Note:
In keeping with this being a Comedy Jokes Blog, 
I include the following funny videos and jokes; 
however, as far as I know, 
the comedians below have no connection 
with Amazon, except for me.
I make a small commission 
off purchases made through my links. 
On the bright side, 
using my links won’t cost you extra. 
And with today’s post, 
you now know how to save a lot more money. 
So everyone wins when you use my links!


Larry Weaver - Clean Comedian

Uploaded on Apr 12, 2010 by

Phyllis Diller: 
The reason there are no women football leagues 
is that 11 of them 
would never wear the same outfit in public.

Rod Schmidt: 
A beautiful woman moved in next door. 
So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. 
“You didn’t borrow this.” 
“I will.” 

Dean Burkey: 
Did you hear about 
the easily-frightened, rich, snow skier? 
He was afraid of his own chateau. 

Jerry Seinfeld: 
Remember those last few Halloweens, 
getting a little too old for it. 
Just kind of going through the motions. 
Bing-bong! 
“Come on lady, let’s go. 
Halloween, doorbells, candy, 
let’s pick up the pace in there.”

Steven Wright: 
The Stones, I love the Stones. 
I watch them whenever I can. 
Fred, Barney, ...

Bill Cosby - Himself

Published on Sep 24, 2012 by

EvilTwinStore

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Monday, October 7, 2013

ISO: A Hot Girl Named Tonto!


ISO: 
A Hot Girl Named Tonto!

I know that in a previous blog, 
I realized that there is no perfect woman. 
(See my previous post: 
“My Epic 6-Part ‘Inside-Out’ Adventure!” 
Part 5: “The Perfect Ploy to Take Over the World”.) 

 If only that Ghiradelli girl knew how to juggle ukuleles! 
(See “Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures”. 
For a much better value, see “The Dean Burkey Bundle”.) 

 And then later, 
but in a post still previous to this one, 
I discovered the highly talented 
and totally adorable Melissa Villaseñor. 
(See my previous post: “The Perfect Woman?”.) 

 But now I realize what I really need is: 
A Hot Girl Named Tonto. 

 I sleep in a room on the east side of the house, 
so the sun barges through the blinds 
anytime it wants too! 

 Okay, during the day, 
but especially in the mornings. 

 Plus, that same room’s on the street side, 
so the street light shines in too! 
So sometimes, I wear a sleep mask. 
Which reminds me of the Lone Ranger’s mask. 

 So that’s why marrying a woman named Tonto 
would be so beneficial. 
Every night, 
we could ride off into the sunset, 
metaphorically speaking. 
(Especially since the sun sets 
on the other side of the house.) 

 I know looks don’t form the foundation 
for a lasting relationship, 
but she’d still have to be a hot girl. 

 Because I don’t want to adjust 
the temperature on the thermostat. 

 And a cold girl won’t let me blast the air!

 If finding such a fantastic female named Tonto fails, 
I can always marry a gal named Robin 
and sew pointy ears onto the sides of my sleep mask, 
so I can be Batman. 
Which, when you think about it, makes more sense. 

 But although I’d love to fend off super villains 
in Gotham City, 
such a ploy might not work for me, 
because technically, 
Batman doesn’t sleep at night. 

 Not that we’d sleep the whole time anyway, 
but still. 

 And then, 
in the morning, 
as my wife and I awaken to face a new day, 
I can say, “Let’s go Robin!” 

 So then, 
any hot girls named Tonto or Robin, 
please contact me right away! 

 Or any hot girls named 
Ms. McPhee, Colbie, Carley Rae, … 

Eating Healthy - Larry Weaver (Clean Comedy)

Uploaded on May 21, 2010 by

 George Carlin: 
Never raise your hands to your kids. 
It leaves your groin unprotected.

 Jerry Seinfeld:
Men want the same thing from their underwear 
that they want from women: 
A little bit of support; 
and a little bit of freedom. 

 Dean Burkey: 
Booze: 
Don’t over think it; 
don’t over drink it.   

 Mitch Hedberg: 
That would be cool if the earth’s crust 
was made out of graham cracker. 
It would disappear just like the ozone layer, 
but for completely different reasons. 

 Steven Wright: 
Experience is something you don’t get 
until just after you need it.

Hilarious Clean Comedian Jeff Allen on Obsessed Joggers

Published on Jun 19, 2012 by

EvilTwinStore



Sharknado
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