Bigfoot’s fun and all,
but after backpacking in Bermuda,
canoeing in California (with sharks!),
and staving off a radioactive Crab Cake invasion,
I think we both got on each other’s nerves.
I decided to get away from Biggie a bit
and find a job on a cruise ship heading to Scotland.
That way, not only would my trip overseas
not cost me anything,
I’d make some spending money too.
Yay me!
I figured I could be the comic.
Captain Thaddeus Steele of the USS Taskmaster
chuckled at the thought; and said,
“By the looks of ya’, ya’ belongs in the steam room.”
I tried not to blush at the obvious compliment.
The steam room didn’t sound so bad.
I’d rather entertain the other guests
and get paid to make them laugh.
But I figured I could still joke around
with the other passengers
as I hand them towels in the steam room.
So I signed on for the trip.
Well, I should’ve known!
The steam room job wasn’t nearly
as easygoing as I hoped.
Captain Steele was quite a grouch too.
Slow with a quip; quick with a whip.
I shoveled coal into the furnace of a steam engine
fourteen hours a day!
And the trip took thirteen days!
After the steamship docked, I got paid,
hauled my luggage out of port,
and rented a deep blue Infinity,
which I drove to Urquhart Castle.
I was supposed to meet Nessie
by the shore there six days prior.
(Nessie’s a sweet lass you may know better
as the Loch Ness Monster.
But I’d never call her a monster.
Unless we’re down to the last chocolate chip cookie.
‘Cause then, she can be a real monster!
Won’t even entertain the notion of going halfsies.
No wonder so many demented sea captains
want to harpoon her!)
The steamship didn’t have an Internet connection,
so I couldn’t let her know I’d be late.
but after backpacking in Bermuda,
canoeing in California (with sharks!),
and staving off a radioactive Crab Cake invasion,
I think we both got on each other’s nerves.
I decided to get away from Biggie a bit
and find a job on a cruise ship heading to Scotland.
That way, not only would my trip overseas
not cost me anything,
I’d make some spending money too.
Yay me!
I figured I could be the comic.
Captain Thaddeus Steele of the USS Taskmaster
chuckled at the thought; and said,
“By the looks of ya’, ya’ belongs in the steam room.”
I tried not to blush at the obvious compliment.
The steam room didn’t sound so bad.
I’d rather entertain the other guests
and get paid to make them laugh.
But I figured I could still joke around
with the other passengers
as I hand them towels in the steam room.
So I signed on for the trip.
Well, I should’ve known!
The steam room job wasn’t nearly
as easygoing as I hoped.
Captain Steele was quite a grouch too.
Slow with a quip; quick with a whip.
I shoveled coal into the furnace of a steam engine
fourteen hours a day!
And the trip took thirteen days!
After the steamship docked, I got paid,
hauled my luggage out of port,
and rented a deep blue Infinity,
which I drove to Urquhart Castle.
I was supposed to meet Nessie
by the shore there six days prior.
(Nessie’s a sweet lass you may know better
as the Loch Ness Monster.
But I’d never call her a monster.
Unless we’re down to the last chocolate chip cookie.
‘Cause then, she can be a real monster!
Won’t even entertain the notion of going halfsies.
No wonder so many demented sea captains
want to harpoon her!)
The steamship didn’t have an Internet connection,
so I couldn’t let her know I’d be late.
I figured she’d be mad,
but I never thought Nessie
would be accused of murder!
TO BE CONTINUED ...
Meeting Someone Newed to Me
Meeting Someone Newed to Me
Published on Feb 14, 2013 by
CBS
Bill Cosby:
Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell the name will carry.
Dean Burkey:
Watched stocks never rise.
Unless they’re stocks you don’t own.
Chris Rock:
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did.
That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse.
But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
George Carlin:
Think of how stupid the average person is;
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Steven Wright:
I planted some birdseed.
A bird came up.
Now I don’t know what to feed it.
Please Note: The following contains some mature topics. CBS
Bill Cosby:
Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell the name will carry.
Dean Burkey:
Watched stocks never rise.
Unless they’re stocks you don’t own.
Chris Rock:
I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did.
That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse.
But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.
George Carlin:
Think of how stupid the average person is;
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Steven Wright:
I planted some birdseed.
A bird came up.
Now I don’t know what to feed it.
The Late Show with Dav... :
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