Showing posts with label River of Chocolate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label River of Chocolate. Show all posts

Monday, November 12, 2012

Happy Veteran's Day!


Happy Veterans Day!


Happy Veteran’s Day?  

That doesnt sound right; does it?  

Isn’t that like saying Happy Day of Atonement?  

Or Happy Ash Wednesday?  
Or even something along the lines of the freakish phrases: Fun Funeral, Delightful Death, or Appealing Apocalypse. 

I feel sad that the world has wars (a.k.a. conflicts) and that we can’t just all get along.  The universe has more than enough resources, if only we would all just learn to trust and share.  

But it’s like the Earth is a Mega-Giant Screen HD 3-D Plasma TV; and each country wants control of the remote.  

Can’t we let each other take turns watching our favorite shows?  

Or cant we build multiple monitors, metaphorically speaking, so everyone can enjoy the proverbial programming of his/her own choice all the time?  

Apparently not.  

At least, not yet.  

So we do have wars (a.k.a. conflicts), which is why we need the brave people who help protect our way of life and our very lives, which is why I say:   

Thank you to our veterans who served our country well; and thank you to our current military and other civil servants who daily risk their lives to protect us and help us live in peace.  

And so, my friends, I hope that one day soon, we can all get along and work together, not only to create a wonderful world without war, but to create a wonderfully, wonderful world, where everyone can wear marshmallow life-jackets while paddling down a river of chocolate in a peanut butter raft with graham cracker oars, accompanied by his/her own favorite supermodel clone.  

Blessings & Joy,

P. S. Please enjoy how British comedy troupe Monty Pythons Flying Circus presents a different kind of warfare in their sketch The Killer Joke: 

This video was uploaded to YouTube by  on Mar 13, 2007




 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!


I formulated the perfect plan 
to become a multi-multi-billionaire



I found an old plastic E.T. toy that still works! You pull the frayed, knotted string; and E.T. says: “Home”, “Elliott”, and “E.T.E.T.E.T.!” That’s over 30 years old, so that’s gotta be worth a fortune. 


My plan? Put it on eBay; and let Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get into a bidding war that rises half a million or more! Woo-Hoo! Big time here I come! 


Richard Branson sniper bids before the auction closes, bidding three million pounds! And though that’s worth a lot more than half a million dollars, I reject his bid, because I don’t know what it’s three million pounds of. 


Three million pounds of chocolate? Yes! I could melt it and row down a river of chocolate. All my dreams come true! As long as my Dream Woman’s riding in the raft with me. Wink-wink. 


(I’m sure my Dream Woman knows who she is, because I’m not subtle. I just hope her boyfriend doesn’t know who she is, because his fists aren’t subtle either.)  


Three million pounds of tuna? No way! Sorry, Charlie. Nothing against tuna. But I’ve seen enough episodes of “Let’s Make a Deal” to know that more than two cans of tuna is the booby prize


So Branson gets cut out of the deal, but Bill Gates still wins with his half a million dollar bid. I take that half a million and place it all on Lucky Lady to place in the fifth at 20 to 1; and bam! I’ve got ten million dollars! 


I use that ten million for Research and Development to devise a way for guys to meet girls without awkwardness for anyone involved; and bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire


Or I invest in a delicious new kind of candy that gives you super powers and fights cavities. Either way, bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire


Or I do both; and bam-bam! I’m a multi-multi-multi-multi-billionaire


And then I build my river of chocolate, so my Dream Woman wife and I can raft away the day in sweet ecstasy! Yay! 


So I go on eBay to get started on my illustrious and tasty path to fortune, only to find hundreds of those silly toys! 


One of which is listed for only four dollars, but still has no bids. 


No bids?! Are Bill and Warren on vacation this week? Can't Branson check eBay when he's orbiting the Earth? Don’t they like E.T.? Who doesn’t like E.T.


So now I need a new strategy. Hmm. I’m starting to notice how much this Ruffles potato chip looks a lot like Mother Teresa. Yay! I’ll let you know how the bidding goes!



Blessings & Joy,