Showing posts with label YouTube. Show all posts
Showing posts with label YouTube. Show all posts

Monday, September 23, 2013

YouTube Ads Are Driving Me Mads


Ads on YouTube can be so annoying! 

Even if you click to watch a commercial, 
they will still make you watch another one, 
before you can watch the one you want. 

Sometimes the ads are longer 
than the videos you want to watch. 

A 10-minute ad to watch a 3-minute video?
Get real YouTube!

And sure, 
they’ll give you the option to Skip the Ad. 
Sometimes. 

But if you keep skipping, 
don’t they just send you more ads? 

They’ll even interrupt a relaxation video 
to give you an ad. 

Maybe they figure you’re too mellowed out 
to hit the Skip the Ad button. 

Their favorite time to make you watch commercials 
is during self-hypnosis videos. 
You’re trying to stop smoking. 
Or lose weight. 
Or stop committing random acts of kind pyromania. 

And, as soon as you’re entranced, 
they run ads. 

Which is the real reason 
why I ordered those twelve cartons of toilet paper. 

I dont have a condition. 
Glandular or otherwise.

But I do worry about what they mean 
when they say that the toilet papers recycled
Gulp!


Fainting Goats - Very Funny

Uploaded on Dec 18, 2006 by Brett Eldridge

Bill Cosby: 
Every father says the same thing: 
“Where’s your mother?” 

Rodney Dangerfield: 
I tell ya’ when I was a kid, 
all I knew was rejection. 
My yo-yo, it never came back!

Dean Burkey: 
If you are addicted to placebos. 
Do you have a drug problem? 
Or a sweet tooth? 

Mitch Hedberg: 
Hey, someone said, 
“Hey Mitch, do you lift weights?” 
And I said, “No, but I do set weights back down. 
So if you get up there; and you need help, call me. 
I’ll take you to the next level!” 

Steven Wright: 
If at first you don’t succeed, 
destroy all evidence that you tried. 


We might not all agree with everything he says and does, 
but this is one rock-solid comedy set: 

Funniest Stand up Comedy Ever by Jim Carrey

Uploaded on Apr 30, 2009 by HomersOmar

EvilTwinStore


Friday, March 15, 2013

Apple Pie Hubbub


"Apple Pie Hubbub"*
* The title is written by Steve Martin.
But the apple jokes are written by me.
(If it makes you feel any better,
at the end, I include some Steve Martin jokes
and a funny video of him on The Tonight Show.)
by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source:
http://www.freestockphotos.biz/stockphoto/10670

An American Pie Display 

With Apples, A Flag, And Baseball Equipment

by: Scott Bauer acquired from USDA ARS (Website)

Apple pie’s delicious. 
But I still can’t help thinking: 
Sure it’s yummy and all, 
but isn’t this what got us kicked out of Paradise? 
If not for apple pie, we’d live wonderful lives 
where every days extreme casual Friday
with perfect hotties. 
Stupid yummy pie! 

Remember when a certain fast-food place 
always bragged about their hot apple pies? 
That was quite a selling point, 
until customers started getting scalded and sued. 

Here’s my ad idea 
for hot apple pie: 
“You know you’re going to burn 
your mouth on something. 
So why not make it something delicious? 
Try our new and improved, 
hotter-than-ever, hot apple pie. 
It’s like a tasty inferno in your mouth! 
Like your mouth’s being burned 
with the best flavor ever!” 
That should send sales through the roof! 

“Warmhearted on the inside, but crusty on the outside? 
You make your old man sound like an apple pie.” 
“Oh no, he’s not an American.” 

All the Best,





P.S. 
Steve Martin wrote these jokes: 

Steve Martin:
I bought some pretty good stuff. 
Got me a $300 pair of socks. 
I got a fur sink. 
Oh, let’s see, electric dog polisher. 
That was a good investment. 
Gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. 
And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff too.

Steve Martin:
I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, 
but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days. 

Steve Martin:
Boy, those French. 
They have a different word for everything.

Steve Martin:
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. 
I hate necks.

Steve Martin:
After politely asking for a blue spot, 
which he doesn’t receive, 
Steve Martin escalates in fury: 
“And I come out and I’m giving and I’m giving 
and I’m giving and I keep giving 
and I give some more; 
and I make a simple request. 
I say, hey, could I possibly have a blue spot? 
But I guess the lighting crew feels they know 
a little bit more about show business than I do, 
although I’ve been in the business a few years 
and I think I know what works best. 
I’m sorry, but I am angry. 
I come out here and I can’t get 
a little cooperation from the backstage crew? 
Well, excuuuuuuussssssse meeeeeee!!!!!” 



Steve Martin Has to Leave

Uploaded on Aug 2, 2011 by
johnnycarson

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day 12 Love Songs

Instead of posting tomorrow, 
I'm posting today, so I can say: 

Happy Valentine's Day 
12 Love Songs



Photo Source: Monster Laughs
Dean Burkey portraying Edward Thomas Hunter
Photo Taken by Daniel Terry, Founder of the ImprovAddicts

For the 12 days leading up to Valentine's Day
I thought it'd be fun to play a different love song each day. 
So I did ... on Facebook ... 

First up is one of my all-time favorite songs. 
(And not just because the video stars Jennifer Anniston.) 
"I Want to Be in Love" by the amazing Melissa Etheridge
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHBN_4PRYBo

Love song numero dos: 
Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies
I’m sure you’ll agree that The Archies 
are arguably the best cartoon band of all time. 
(No offense to Josey and the Pussycats.) 
(Or those mischievous Chipmunks.) 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9nE2spOw_o

Love song number 3: 
Take on Me” by A-Ha
Cool song; fun riff; awesome video. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914

Song number 4: 
I Think I Love You” by the Partridge Family
Arguably one of the best bogus made-for-TV bands of all time. 
Second only to the Monkees
And maybe the Bugaloos.
I used to sing this song in front of the class in third grade. 
David Cassidy’s attractive daughter Katie stars in “Arrow” on the CW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDNVb42yQh4

Number 5: 
Keep On Loving You” by REO Speedwagon
A bit sinister for a love song, lyrically anyway, 
i.e., the snake in the grass line, 
but oh, what an awesome piano riff! 
And overall, the message is lovey-dovey, 
so it still qualifies as a love song. 
I remember being amazed when I first heard it. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekhT0Myh-Zo

Song 6: 
Find a Way” by Amy Grant
A different kind of love. 
A song that’s encouraging and powerful, just like love. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qki21apxJLc

Love song 7: 
Whole Wide World” by Wreckless Eric
A different kind of love song. 
Still, it’s a awesome tribute to the love we want. 
That certain Someone Special. 
And the lengths we’ll go to find her! 
Will Ferrell sang this song in “Stranger Than Fiction”. 
(Please Note: Starts soft, then get loud!) 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUFL8WSxTgY

Love song number 8: 
Oh My Love” by John Lennon
The late, the great, John Lennon wanted to write a love song; 
and so he did! Awesome, moving song! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5Kh-IMKDqM

Number 9: 
The Power of Love” by Huey Lewis and the News
Great clips from “Back to the Future” too. 
Cool song. Cool movie Enjoy! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NMph943tsw

Song number 10: 
The Rose” by Bette Midler
Awesome lyrics, with lots of juxtapositions and contrasts, 
i.e., taken/gives, dying/lives, etc. 
Cool melody too. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAfPXKqPFbA

Love song 11: 
Sometimes When We Touch” by Dan Hill
Awesome, powerful love song! Fantastic lyrics. 
This was my choice for tomorrow, 
but I switched to something else. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IATz8ZVTALo

Here’s love song number 12: 
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Heal the World” by Michael Jackson
“Be God’s glow!” 
My favorite song. 
(Or at least, my favorite song that’s not one of mine.) 
Whether you have someone special in your life tonight or not, 
you still have Someone Special in your life. 
Could be God. Could be you. 
Could be someone you haven’t met yet. 
Have a safe and Happy Valentine’s Day
And together, let’s Heal the World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWf-eARnf6U

Blessings & Joy,




 
 


 

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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

How to Write: Engaging the Reader


How to Write:
Engaging the Reader

Photo Source: Writing by Elisa Xyz

One of the first rules of writing is to engage the reader right away. 
Soooo. ...

Um, I know this is sudden; and that you just started reading. 

But will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? 

That is, of course, if you’re a supermodel heiress to a chocolate fortune with a heart of gold, a great sense of humor, and a lovely smile. 

After you engage the reader? 

I don’t know. I never seem to get past the engaging part. 

But hopefully the writer and the reader live happily ever after.

Blessings & Joy,



Jerry Seinfeld on How to Write a Joke


Published on Dec 20, 2012 by
The comedian describes the anatomy of his Pop-Tart joke, 
still a work in progress, and shows his longhand writing process


Coming Friday:
Why Waldo Is So Hard To Find