it isn’t paranoia,
if …
you start fires.
That’s pyromania.
They sound alike,
so it’s easy to get confused.
Just remember, one’s chilly;
and the other’s hottie.
One goes well with marshmallows;
and the other. …
Well, the other could too.
How about this?
With one it’s much easier to make s’mores;
with the other?
Not so much.
Speaking of hotties, ...
Jerry Seinfeld:
You know you’re getting old
when you get that one candle on the cake.
It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
Woody Allen:
I was in analysis,
you should know that about me.
I was in group analysis when I was younger,
‘cause I couldn’t afford private.
I was Captain of the latent paranoid softball team.
We used to play all the neurotics on Sunday morning.
Nail-biters against the bed-wetters.
And if you’ve never seen neurotics play softball,
it’s really funny.
I used to steal second base,
and feel guilty, and go back.
Dean Burkey:
What’s the appeal of cats?
They’re like raising adolescents.
Only you can’t make cats mow the lawn and wash the car.
Oh wait, that is the same as adolescents.
Mitch Hedberg:
I tried to throw a yo-yo away.
It was impossible.
Steven Wright:
Everywhere is within walking distance
if you have the time.
Jerry Seinfeld:
You know you’re getting old
when you get that one candle on the cake.
It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.”
Woody Allen:
I was in analysis,
you should know that about me.
I was in group analysis when I was younger,
‘cause I couldn’t afford private.
I was Captain of the latent paranoid softball team.
We used to play all the neurotics on Sunday morning.
Nail-biters against the bed-wetters.
And if you’ve never seen neurotics play softball,
it’s really funny.
I used to steal second base,
and feel guilty, and go back.
Dean Burkey:
What’s the appeal of cats?
They’re like raising adolescents.
Only you can’t make cats mow the lawn and wash the car.
Oh wait, that is the same as adolescents.
Mitch Hedberg:
I tried to throw a yo-yo away.
It was impossible.
Steven Wright:
Everywhere is within walking distance
if you have the time.
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