"Seasons Without Reason" Is Now on Kindle!

"Seasons Without Reason" Is Now on Kindle!

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

From the author of Holy Laughter!, Monster Laughs, Exit Strategies, and How to Write Comedy Jokes comes "Seasons Without Reason", a collection of hilarious short stories and essays. Giggles, groans, and guffaws await you! From dark humor to zany, from highbrow to slapstick, author/comedian Dean Burkey creates intriguing and hilarious worlds starting with the title piece about a wacky world indeed and ending with two scientists striving to discover the secret to comedy. Between these intrepid tales, fast-food becomes melodramatic, the voice of a famous cartoon mouse gets pegged as an informant by thugs, zombies eat bacon, space aliens might steal your laundry, the origins of comedy and golf lingo are revealed, Einstein offers fitness advice, a tight-rope walker in distress learns an insight into himself at the worst possible time, John Napier discovers the decimal point, and much, much more. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Born backwards on Christmas Eve, comedian Dean Burkey has always viewed the world from a different angle. A lifelong student of comedy, he finds humor in the strangest situations to create exciting and comical adventures. Dean enjoys performing improv comedy with the ImprovAddicts.

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For less than a gallon of gas, 

you can enjoy lots of laughs!

What if you don't have a Kindle? 

Oh no! What can you do? 

Click Here for Amazon's Free Kindle Reader Apps!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

        

Please Advise! Your Opinion Requested!

Please Advise! 

Your Opinion Requested!

I'm "Test-Marketing" Titles for My Next Book,

So Please Tell Me Which One(s) You Like Best:

"Some Body to Love"

"Exit Strategy"

"Exit Strategies"

"Looking for the Loopholes of Love"

"Love's Little Loopholes"

"Live, Laugh, Fake Your Death"

"Faking It"

"Short-Term Techniques 

to Avoid Long-Term Commitment"

"Till Death Does Us Part"

"Till Death Does Us Part; 

Or Until I Leave You; 

Whichever Comes First"

Many Thanks!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Monster Laughs Is Now on Kindle!

Monster Laughs Is Now on Kindle!

For less than a gallon of gas, 

you can enjoy a world of laughs!

What if you don't have a Kindle? 

Oh no! What can you do? 

Click Here for Amazon's Free Kindle Reader Apps!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

    

Writing Advice (Part 3)

Writing Advice (Part 3)*

Writing non-stop for 5 minutes works best first thing in the morning. 

First thing.** It’s only five minutes. 

Writing first thing after you wake up helps engage the creative right side of your brain. The side you want for writing something new. 

Or for finding solutions to a perplexing problem. As long as you focus your creative energies, you will find the answers you seek. 

Even if you don’t write anything worthwhile in that first five-minute non-stop writing session of the day, you’ve engaged the right side of your brain. 

Later in the day. Or maybe in the middle of the night. Often while you busy yourself with something else. Ideas will pop into your head. Seemingly from nowhere. 

But you put the order in when you focused your thoughts during your first-thing-of-the-day writing session. The idea coming to you suddenly is just the delivery of that idea you ordered. 

So write that idea down and work with it as much as you can. Especially when it first comes to you. Don’t edit yet. Just let your creativity flow. 

Later, go back and edit. Edit like the wind!


For best results, write non-stop for at least five minutes first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening. Right when you wake up and just before you go to sleep. 


Concentrate on what you want to accomplish in the evening; and work on finding solutions/answers in the morning. This approach engages your subconscious while you sleep. 


Feel free to write non-stop for at least five minutes throughout the day too, but don’t neglect to do so first thing and last thing as well. 


First thing, last thing, and as often as you want in-between. That should jump start your writing immensely.

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

* See Writing Advice and Writing Advice (Part 2).

** Are there tricks to prevent yourself from making a mess by delaying what you usually do first thing? Depends. Or put a pen and paper near your porcelain furniture.

The Perfect Plan: Foiled! (Part 2)

The long-awaited sequel 
to my previous post: 

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!

So I listed the Ruffles potato chip that blessedly bore the image of the much beloved and dearly departed Mother Teresa on eBay. 


Although I listed the auction with an opening bid of $0.99, the price jumped to $13,675.92 within the first five minutes! 


The bidding climbed over two million dollars by nightfall. Thanks to Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and the Pope wanting to honor the blessed memory of Mother Teresa.  


Because nothing honors a person’s memory more than having a potato chip with that person’s face enshrined for all to see. 


An anonymous, underground group seeking global domination doubled the bid to four million at midnight, because they knew that whoever owned this potato chip would rule the world! 


Thanks to my adding that fun “fact” to the item description. I covered myself by tacking on a disclaimer that such claims cannot be substantiated; and since no one reads disclaimers, I was golden! Ka-Ching!


As the bidding soared over ten million, with Richard Branson not wanting to miss out on the auction action, I started to feel faint. 


You’d think I would’ve felt elated to make a fortune so easily. But in the excitement of the escalating bidding wars, I forgot to eat. 


Being hypoglycemic, I feared another episode, like the time I “Hulked out” and endangered the lives of an entire continent. 


(Sure, the continent was Antarctica; and the lives were penguins, but still, in my low-sugar-induced fury empowered by a hunger headache and a flamethrower, I almost torched that place which would’ve melted away the homes of those sweet, frigid creatures.) 


So I did what any person suffering from low blood sugar should do. I ate something. 


Unfortunately, I ate the first thing I could find. A potato chip. The Ruffles potato chip that was making my dreams come true. 


Continuing to eat, I wolfed down my beefy bean breakfast burrito that bore the image of Mahatma Ghandi. 


The worst part is, I still felt hungry, so I nibbled on a Nilla Vanilla wafer that looked like Nixon. 


I even ate a bundt cake with the face of St. Francis of Assisi.


Man, was I ravenous! Which didn’t make sense after my eating all those brownies my neighbor Cheech gave me. 


Shortly thereafter, I began seeing the faces of famous folks on food.


I’ll resume seeking fame and fortune after a double dose of Alka-Seltzer and a Colon Cleanse. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Please Note: This is a fictitious work of humor and parody with no maliciousness nor disparagement intended. Mother Teresa dedicated her life to serving others, especially those abandoned by society. Nothing in this post is meant to malign her memory or insult anyone else. Also, this blog does not endorse nor condone the use of illegal drugs. Even if they are baked into tasty brownies. The main character in this intrepid tale did not realize that he did or did not partake of such. Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eat a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, alien cyborg, or shape-shifter who must be destroyed. Or given a jar of peanut butter. Furthermore, any claims, implied or otherwise, that reading this blog will help you take over the world cannot be substantiated. But that’s no reason to cease funding. Because you never know. 

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!

I formulated the perfect plan 

to become a multi-multi-billionaire! 

I found an old plastic E.T. toy that still works! You pull the frayed, knotted string; and E.T. says: “Home”, “Elliott”, and “E.T., E.T., E.T.!” That’s over 30 years old, so that’s gotta be worth a fortune. 


My plan? Put it on eBay; and let Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get into a bidding war that rises half a million or more! Woo-Hoo! Big time here I come! 


Richard Branson sniper bids before the auction closes, bidding three million pounds! And though that’s worth a lot more than half a million dollars, I reject his bid, because I don’t know what it’s three million pounds of. 


Three million pounds of chocolate? Yes! I could melt it and row down a river of chocolate. All my dreams come true! As long as my Dream Woman’s riding in the raft with me. Wink-wink. 


(I’m sure my Dream Woman knows who she is, because I’m not subtle. I just hope her boyfriend doesn’t know who she is, because his fists aren’t subtle either.)  


Three million pounds of tuna? No way! Sorry, Charlie. Nothing against tuna. But I’ve seen enough episodes of “Let’s Make a Deal” to know that more than two cans of tuna is the booby prize. 


So Branson gets cut out of the deal, but Bill Gates still wins with his half a million dollar bid. I take that half a million and place it all on Lucky Lady to place in the fifth at 20 to 1; and bam! I’ve got ten million dollars! 


I use that ten million for Research and Development to devise a way for guys to meet girls without awkwardness for anyone involved; and bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire! 


Or I invest in a delicious new kind of candy that gives you super powers and fights cavities. Either way, bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire! 


Or I do both; and bam-bam! I’m a multi-multi-multi-multi-billionaire! 


And then I build my river of chocolate, so my Dream Woman wife and I can raft away the day in sweet ecstasy! Yay! 


So I go on eBay to get started on my illustrious and tasty path to fortune, only to find hundreds of those silly toys! 


One of which is listed for only four dollars, but still has no bids. 


No bids?! Are Bill and Warren on vacation this week? Can't Branson check eBay when he's orbiting the Earth? Don’t they like E.T.? Who doesn’t like E.T.? 


So now I need a new strategy. Hmm. I’m starting to notice how much this Ruffles potato chip looks a lot like Mother Teresa. Yay! I’ll let you know how the bidding goes!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Book Review: Heat Rises by Richard Castle*

Book Review: 

“Heat Rises” 
by Richard Castle*

This book is the sequel to “Naked Heat” which was the sequel to “Heat Wave”. I read “Naked Heat” and enjoyed that as mentioned in my blog post: Book Review: Naked Heat by Richard Castle* 


Although I haven’t read “Heat Wave” yet, I didn’t feel lost. If you’re a fan of the hit ABC TV show “Castle”, you won’t feel lost. The book presents itself as being the work of the title character of that show: Richard “Rick” Castle as portrayed superbly by Nathan Fillion. Nathan Fillion appears on the back cover; and the acknowledgments are written from Castle’s point-of-view. Also, the cover and such present other books “by Castle” too. 


The TV show features writer Castle tagging along with the NYPD to research his novels, specifically Detective Kate Beckett, portrayed superbly by Stana Katic, upon whom Castle bases his fictional character Detective Nikki Heat. 


In the book, as in the show, a writer tags along with the police department too. If you love the show, you should love the book. 


As with “Naked Heat”, the key to understanding this novel as being a “written episode” is that Nikki Heat is Kate Beckett; Jameson Rook is Castle; Ochoa is Esposito; Raley is Ryan; Lauren Perry is Dr. Lanie Parish; and the Chief is the Chief and the writer’s mother is the writer’s mother, only with different names. (The daughter doesn’t appear in this story. Otherwise, the characters match the characters from before Season 4. Season 4 has a different Chief.) 


Sensing a pattern here, I realize the producers of the hit ABC TV show “Castle” publish a new “Nikki Heat” book after each season. Clever, engaging marketing plan. You can't complain about this TV show causing illiteracy, because they encourage people to read. 


Like episodes of the show, the book presents a mystery with intrigue, suspense, and smatterings of humor. 


Notice how both the names Castle and Rook are chess pieces. 



Like its predecessor “Naked Heat”, “Heat Rises” includes some inside jokes. The main one being the mentioning of the word castle, the name of the show from which these books stem. 


Also, an ex-con being interrogated by Nikki Heat says he watched “Quantum of Solace” on Blu-Ray and then adds that Nikki Heat could be a Bond Girl. The joke being that Stana Katic who plays Kate Beckett the character upon whom Nikki Heat is based played a Bond Girl in “Quantum of Solace”. 


At the end of chapter nine, Rook (Castle) says the famous line from the Castle promos: “I really am ruggedly handsome, aren’t I?” 


On the first page of chapter sixteen, Rook mentions Malcolm Reynolds, the character Nathan Fillion portrayed on the show “Firefly” and in the movie “Serenity” before nabbing the role of Richard Castle on “Castle”. 

Not being censored by TV panels and such, the book drops the occasional F-bomb and such, but overall remains true to the spirit and fun of the TV show. 


I found “Heat Rises”, like “Naked Heat”, to be fun, engaging, and entertaining. Only “Heat Rises” struck me as better. The twists, the turns, etc. Not just more of the same, but improved! 


The murder of a priest turns a conspiracy that threatens the lives of Nikki Heat and those around her. Including Rook. Even the Captain comes under suspicion! 


As long as you enjoy smart, suspenseful thrillers with wit and charm, you should enjoy “Heat Rises”. If you’re a fan of “Castle”, you should love “Heat Rises”!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

* Richard Castle is a character on the hit ABC TV show “Castle”, so I don’t know who really wrote this book. 

Book Review: The Secrets of the FBI

“What They Want You to Know”

Book Review: 

The Secrets of the FBI

I enjoyed “The Secrets of the FBI” by Ronald Kessler.


Intriguing information.
Told with such flare and style 
that it didn’t feel like non-fiction.


Although not a comedy, 
the book contained some enjoyable humorous moments. 


TacOps (Tactical Operations) sneaks into the homes of mobsters, suspected terrorists, etc. to plant surveillance equipment. Only they must do so when no one’s home to avoid being detected. And more importantly, to avoid being shot as intruders. They key is to put everything back exactly where they found it. 


At one home, the family cat darted out the door as the federal agents entered. A team of highly-trained FBI agents spent about an hour chasing after a cat! The first thing the FBI listens for over the bugs they planted is whether the occupants say something like: “That’s not where I left that.” Or any such indication that something’s amiss. The TacOps director told the cat-chasing team they did an excellent job placing everything back in its proper place. Only one problem: They brought back the wrong cat!


Besides sharing fun anecdotes, the book reveals inside* information on several key historical incidents, such as Waco, the spy swap with Russia, Osama Bin Laden’s demise, and much, much more. 


Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

* Or like my cousin’s son-in-law Daniel said at a recent family reunion: “What they want you to know.”

Writing Advice (Part 2)

Writing Advice (Part 2)*

Writing for five minutes non-stop works better for non-fiction. You pick a topic, break it down into 10-15 chapter ideas; and then break those down into 2-3 subtopics. Research as needed; and then write non-stop for five minutes or so on each subtopic. Then go back to tweak the subtopics and unite them into chapters; and then join the chapters together to create a nonfiction book with seamless chapter transitions and an overriding flow. **

For fiction, think of the hook, the premise, and whatever else pops into your head. Consider the “Trailer Moments”: The iconic moments that stand out and would thus appear in the trailer for the movie if your story, novel, or especially your screenplay, becomes a movie. Knowing you have Trailer Moments helps you focus on what’s important. 


Figure out a basic structure to the story. Outline as needed. And then write. Write like the wind! When you really get into the writing; and everything’s flowing, you’ll find yourself writing for a lot longer than five minutes. I’ve had entire days slip by while I wrote. Woke up while it was still dark outside; and then wrote until after sunset. With minimal eating or other breaks. That’s when it’s fun. When you write and lose track of time. 


The other fun time is after you’ve finished the first draft. The write non-stop, don’t edit yourself, first draft. And then you go back to edit. But you think of something super dee duper that’s organic to the story, fits perfectly, and improves everything. Improvements that fit are fun!*** Especially funny improvements that fit; especially if you’re writing a comedy. 


Keep writing. Best to you with all your creative endeavors. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

* See Writing Advice for Part 1.


** Nick Daws: “Write Any Book In Under 28 Days”. 2004. An informative. engaging CD course that advocates writing in spurts of five non-stop minutes.

*** See “I Love the Tweaking Stage!”.

He Is Risen! He Is Risen Indeed! Alleluia!

He Is Risen! 

He Is Risen Indeed!
Alleluia! 





Luke 24:5b-7 (NKJV): 
“Why do you seek the living among the dead? 
He is not here, but is risen! 
Remember how He spoke to you 
when He was still in Galilee, saying, 
‘The Son of Man must be delivered 
into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, 
and the third day rise again.’”

Uploaded by MichaelWSmithVEVO on Oct 24, 2009

Uploaded by Grindael on Mar 26, 2010

Uploaded by sneedge on Jun 7, 2007


Uploaded by MarkcusResurrection on Feb 1, 2012

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Travel Around the Country and the World for Only $14.95*

Travel Around the Country 

and the World for Only $14.95*

With the rising price of gas making trips more expensive, you can travel around the country, and even the world, for only $14.95* with a great** book -- “Monster Laughs” -- a secular sci-fi comedy adventure novel by the author of “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible” comedian Dean Burkey. 


Join Edward Thomas Hunter, a.k.a. The Mystery Hunter, as he battles beings from this world and beyond. Beginning with Dracula in New York and culminating with the climactic duel to the death with Charlie Change-O in Chicago, the Hunter faces all kinds of crazy creatures, from classic monsters like the Werewolf, Frankenstein’s Monster, and more to new villains like the Blue Moon Monkey Man. 

Each hilarious** chapter/adventure stand on its own, while a story weaves throughout this comedy novel.




“Monster Laughs” lives up to its name providing not only an array of monsters, but a variety of hysterical** sight gags and visual jests as well. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

* The $14.95 price doesn’t include shipping costs and $1.05 for Florida where applicable.

** The opinions expressed herein are those of the author himself. Yes, the same guy who thinks he’s cool to be around and loads of fun at parties. As far as we know, no one disagrees with this assessment. At least not to his face. Not when he’s around sharp objects. Or juggling nuclear warheads. 

Treat Yourself to Something Special This Easter!

Treat Yourself to 
Something Special This Easter!

Product Description

Comedian-Written & Pastor-Approved!

With the “Divine Comedy” in Scripture, such as Elijah’s sarcastic insults to the prophets of Baal and the slapstick absurdity of David faking insanity, as well as Dean Burkey's comedic commentary, readers should enjoy laughter of biblical proportions.

And not just any kind of laughter. Holy Laughter!

Finding humor in every book of the Bible, this book answers such intriguing questions as:

* Which book of the Bible is like a textbook on how to write a great comedy?

* What’s so funny about a handkerchief?

And more importantly:

* What makes a great gift for birthdays, confirmation, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, anytime?

Also includes lots of funny headings and one-liners, an insightful inspection of the Resurrection of Christ: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used”, “The Ultimate Movie Trailer!”, clever character sketches of Simon Peter, Pontius Pilate, and more!

Examples of the one-liners:

Although many have tried, Moses is the only man in history to break all Ten Commandments at the same time.

Get right with God;
or be left with Satan.

Why do people pray for me to have patience, instead of praying for God to give me what I want right now?!

Play “The Crosscheck Cookie Game!”
Whenever you find a wordplay with the word cross
in Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible: Eat a cookie.
… Or to be more fun: Eat a hot cross bun.
… Or to be healthy, eat a carrot.

For example:

How did Mary make the Messiah’s sash?
… She cross-stitched.

Christian books are cross-referenced.

The answers to “The Crosscheck Cookie Game!” can be found at:
http://heaven-bent.blogspot.com/p/crosscheck-cookie-game-answers-for.html

To make sure that this book does more than just entertain, the Parting Thoughts section explains the glorious Gospel message.

Share the Joy of the Lord!
We’re called to be born again; not bored again.

About the Author

Born backwards on Christmas Eve, comedian Dean Burkey has always viewed this world from a different angle.

With "Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible", he combines two of his lifelong loves -- Comedy and The Bible -- to present the humor that's in The Word and uncover other funny thoughts therein.

Having attended a variety of churches, such as Alliance, Assembly of God, Baptist, Calvary Chapel, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, and more, Dean wrote this book to be enjoyed by believers and seekers alike.

The Resurrection Section 
"For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used"
Alone Is Worth* More than $2.99!


Plus, the Rest** of the Book Is Devoted to Comedy!


Clean, Christian Comedy
... a.k.a. Holy Laughter!


Bless Yourself with This Special Treat!


Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Even if You Don't Own a Kindle, 
You Can Still Enjoy the Kindle Edition With:

* Please Note: This is the opinion of the author. But I think we can trust his opinion, because he's such a decent chap and a totally awesome, all-around cool guy.***

** The Epilogue Presents the Gospel Message. Thus, Both the Resurrection Section and the Epilogue May Become a Bit Dogmatic, Whereas the Rest of the Book Focuses on Finding the Funny! But Even the Resurrection Section Has Some Humor Too. And the Epilogue Has the Favorite Line of Mine from the Entire Book. Not the Funniest Joke of the Book, But the Quote for Which I Want Most to Be Quoted.

*** Please Note: This is more a fantasy, wish, and dream of the author than an opinion grounded in what we like to call reality. But lots of people have told me how much they enjoy the book, so let's trust them. Besides, I know the author worked a lot to make the book the best he could.