The Swiss are known for being neutral. For avoiding conflicts and staying out of wars. So what lessons can we learn from them?
Lesson One: Have women dress like that. Who would go to war with ladies this lovely waiting at home?
Lesson Two: Make chocolate; not war. Swiss chocolate grosses over a billion dollars a year. I don’t think that’s gross at all. But no wonder the Swiss are so neutral. Why wage war when you have chocolate?
On average, each Swiss person eats 25.6 pounds of chocolate a year. If you ate that much chocolate you wouldn’t want to fight either. You wouldn’t even want to get out of bed! Especially if your wife wore one of those Swiss Miss Wench outfits and/or brewed beer.
Otherwise, the way to win a war is to make all the weapons out of chocolate. Within minutes, no one would have a way to fight.
Lesson Three: Make your gadgets multi-task. Don’t just make a pocketknife; make a pocketknife with a bottle opener, nail-clippers, and a corkscrew. Maybe they don’t fight, because their knives are too confusing. I meant to stab you, but instead, let me trim your nails and open a bottle of Chianti for you.
On average, each Swiss person eats 25.6 pounds of chocolate a year. If you ate that much chocolate you wouldn’t want to fight either. You wouldn’t even want to get out of bed! Especially if your wife wore one of those Swiss Miss Wench outfits and/or brewed beer.
Otherwise, the way to win a war is to make all the weapons out of chocolate. Within minutes, no one would have a way to fight.
Lesson Three: Make your gadgets multi-task. Don’t just make a pocketknife; make a pocketknife with a bottle opener, nail-clippers, and a corkscrew. Maybe they don’t fight, because their knives are too confusing. I meant to stab you, but instead, let me trim your nails and open a bottle of Chianti for you.
Lesson Four: When all else fails, put holes in your cheese; and yodel. Yodel like the wind!
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Seinfeld | Stand-Up Compilation
Published on May 24, 2013 by
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The Believe Me Movie Trailer
Jerry Seinfeld:
The Swiss have an interesting army.
Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive.
Also pretty lucky for them.
Ever see that little Swiss Army knife
they have to fight with?
Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews.
Bottle openers.
"Come on, buddy, let’s go.
You get past me,
the guy in back of me,
he’s got a spoon.
Back off.
I’ve got the toe clippers right here."
Author Unkown:
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop
where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response,
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second
and says, "Y'know,
maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other,
"That bloke knew four languages;
and it didn't do him any good."
Full Throttle Fat Loss
Author Unkown:
From: http://www.englishforum.ch/jokes-funnies/158269-share-jokes-about-switzerland-swiss.html
An American walks into a Swiss bank
with a giant, heavy sack in each of his hands.
He goes to the teller,
brings his face close to the glass and whispers,
"I have two million dollars with me.
I urgently need to open a secret Swiss bank account!"
The Swiss bank teller replies in a normal volume,
"Sir, there's no need to whisper.
Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
Dean Burkey:
The rigid rules of chocolate clearly state that
even if you have Swiss chocolatiers
using Swiss equipment and Swiss ingredients,
Swiss chocolate isn’t Swiss chocolate,
unless it’s made in Switzerland.
Would it work if we make it
on a mound of Swiss dirt?
I mean,
while yodeling and eating holy cheese.
Maybe if we yodel the Swiss national anthem
and use a Swiss army knife
to cut the cheese.
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Author Unkown:
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
We may be $#%& at war,
but at least our soldiers have well manicured nails,
are always able to open bottles,
and are capable of performing minor household repairs.
Author Unknown:
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
Just back off a holiday to Switzerland.
I felt sorry for their police officers,
because they have such a tough job.
Seeing one of them up to his neck in snow,
I said,
"Wow, you're having a rough day."
The Swiss policemen sighed and replied,
"Yeah, it's even rougher on my horse."
Full Throttle Fat Loss
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
A Swiss guy, looking for directions,
pulls up at a bus stop
where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response,
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second
and says, "Y'know,
maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other,
"That bloke knew four languages;
and it didn't do him any good."
Full Throttle Fat Loss
Author Unkown:
From: http://www.englishforum.ch/jokes-funnies/158269-share-jokes-about-switzerland-swiss.html
An American walks into a Swiss bank
with a giant, heavy sack in each of his hands.
He goes to the teller,
brings his face close to the glass and whispers,
"I have two million dollars with me.
I urgently need to open a secret Swiss bank account!"
The Swiss bank teller replies in a normal volume,
"Sir, there's no need to whisper.
Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of in Switzerland."
Dean Burkey:
The rigid rules of chocolate clearly state that
even if you have Swiss chocolatiers
using Swiss equipment and Swiss ingredients,
Swiss chocolate isn’t Swiss chocolate,
unless it’s made in Switzerland.
Would it work if we make it
on a mound of Swiss dirt?
I mean,
while yodeling and eating holy cheese.
Maybe if we yodel the Swiss national anthem
and use a Swiss army knife
to cut the cheese.
Shop Amazon
Contract Cell Phones & Service Plans
Author Unkown:
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
We may be $#%& at war,
but at least our soldiers have well manicured nails,
are always able to open bottles,
and are capable of performing minor household repairs.
Author Unknown:
Courtesy of Sickipedia.org:
Just back off a holiday to Switzerland.
I felt sorry for their police officers,
because they have such a tough job.
Seeing one of them up to his neck in snow,
I said,
"Wow, you're having a rough day."
The Swiss policemen sighed and replied,
"Yeah, it's even rougher on my horse."
Full Throttle Fat Loss
Stewart Francis One Liner Jokes
(Standup Comedy)
Uploaded on Jan 4, 2011 by
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