Showing posts with label self-hypnosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-hypnosis. Show all posts

Monday, September 23, 2013

YouTube Ads Are Driving Me Mads


Ads on YouTube can be so annoying! 

Even if you click to watch a commercial, 
they will still make you watch another one, 
before you can watch the one you want. 

Sometimes the ads are longer 
than the videos you want to watch. 

A 10-minute ad to watch a 3-minute video?
Get real YouTube!

And sure, 
they’ll give you the option to Skip the Ad. 
Sometimes. 

But if you keep skipping, 
don’t they just send you more ads? 

They’ll even interrupt a relaxation video 
to give you an ad. 

Maybe they figure you’re too mellowed out 
to hit the Skip the Ad button. 

Their favorite time to make you watch commercials 
is during self-hypnosis videos. 
You’re trying to stop smoking. 
Or lose weight. 
Or stop committing random acts of kind pyromania. 

And, as soon as you’re entranced, 
they run ads. 

Which is the real reason 
why I ordered those twelve cartons of toilet paper. 

I dont have a condition. 
Glandular or otherwise.

But I do worry about what they mean 
when they say that the toilet papers recycled
Gulp!


Fainting Goats - Very Funny

Uploaded on Dec 18, 2006 by Brett Eldridge

Bill Cosby: 
Every father says the same thing: 
“Where’s your mother?” 

Rodney Dangerfield: 
I tell ya’ when I was a kid, 
all I knew was rejection. 
My yo-yo, it never came back!

Dean Burkey: 
If you are addicted to placebos. 
Do you have a drug problem? 
Or a sweet tooth? 

Mitch Hedberg: 
Hey, someone said, 
“Hey Mitch, do you lift weights?” 
And I said, “No, but I do set weights back down. 
So if you get up there; and you need help, call me. 
I’ll take you to the next level!” 

Steven Wright: 
If at first you don’t succeed, 
destroy all evidence that you tried. 


We might not all agree with everything he says and does, 
but this is one rock-solid comedy set: 

Funniest Stand up Comedy Ever by Jim Carrey

Uploaded on Apr 30, 2009 by HomersOmar

EvilTwinStore


Friday, February 1, 2013

How I Hypnotized Myself into Becoming Mega-Rich


How I Hypnotized Myself 
into Becoming Mega-Rich

by Dean Burkey

Photo Source: Pocket Watch by Lucy Toner

I don’t believe in hypnosis. And I don’t condone it. Too many ways for things to go awry. 

On the other hand, I needed a financial miracle and lighting a bush on fire didn’t help. 

Actually that caused more problems. Especially from the smoke damage. 

Plus, I’m out one once nifty bush. 

Besides, I wasnt able to decipher Warren Buffetts dream advice on how to get rich either. (See my previous post: Thank You Warren Buffett!)

So I did what anyone else in my situation would’ve done. 

I hypnotized myself. 

I borrowed a pocket watch from Old Man Caruthers down the street. 

“Borrowed.” 

Figured he wouldn’t mind. As long as his remote works, he doesn’t care about anything else. 

Crazy, avid Once-Upon-a-Time and Revenge fan. Sometimes he gets so excited screaming at the TV, his dentures plop out. 

So anyway, I swung the heisted watch back and forth while chanting “You’re hip; you grow money like the Energizer Bunny.” 

Felt kind of silly. 

At first. 

Especially with the childish rhyme. 

But I do like to rhyme. 
But just from time to time. 
Way better than being a mime. 

So anyway, I started to get into it. The rope-skipping rhyme started to sound more like rap. 

But then I slowed down as I grew tired. Ending when I fell asleep. 

But then suddenly, beginning the very next morning, my money quickly multiplied over and over until a measly $20 became a mighty 20 billion. 

Yes, 20 billion with a B. 

I dealt with eBay, Amazon book sales, Kindle, comedy, real estate, commodities, movie production, telecommunications

Created some phone apps. One for finding the closest cookies. Another for finding pies. A third to help you find your Soul Mate. 

The Cookie-Locator App was clearly the most popular. 

Even began designing the plans for my river of chocolate with the Graham cracker rafts and ginger paddles. 

Met some supermodels who said they liked my style. 

Got engaged to a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model

Everything was going great. Better than I could have ever imagined. 

Until, ... 

Someone snapped their fingers; and I awoke from my hypnotic state and lost everything. 

Everything! 

Including my engagement to that fair-weather Sports Illustrated swimsuit model

I knew I would wake up at some point; just didn’t think I’d lose everything. 

I’d been so diligent too, avoiding musicals, restaurants and bars, think tanks, anywhere where someone might snap their fingers. 

But somebody called me and snapped their fingers over the phone. After I came to, I could hear laughing before that person hung up. Sounded a lot like Old Man Caruthers. 

I knew I should’ve put fresh batteries in his remote! 

Oops. Excuse me. Gotta go. IRS agents are barging in. 

Hmm. I wonder what they want.

Blessings & Joy,

P.S. This is a work of comedy/parody. All rights reserved. 

Uploaded on May 14, 2011 by
GuidedTrance




 
   

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