Book Description
My Favorite Sampler
When you read this book, you'll enjoy my favorite selections from six of my books. I'll even let you in on a few secrets and tell you why I picked these selections to be my favorites.
My Favorite Chapter from “Monster Laughs”:
The Space Alien Chapter
My Favorite Story from “Seasons Without Reason”:
“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”
My Favorite Chapter from “Exit Strategies”:
“Uh-they Ord-way Ake-fay”
My Favorite Chapter from “Channel Surfing”:
“Now’s My Chance To Be The Hero!”
My Favorite Section from “How to Write All Kinds of Comedy Jokes Volume 1: How to Write Comedy Jokes”
My Favorite Adventure from “Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures”:
My Epic “Inside-Out” Adventure!
What a Deal!
One of the best deals a dollar can buy, this book presents my favorites for less than a buck!
Enjoy!
All the Best,
Dean Burkey
Product Details
- File Size: 234 KB
- Print Length: 76 pages
- Publisher: http://heaven-bent.com (June 7, 2013)
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
- Language: English
- ASIN: B00D9W8LQ6
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- X-Ray: Not Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
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Check Out These Samples from
Having encountered space aliens before, I can spot ‘em a mile away. Sometimes light years! Glowing in the dark and shooting lasers from their eyes are pretty big clues. My gut reaction to UFO reports? They’re hoaxes. In this case, an elaborate, global-wide hoax, but still a hoax. The problem with conducting effective research into UFO activity? Most reports are completely errant. But that doesn’t preclude the few that are only mostly errant.
Generally speaking, people who claim to see UFOs are the same as you and me in every respect, except for an excessive hankering for chewing tobacco, Nascar, and banjo music. (Actually, General Lee speaking would be: “Howdy folks, I’m General Lee; but you can call me Robert E.”) Moonshine entrepreneur Skeeter J. McCracker declared, “UFOs is as real as wrestlin’!” Odder still, the folks who say flying saucers are real, claim NASA faked the moon landings. But why would NASA do such a thing? Well, of course, to sell tons of Tang!
“Woo-Hoo! Happy Birthday to Me!”
“Here you go, Babe. Happy birthday!” Alex handed me what appeared to be a hastily-wrapped package and a hastily-written homemade greeting card. “I saved you the hassle of having to open an envelope.”
“Alex. You’re always so thoughtful.” I read the card. “Happy Birthday, Babe! Yours, Alex.”
“So? What do you think?”
I can’t tell someone I love the detrimental truth, so I lied, hoping he’d catch my tone. “You’ve touched me to my core. I’m speechless.”
“All right!” He pumped his right fist victoriously. He didn’t catch my tone. Men! “You want your present now? Or after dinner?”
“Dinner? We’re going to dinner?” Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
“Yeah. Your birthday dinner. Pudding? Did you forget today’s your birthday?”
“Where are we going?”
“That’s the surprise. And since this is your birthday, you can keep griping if you want.”
“Thanks?”
“You’re welcome,” Alex bellowed enthusiastically. He still didn’t catch my tone. Oo!
“Uh-they Ord-way Ake-fay”
Jack fidgeted and eyed the door, slowly stepping that way. “Me? I wanted to spare your feelings.”
“How did you spare my feelings? All this time, I’ve been grieving and blaming God.”
“You shouldn’t blame God, when the culprit’s someone else.”
Patty clenched her fists.
Jack raised his open hands in surrender. “So sure, maybe I was trying to spare my feelings. I know how painful it can be to get rejected, so I didn’t want to be the one to do that to another person, especially you Patty.”
Patty cocked her right fist.
Jack covered his face. “I faked my death because I love you!”
Seeing her unclench her fist and lower her hands, Jack lowered his hands.
“You love me? That doesn’t make any sense.” She re-cocked her right fist.
Jack covered his face again and blurted, “I felt inadequate.”
Patty unclenched her fist and lowered her hands again. “That makes sense.”
“Now’s My Chance To Be The Hero!”
Two muscular male nurses Chip and Mark bounded toward Brad.
Chip clenched his fists. Rehabilitated out of a bike gang, he missed the adrenaline rush of a testosterone-fueled, hand-to-hand altercation. “We’re trying to save this man’s life.”
“So am I.” Brad grabbed the gurney.
As Chip and Mark huddled around him, Brad’s eyes rolled back. “Back off punks! Ya’ don’t scare me!”
As Chip and Mark lunged forward, Brad yelped and ducked under the gurney.
Dr. Monroe, Chip, Mark, and the rest of the medical team rolled their eyes. What a goober. Macho moron afraid of his own shadow.
While the others considered him an easily frightened coward, Brad unlocked the wheels.
As Chip and Mark reached under the gurney to nab him, Brad darted out the other side, wielding a scalpel and a hypodermic needle. “Say, look what I found.”
While the other medical personnel gasped and backed away, Chip stepped forward with clenched, pulsating fists.
Brad brandished the scalpel and hypodermic needle. “Split or be split!”
The others nodded as they continued to devour their saber-toothed tiger steaks. The true caveman diet!
Ogg replied, “To get to the other side.”
Zorak, the alpha male leader of the group, sneered and said, “There is no other side of the sky.” He then clubbed Ogg, which garnered several hearty guffaws.
But alas, thereafter, that joke remained lost for many, many millennia.
My Epic “Inside-Out” Adventure!
Screech! A pterodactyl swooped down to devour us, so I stepped in front of Lady Simone to protect her and threw the tracker into that rascally reptile’s mouth.
Which would have worked out well, except that flying lizard kept circling us, summoning Zandor and his mindless minions our way.
Elvis climbed a nearby tree, jumped onto the winged creature’s back, and called out to me: “I knew you were a hound dog!” He howled with glee and flew away.
A fleet of Zandor’s mindless minions followed him in full force.
After they disappeared over the mountains, I heard lots of explosions. So I may’ve accidentally caused the death of Elvis. But he died a hero. He died a king.
I felt paralyzed by the thought. Elvis is dead?! And I mean, really, really dead. Not like before. Not like he faked it in our world. What a kick in the gut! When people ask me where I was when Elvis died, I can say, “I was inside the Inner Earth; and I caused his death.”
I didn’t think I could feel any worse, but then I realized that, with Elvis out of the way, no one could stop Zandor and his mindless minions from annihilating the northern tribe. And eventually, everyone else on the top side of this planet I so love and adore.
