Showing posts with label Richard Pryor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Richard Pryor. Show all posts

Friday, August 29, 2014

RAOR: Katy Perry's Hit Song ROAR Backwards


RAOR: 
Katy Perry's Hit Song 
ROAR Backwards

Here's The Song Forwards


Katy Perry - Roar (Official)

Published on Sep 5, 2013 by

Other than the lyrics snatching key lines 
from Survivor and Muhammed Ali
and the lack of a much needed
"Don't Try This At Home" notice, 

when she comes face to face 
with wild animals, 
especially the crocodile and tiger; 
I find the song empowering. 

Kind of a Shanna of the Jungle version 
of the Gloria Gaynor hit I Will Survive.



Fun song. 
Fun video. 
Clever. 
Upbeat. 
With snippets of humor here and there. 

Here's The Song Backwards


Katy Perry - Roar (Official Video) [Reversed]

Published on Sep 7, 2013 by

I don't know about you, 
but the first thing I noticed 
was that all the words were backwards. 

That means that the tattoo on her right arm 
which means: "Go With The Flow" 
now means: "Flow With The Go" 
Or: "Wolf With The Go" 
Or technically speaking: "wolF ehT htiW oG"

I had so much with my Carly Rae backwards post 
a couple years ago, 
so I tried to relive the fun six weeks ago 
with Ylvis backwards. 



With those songs; 
and this one, 
I didn't watch videos where they told me 
what was being said. 
Instead I listened for myself. 

Unfortunately, 
all I could hear was:
"Glory makes an Igo net.


Sounds innocent enough. 
But must be pretty important though, 
since that's the main line of the song. 

I wanted to remain as rational as possible, 
and certainly not jump to any crazy conclusions, 
so after a moment's thought, 
I immediately deduced 
that an Igo net is what demons use 
to steal the souls of unsuspecting villagers 
during the Dark Ages. 

In the demons' defense, 
it was dark, 
so maybe they weren't try to steal anyone's soul. 
They were just trick-or-treating; 
and, as usual, things just got out of hand. 

Putting two and two together, 
we can easily assume that if she's singing 
about demonic possession backwards, 
then forwards, 
the song must be about knitting a sweater. 

Ergo, 
the phrase could actually be: 
"Glory makes me wanna knit.



That actually makes sense, 
since the song came out a bit before fall last year. 
When everyone would need to knit sweaters. 

But, 
despite all my deductive reason 
and perverse logic. 
Ahem, 
I mean, pervasive logic. 

Turns out that Gloria Kampenski 
help Katy hook up a charger to her GPS

And so, 
as it turns out, 
with Igo being a brand of charger, 
as well as a type of computer network, 
I was absolutely right the first time. 

"Glory makes an Igo net."

Well, 
absolutely right, 
minus the demon possession allegations. 

And maybe the part about 
my using reasoning and logic. 

Like any guy, 
gazing into Katy Perry's 
captivating and hypnotic blue  eyes, 
could ever use reasoning and logic. 

(That was supposed to be a compliment.)

(And this was supposed to be fun.)

(Thank you Katy for having a sense of humor.)

(And thank you Gloria Kampenski, 
whose name I can't forget. 
Now I know whom to call 
when I need an Igo net.)

For More Backwards Music Fun, 
Check Out My Previous Posts: 
This Is Crazy! A Call Me Maybe Exposé
and
YAS XOF EHT SEOD TAHW: 
What Does The Fox Say? Backwards!

All The Best,

Jungle George: The Biggest Swing in Jungle History

Published on Mar 31, 2013 by


Roar Black Tshirts
Look at more Roar T-Shirts at zazzle

Brian Regan
You see weird things driving. 
I’ve never understood log trucks. 
Sometimes you’ll be out on the highway, 
you see two big giant trucks loaded up with logs; 
and they pass each other on the highway. 
I don’t understand that. 
I mean, if they need logs over there; 
and they need ‘em over there; 
you'd think a phone call 
would save ‘em a whole lot of trouble.

Steve Connelly: 
Trees that grow in smoggy cities 
are needed to make carbon paper.



Dean Burkey:
Oh, you wanted to watch Water for Elephants
I must’ve misunderstood what you said. 
‘Cause I got Rivers for Rhinos instead. 
I hope that’s okay. 
If not, I also have Puddles for Pandas
Tributaries for Tigers
and Melted Ice for Marsupials
They misnamed the movie anyway; 
it should be called “Water for Elephant”. 
(‘Cause there’s only one elephant.) 



Rod Schmidt: 
I still have my Christmas Tree. 
I looked at it today. 
Sure enough, 
I couldn’t see any forests.

Steven Wright
The other day when I was walking through the woods, 
I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle 
making shadows of people on a tree.




Please Note: The following video contains language some may find offensive.

Richard Pryor - In the jungle

Uploaded on Jun 24, 2009 by

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Pretty Little Ring-Flinger


The cute cashier at the local health food store 
wore a couple cool rings. 
I asked what the coolest one was; 
and she said it was a tiger’s eye, 
but she didn’t know if was real. 


Photo Source: 
Eye of the Tiger

Hearing that, I must’ve smirked, 
because she said she meant if a tiger’s eye 
was a real type of stone; 
and if her ring was a real one of those. 

The other ring was a wraparound spoon thing, 
so I said, 
“And this other one, 
you got mad at your silverware?” 

She chuckled and said 
those were her favorite rings; 
and that she had left them at Nordstrom’s, 
but some kind person found them and called her. 

I said that was cool, 
but all the while I was thinking, 
so why was she flinging off her rings at Nordstrom’s? 
She can’t change clothes without flinging rings?
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When you fall for that special someone, this is how you propose: 

Crazy Marriage Proposal

Uploaded on Jul 11, 2011 by
(Please dont really propose like that to anyone.
Especially not to someone about whom you really care.)



Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear 
are better prepared for marriage. 
They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. 

Richard Pryor
I believe in the institution of marriage; 
and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. 



Dean Burkey
If you don’t want to play chess anymore, 
I’ll just take the pawn back to the ring shop. 

Woody Allen
I also wrote a short story about my first year of marriage, 
which Alfred Hitchcock showed interest in for a while. 

Ray Divine
Saturn has rings around it like a dirty tub. 
But you’d think the planet with the dirty rings 
would be Uranus.  



And never ever propose like this: 

Creepy-Crawly Proposal Prank

Uploaded on Apr 14, 2011 by
Break
Check out more Template Ring at Zazzle


Come Back Friday August 29, 2014 for: 
RAOR: 
Katy Perry's Hit Song ROAR Backwards

Sunday, May 18, 2014

The Columbian Oregano Express Part 2: A Walmart Wedding?


The Columbian Oregano Express
Part 2: 
A Walmart Wedding?

(Be sure to read my previous post: 
The Columbian Oregano Express)

[Having gotten high from brownies laced with pot; 
that is, with the marijuana leaves 
sewn into the brownies using noodles, 
I proposed to my ex-girlfriend 
and then blared rock oldies 
as I wrote story after story 
in my effort to write a truly cool story. 
But then two police officers pounded on my door!]

I ran out of noodles before I could finish 
lacing the brownies with hashish, 
so I still had some pot left. 

I turned down the radio 
and returned to the door to say, 
“It’s for medicinal purposes.” 

Officer Tom Kutcher asked, 
“The loud, out-dated music?” 

“No,” I said, “the Columbian, um.” 

His brow furrowed at hearing the word Columbian. 
“The Columbian um?” 

“Oregano!” 

“I love oregano,” said Officer Kutcher 
as he and his partner Ashton Cruise 
barged into my house. 

Kutcher saw the bag on the kitchen counter 
and tasted a pinch. 
“What the?!” 
Must’ve been great pot, 
because he bust out laughing. 

Not wanting to miss the fun, 
Cruise tasted a pinch or two too. 

Both of them laughed so hard, 
I almost called the cops. 
But then I remembered they were the cops. 
And if I called more cops, 
they’d taste” away all my stash 
pinch by pinch. 

“Medicinal purposes?” Kutcher chuckled 
as he and Cruise headed to the door to leave. 

“Wait!” I said. “Where are you going? 
Shouldn’t you at least give me a warning?” 

As Kutcher shook his head, 
laughter-induced tears trickled down his face. 
“Okay, here’s my warning: 
When you use oregano, 
make pizza, not brownies.” 

“Pot pizza?” 

Cruise and Kutcher bust out laughing again. 

“What?” I asked. 
“Do we not call it pot any more? 
I know we don’t call it dope.” 

“Speaking of dope,” said Officer Cruise. 
“How much did you pay for your Columbian oregano?” 

“Four hundred dollars.” 
As the police officers guffawed without abandon, 
I stomped my foot. 
“It’s an investment in my writing career!” 

“Oh, he’s a writer,” said Kutcher 
as he and Cruise stepped outside. 

Cruise nodded. 
“That explains everything.” 

Usually I love when people laugh. 
That is, when I make them laugh on purpose
Hence, this humor blog, 
all my comedy books, 
my stand-up, etc. 
But not when I feel like I’m being mocked. 
So I stepped outside too. 
“What’s wrong with writers?” 

“You can get oregano at Walmart 
for less than four bucks.” 
Still unable to control his giggles, 
Kutcher wiped his eyes. 

“But it’s not really oregano, it’s cannabis. 
Marijuana. Pot. Weed. Chronic. Blunt. Sproutsville. 
Hashish. The Munchies-Maker. The Mellow-Outer. 
Seeds of Glory. Dream-Weaver. 
Rocket Fuel for Writers. The Key to Heaven. 
Edens Apple. Hootchie-koo. Dope-a-roonie.” 

Cruise stopped laughing long enough to say, 
“Between the two of us, 
we have over two decades working 
in the narcotics division. 
We know what’s pot; and what’s not.” 

“What’s not? How can that not be pot? 
It got me high! Just look at my eyes.” 
I widened my eyes to give them a in-depth view. 

They both agreed that I need more sleep. 

“You’re just going to leave? 
So marijuana’s legalized here after all?” 
Thank you Morgan & Morgan

Kutcher shook his head. 
“Pot’s not, but that’s not pot.” 

“If that’s not pot, then what have I got?” 

Before climbing back into their squad car 
and slamming their doors, 
both Cruise and Kutcher said, “Oregano!” 

Just then, the phone rang, 
so I rushed back inside to answer. 
Well, as rushed as a guy flying high on oregano can rush.

My ex-girlfriend said she booked 
aisle seven in Walmart like we always wanted, 
so we can get married there the following Friday. 
Gulp! 

This is why you shouldn’t take illegal substances. 
If a mere spice messed me up that bad, 
imagine the damage illicit drugs could cause.

The following Friday, 
before leaving Lovey at the altar for the fifth time, 
noticed that Officer Kutcher was right: 
Walmart sells oregano for less than four bucks. 

The next day I made a pizza; 
and got engaged for the sixth time! 

Wow! 
That is some potent oregano!

Fortunately, 
just before the wedding, 
I found the phony pusher who ripped me off 
and tricked him into marrying my ex. 

Finally, 
a happy ending for all of us. 
Except the goofy goober 
who sells over-priced spices.  

Well, what do you know? 
That Columbian oregano 
gave me a cool story after all.  

All The Best,


Please Note: 
This is a work of humor/parody/fiction. The author does not condone, encourage, nor promote the taking of illegal substances. Protect your brain. So you can read and buy all my books!



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Jim Stafford - Wildwood Weed

Uploaded on Jun 10, 2010 by

Woody Allen
(From Surprise Rocks Disney Trial 
in The New Yorker December 13, 2004; 
The C stands for Counsel; 
and the W stands for Witness; 
and the Witness is Mickey Mouse!): 
C: Is it true Goofy had a drug problem?
W: He was addicted to Percodan.
C: How long had that been going on?
W: Goofy went on painkillers 
after a flop he took in a cartoon. 
He parachuted off the Empire State Building 
with an umbrella and hurt his back.

Richard Pryor
Im no addict. 
I can quit anytime I want to. 
I just dont want to

Dean Burkey
Never do drugs, 
because the first time you do, 
you will appear on “Cops”. 
It’s amazing, 
but every time they catch people with drugs on that show, 
it’s always their first time. 
That’s what they say. 
And why would anyone lie on national TV? 
Especially on a “reality” show! 
Unless, of course, 
theyre running for reelection. 

Ray Divine
And what about the poor families 
of the drug dealers? 
If Charlie’s really quit cold turkey, 
how are the suppliers and pushers suppose to survive? 
Nobody ever thinks about the drug dealer’s kids. 
They need food and video games too

Mitch Hedberg
A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, 
because he’s afflicted, but I’m not. 
So what happened to me is I suddenly had 
an extra-long attention span. 
People would tell me a story; 
and it would end; 
and I’d get all mad. 
“Come on, man, 
there has to be more to that story.” 


Mitch Hedberg on Comedy Showcase (1995)

Published on Jun 20, 2013 by

EvilTwinStore