Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures
Wouldn’t You Rather Have Your Humor Be Heaven-Bent Than Bent The Other Way?
Whether Dean backpacks with Bigfoot in Bermuda, time-travels with movie stars, or inadvertently destroys worlds beyond ours, this guy knows how to have fun! Enjoy his crazy, quite possibly insane, adventures!
What will Dean do with the billions he makes by his books? Find out inside! And encourage billions of others to do so too. Especially if they buy them all and pay full price!
Inventive, funny, suspenseful, each story provides a mini-vacation away from the burdens of your day. So get your ticket to fun now; and start reading. Destination: Comedy! Full of new funny jokes and guaranteed to make you laugh.*
Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside!
Check out the Table of Contents! The actual “adventures” don’t start until “The Perfect Plan: Foiled!” (or “Spice Boy”, or “My O.B.E.”, depending on how you define adventure). We included a few “non-adventurous” pieces to lay the groundwork for the adventures, or because they related somehow, or we just thought they were funny. Or simply to pad the book to make it look more impressive!
Although most of these crazy, intrepid, and entertaining tales stand alone, they still tie together to build to a shock ending.
Snippets
Proof that this is a work of fiction: I did not put peanut butter on the brownies. If you see me eating a brownie without first applying peanut butter, that is not me, but an evil clone, an alien cyborg, or a shape-shifter who must be destroyed! Or given a jar of peanut butter.
Don’t forget to wrap your head in aluminum foil too, so those intergalactic fiends can’t read your mind. Otherwise, no one else in the field of extra-terrestrial relations will take you seriously.
The pinwheel hat is optional.
My secret sources on this matter are uncharacteristically convoluted and unclear about the exact details. But why would somebody post something on the Internet, if it’s not true?
The “handsomest” of them resembled Bigfoot. Only with ZZ Top beards and a Snidely Whiplash mustache. Strange race indeed.
And that was just their women!
I don’t want to be remembered for that! Instead, remember me for my sense of humor, thoughtfulness, and great legs. Best of all would be being remembered for being Rachel Bilson’s trophy husband!
They had the dumbest entertainment too! Some dude in a designer pinstriped suit waved a pocket watch back and forth while chanting repeatedly: “You will do as I say. You will do as I say.”
Never thought I’d wind up in jail.
An asylum? Sure. It’s a such crazy world, you’d be nuts not to go insane.
Don’t fall in love with a psycho; she’ll only break your heart. Or cut it out and feed it to the pigeons.
I’m too exciting for most women. The majority of them want someone boring. It’s true. Their date ads say they don’t want men who play games.
But I say, what’s wrong with Pictionary?
It’s like charades on paper!
Good times to be sure. But if Andy Warhol’s words are true, about each person getting his/her own 15 minutes of fame, I’ve still got another 14 minutes and 57 seconds coming!
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Keywords: Comedy, Fiction, Action, Adventure, Science Fiction, Suspense, Fantasy, Humor, Humour, Satire, Parody, Spoof, Thrills, Jokes, Elvis, Jacko, Bigfoot, Abominable Snowman, Loch Ness, Nessie, Sci-Fi, Insanity, Funny Jokes, Funny, Fun, Supermodels, Chocolate, Shock Ending.
* Each entry's like a mini-vacation to Funny Town. You never know with whom Dean will hang out. Elvis, Jacko, Bigfoot, Nessie, and more! I guarantee you'll find something in this book to make you laugh. If not, return it in less than a week; and Amazon should issue a refund. You have nothing to lose and lots of laughter to gain, so scroll up; and click the Buy button now!
Whatever Man
Uploaded on Jun 1, 2007 by
More Excerpts:
Because nothing honors a person’s memory
more than having a potato chip
with that person’s likeness enshrined for all to see.
_______
a hefty Non-Superhero Tax to billionaires
who aren’t superheroes,
to fund folks who want to be superheroes,
but can’t afford the exorbitant costs
of costuming and gadgetry.
_______
Isn’t that sweet?
She wanted to thank me
for helping her bury her grandfather
in a new vegetable garden in her backyard.
She couldn’t afford a coffin or a burial plot,
so I helped her out, because I know how tough times are.
The weird thing is,
her grandfather resembled her husband
who’s been missing ever since.
_______
backpacking in Bermuda,
we decided to go camping.
Sadly, many campground owners are raving species-ists.
They don’t allow “animals” to stay at their campgrounds.
More sadly, um, sadliericious,
they think of Bigfoot as an animal and not a hairy uncle.
_______
Read Yesterday’s Post:
Why Some Kindle Authors
Make Their Books
Available for FREE
_______
Escape From Braddock Forest
Published on Feb 28, 2013 by
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