The long-awaited sequel
to my previous post:
to my previous post:
So I listed the Ruffles potato chip that blessedly bore the image of the much beloved and dearly departed Mother Teresa on eBay.
Although I listed the auction with an opening bid of $0.99, the price jumped to $13,675.92 within the first five minutes!
The bidding climbed over two million dollars by nightfall. Thanks to Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and the Pope wanting to honor the blessed memory of Mother Teresa.
Because nothing honors a person’s memory more than having a potato chip with that person’s face enshrined for all to see.
An anonymous, underground group seeking global domination doubled the bid to four million at midnight, because they knew that whoever owned this potato chip would rule the world!
Thanks to my adding that fun “fact” to the item description. I covered myself by tacking on a disclaimer that such claims cannot be substantiated; and since no one reads disclaimers, I was golden! Ka-Ching!
As the bidding soared over ten million, with Richard Branson not wanting to miss out on the auction action, I started to feel faint.
You’d think I would’ve felt elated to make a fortune so easily. But in the excitement of the escalating bidding wars, I forgot to eat.
Being hypoglycemic, I feared another episode, like the time I “Hulked out” and endangered the lives of an entire continent.
(Sure, the continent was Antarctica; and the lives were penguins, but still, in my low-sugar-induced fury empowered by a hunger headache and a flamethrower, I almost torched that place which would’ve melted away the homes of those sweet, frigid creatures.)
So I did what any person suffering from low blood sugar should do. I ate something.
Unfortunately, I ate the first thing I could find. A potato chip. The Ruffles potato chip that was making my dreams come true.
Continuing to eat, I wolfed down my beefy bean breakfast burrito that bore the image of Mahatma Ghandi.
The worst part is, I still felt hungry, so I nibbled on a Nilla Vanilla wafer that looked like Nixon.
I even ate a bundt cake with the face of St. Francis of Assisi.
Man, was I ravenous! Which didn’t make sense after my eating all those brownies my neighbor Cheech gave me.
Shortly thereafter, I began seeing the faces of famous folks on food.
I’ll resume seeking fame and fortune after a double dose of Alka-Seltzer and a Colon Cleanse.
Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey
Please Note: This is a fictitious work of humor and parody with no maliciousness nor disparagement intended. Mother Teresa dedicated her life to serving others, especially those abandoned by society. Nothing in this post is meant to malign her memory or insult anyone else. Also, this blog does not endorse nor condone the use of illegal drugs. Even if they are baked into tasty brownies. The main character in this intrepid tale did not realize that he did or did not partake of such. Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eat a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, alien cyborg, or shape-shifter who must be destroyed. Or given a jar of peanut butter. Furthermore, any claims, implied or otherwise, that reading this blog will help you take over the world cannot be substantiated. But that’s no reason to cease funding. Because you never know.
