One of the best parts
about being an intergalactic, time-traveling superhero
is not having to wear a mask, a cape, or Spandex.
No one knows me
in other galaxies or alternate dimensions.
So I don’t have to wear the Spandex,
but it does add to the fun.
I got those cool just-below-the-knee boots.
And, of course, a functional, yet fashionable, utility belt.
I also got Dean Man emblazoned across my chest.
And on the back of my cape.
Okay, I don’t have to wear the cape,
but that’s part of the fun too.
Until it gets caught in a door.
But I just let it tear off and keep on walking.
There’s always at least one space alien,
who, even though he can communicate telepathically,
always shouts, “Dean Man, your cape!”
So I roll my eyes,
blast him to smithereens on a sub-molecular level
with a photon laser, and say,
“Oops! How did that get turned on?”
Usually the other space aliens are so forgiving too.
‘Cause no matter which galaxy or dimension you’re in,
nobody likes the being
that yells out stupid, embarrassing stuff.
Which is why I can never take my photon laser
to a honky tonk bar.
The temptation to blast loud-talkers
would be too great to resist!
is not having to wear a mask, a cape, or Spandex.
No one knows me
in other galaxies or alternate dimensions.
So I don’t have to wear the Spandex,
but it does add to the fun.
I got those cool just-below-the-knee boots.
And, of course, a functional, yet fashionable, utility belt.
I also got Dean Man emblazoned across my chest.
And on the back of my cape.
Okay, I don’t have to wear the cape,
but that’s part of the fun too.
Until it gets caught in a door.
But I just let it tear off and keep on walking.
There’s always at least one space alien,
who, even though he can communicate telepathically,
always shouts, “Dean Man, your cape!”
So I roll my eyes,
blast him to smithereens on a sub-molecular level
with a photon laser, and say,
“Oops! How did that get turned on?”
Usually the other space aliens are so forgiving too.
‘Cause no matter which galaxy or dimension you’re in,
nobody likes the being
that yells out stupid, embarrassing stuff.
Which is why I can never take my photon laser
to a honky tonk bar.
The temptation to blast loud-talkers
would be too great to resist!
A Psycho commercial for cereal!
Rita Rudner:
Waiters and waitresses
are becoming nicer and much more caring.
I used to pay my check, they’d say, “Thank you.”
That graduated into “Have a nice day.”
That’s now escalated into
“You take care of yourself, now.”
The other day I paid my check;
and the waiter said, “Don’t put off that mammogram.”
Phyllis Diller:
I once wore a peek-a-boo blouse.
People would peek and then they’d boo.
Dean Burkey:
The water park calls their Super Slide “The Kamikaze”,
but we call it “The Wedgie-Maker”.
Mitch Hedberg:
This one commercial said,
“Forget everything you know about slipcovers.”
So I did; and it was a load off of my mind.
Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers,
but I didn’t know what they were!
Steven Wright:
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
Waiters and waitresses
are becoming nicer and much more caring.
I used to pay my check, they’d say, “Thank you.”
That graduated into “Have a nice day.”
That’s now escalated into
“You take care of yourself, now.”
The other day I paid my check;
and the waiter said, “Don’t put off that mammogram.”
Phyllis Diller:
I once wore a peek-a-boo blouse.
People would peek and then they’d boo.
Dean Burkey:
The water park calls their Super Slide “The Kamikaze”,
but we call it “The Wedgie-Maker”.
Mitch Hedberg:
This one commercial said,
“Forget everything you know about slipcovers.”
So I did; and it was a load off of my mind.
Then the commercial tried to sell slipcovers,
but I didn’t know what they were!
Steven Wright:
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
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