My Favorite Heaven-Bent Blog Posts from 2012

Last Friday,
I reposted my Heaven-Bent blog post 

as my post for My Favorite Blog. 

But today, 

I repost my post for My Favorite Blog 

as my Heaven-Bent blog post. 

While I enjoyed my book and movie reviews 

(including the incredibly popular post: Shark Movies), 

as well as my writing advice, 

encouraging/inspirational posts, 

and my own recipes, 

I must say that these are ...

My Favorite

Heaven-Bent Blog Posts

from 2012

by Dean Burkey

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!

and it's even funnier sequel:

The Perfect Plan: Foiled! (Part 2)

I enjoyed those two, 

because I think that was the first time 

I wrote a crazy story for a blog (part 1 anyway) 

based on something from my life. 

I merely exaggerated the events to create the comedy. 

I enjoyed part 2 

if only because of the silly picture I made as shown above. 

At the very least, 

these two posts inspired me to write crazy stories 

as if they actually happened to me. 

Such as ... 

Photo Sources:

My sampling of http://modernmarketingjapan.blogspot.com/2011/06/stunning-revelation-tokyo-man-grows.html, http://www.michael-jackson-photos.com/, and http://elvis-presley-fanclub.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html.

Jacko, Elvis, and The Albino Bigfoot

If only because of the silly picture 

I put together as shown above! 

But also, I think this was my first time 

teaming with either Elvis or Michael Jackson. 

Although technically, 

we didn't interact in that adventure. 

But we sure did in my favorite post(s) of all time, 

if only because of its epic nature, my 6-part post ...

Beggar Gone Bad, 

The Unexpected Peril of Paramotoring 

Down the Dragon’s Hole

Inside the Hollow Earth

The Perfect Ploy to Take Over the World

Is This Really The End?

This is my favorite, 

not only because of the 6-part epic quality, 

but also because of the cliffhangers 

at the end of the first 5 posts. 

Sometimes, even I didn't know 

what was going to happen next! 

Plus, I got to hang out with Elvis and Jacko, 

which is always fun. 

I enjoy hanging out with celebrities, real or imagined; 

and I also enjoy sci-fi adventures, 

like this one ...

Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks

Fun, because I used actual photographs 

from the Civil War where certain soldiers back then 

looked like famous actors from today! 

Which, believe it or not, 

made my unbelievable story believable. 

Or not.

My secret favorite ... 

Photo Source:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007P7DHJ2

This Is Crazy! A Call Me Maybe Exposé

Fun, because I listened to the song backwards 

and made note of whatever weird phrases I heard. 

This one got a lot of hits too! 

So why is this my secret favorite? 

It's all so silly. (Like many of my posts are.) 

Plus, perhaps, I'm embarrassed 

that I like that song as much as I do. 

So those are 

My Favorite Heaven-Bent Blog Posts from 2012. 

At least the ones that I can think of. 

In a way, all of them are my favorite, 

or I wouldn't post them. 

(Unless I'm in a hurry 

and have to post something!)

These have all been works of comedy/parody.

Thank you for joining me on my adventures! 

And welcome to you if you're new!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

Article Source: http://www.myfavoriteblog.com/2013/01/my-favorite-heaven-bent-blog-posts-from.html

   

Currently* FREE* on Amazon Kindle:

    

    

    

    

   

Click Here for More Currently* FREE* Kindle Books!

Click Here for Some** Currently* FREE* MP3 Downloads!

* The prices for these books (and most** of the MP3s) were FREE at the time of this posting, but the prices are subject to change at any time, so be sure to get your FREE copies while you can. Just be sure the book listing says "Kindle Price: $0.00". If the price has gone up, some of these aren't that costly in the first place anyway.

Even if you don't have a Kindle, you can still enjoy these FREE books by clicking the FREE Kindle Reading Apps banner above.

** Not all the MP3s listed are free, so check the price before buying.

The Perfect Plan: Foiled! (Part 2)

The long-awaited sequel 
to my previous post: 

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!

So I listed the Ruffles potato chip that blessedly bore the image of the much beloved and dearly departed Mother Teresa on eBay. 


Although I listed the auction with an opening bid of $0.99, the price jumped to $13,675.92 within the first five minutes! 


The bidding climbed over two million dollars by nightfall. Thanks to Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and the Pope wanting to honor the blessed memory of Mother Teresa.  


Because nothing honors a person’s memory more than having a potato chip with that person’s face enshrined for all to see. 


An anonymous, underground group seeking global domination doubled the bid to four million at midnight, because they knew that whoever owned this potato chip would rule the world! 


Thanks to my adding that fun “fact” to the item description. I covered myself by tacking on a disclaimer that such claims cannot be substantiated; and since no one reads disclaimers, I was golden! Ka-Ching!


As the bidding soared over ten million, with Richard Branson not wanting to miss out on the auction action, I started to feel faint. 


You’d think I would’ve felt elated to make a fortune so easily. But in the excitement of the escalating bidding wars, I forgot to eat. 


Being hypoglycemic, I feared another episode, like the time I “Hulked out” and endangered the lives of an entire continent. 


(Sure, the continent was Antarctica; and the lives were penguins, but still, in my low-sugar-induced fury empowered by a hunger headache and a flamethrower, I almost torched that place which would’ve melted away the homes of those sweet, frigid creatures.) 


So I did what any person suffering from low blood sugar should do. I ate something. 


Unfortunately, I ate the first thing I could find. A potato chip. The Ruffles potato chip that was making my dreams come true. 


Continuing to eat, I wolfed down my beefy bean breakfast burrito that bore the image of Mahatma Ghandi. 


The worst part is, I still felt hungry, so I nibbled on a Nilla Vanilla wafer that looked like Nixon. 


I even ate a bundt cake with the face of St. Francis of Assisi.


Man, was I ravenous! Which didn’t make sense after my eating all those brownies my neighbor Cheech gave me. 


Shortly thereafter, I began seeing the faces of famous folks on food.


I’ll resume seeking fame and fortune after a double dose of Alka-Seltzer and a Colon Cleanse. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey

Please Note: This is a fictitious work of humor and parody with no maliciousness nor disparagement intended. Mother Teresa dedicated her life to serving others, especially those abandoned by society. Nothing in this post is meant to malign her memory or insult anyone else. Also, this blog does not endorse nor condone the use of illegal drugs. Even if they are baked into tasty brownies. The main character in this intrepid tale did not realize that he did or did not partake of such. Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eat a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, alien cyborg, or shape-shifter who must be destroyed. Or given a jar of peanut butter. Furthermore, any claims, implied or otherwise, that reading this blog will help you take over the world cannot be substantiated. But that’s no reason to cease funding. Because you never know. 

The Perfect Plan: Foiled!

I formulated the perfect plan 

to become a multi-multi-billionaire! 

I found an old plastic E.T. toy that still works! You pull the frayed, knotted string; and E.T. says: “Home”, “Elliott”, and “E.T., E.T., E.T.!” That’s over 30 years old, so that’s gotta be worth a fortune. 


My plan? Put it on eBay; and let Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get into a bidding war that rises half a million or more! Woo-Hoo! Big time here I come! 


Richard Branson sniper bids before the auction closes, bidding three million pounds! And though that’s worth a lot more than half a million dollars, I reject his bid, because I don’t know what it’s three million pounds of. 


Three million pounds of chocolate? Yes! I could melt it and row down a river of chocolate. All my dreams come true! As long as my Dream Woman’s riding in the raft with me. Wink-wink. 


(I’m sure my Dream Woman knows who she is, because I’m not subtle. I just hope her boyfriend doesn’t know who she is, because his fists aren’t subtle either.)  


Three million pounds of tuna? No way! Sorry, Charlie. Nothing against tuna. But I’ve seen enough episodes of “Let’s Make a Deal” to know that more than two cans of tuna is the booby prize. 


So Branson gets cut out of the deal, but Bill Gates still wins with his half a million dollar bid. I take that half a million and place it all on Lucky Lady to place in the fifth at 20 to 1; and bam! I’ve got ten million dollars! 


I use that ten million for Research and Development to devise a way for guys to meet girls without awkwardness for anyone involved; and bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire! 


Or I invest in a delicious new kind of candy that gives you super powers and fights cavities. Either way, bam! I’m a multi-multi-billionaire! 


Or I do both; and bam-bam! I’m a multi-multi-multi-multi-billionaire! 


And then I build my river of chocolate, so my Dream Woman wife and I can raft away the day in sweet ecstasy! Yay! 


So I go on eBay to get started on my illustrious and tasty path to fortune, only to find hundreds of those silly toys! 


One of which is listed for only four dollars, but still has no bids. 


No bids?! Are Bill and Warren on vacation this week? Can't Branson check eBay when he's orbiting the Earth? Don’t they like E.T.? Who doesn’t like E.T.? 


So now I need a new strategy. Hmm. I’m starting to notice how much this Ruffles potato chip looks a lot like Mother Teresa. Yay! I’ll let you know how the bidding goes!

Blessings & Joy,

Dean Burkey