Easter Cheer

Easter Cheer

by
Dean Burkey

Photo Source: Olde Naples Chocolate

Today is Good Friday. 
Christianity is the only religion that calls the day 
their Founder got killed a good day. 

And I think they call this week Holy Week, 
because they’re busy hiding Easter eggs in holes. 

In honor of Holy Week and Easter, 
the gym’s offering Pontius Pilates.  

It’s just like regular Pilates, 
but afterwards, 
there’s a lot more hand-washing.

I think Easter reached the point 
of over-commercialization 
when they started making chocolate crucifixes.  

Is that suppose to ward off chocolate vampires?  
“Count Chocula, how did you get in here?  
No problem, I have one of these!”    

If Jesus married Mary Magdalene; 
and they had a Child, 
could that Baby crawl on water?

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

P. S. Have a safe and happy holiday weekend!

Uploaded on Aug 10, 2011 by
lwentertainment

From 
“Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible”:
Christian books 
are cross-referenced.

From 
“Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible”:
When Jesus carried lumber for Joseph, 
He was cross training.

From 
“Faith like a Ketchup Seed”:
Some people say The Bible is 
God’s Love Letter to humanity, 
but I think The Bible’s far more significant 
than a note from God asking us: 
“Do you like Me?  Check one.”

From 
“Faith like a Ketchup Seed”:

Is it still considered walking on water 

if the water is frozen; 

and the “water-walker” wears skates? 

From 
“The Christian Comedy Combo Platter!”:
Why would they pave Paradise 
to put up a parking lot?  
Instead, they should pave Hell 
to put up an ice cream stand.

Tim Hawkins - Hedge of Protection

Uploaded on Nov 1, 2009 by
mauler90

Christian Comedy Combo Platter!

Christian Comedy Combo Platter!

by Dean Burkey

Book Description

Publication Date: February 23, 2013

Two books in one: “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible” and “Faith like a Ketchup Seed”, updated, with new bonus material not featured in either book before.

Comedian-Written & Pastor-Approved!

Christian comedy!

(Mostly comedy. A few parts are serious. Such as the sad story of an ice cube in “Faith like a Ketchup Seed”. Yeah, that’s right. It melts.)

“Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible”

With the “Divine Comedy” in Scripture, such as Elijah’s sarcastic insults to the prophets of Baal and the slapstick absurdity of David faking insanity, as well as Dean Burkey’s comedic commentary, readers should enjoy laughter of biblical proportions.

And not just any kind of laughter. Holy Laughter!

Which makes this the perfect book for anyone, because everyone needs to laugh.

Especially those who don't think they need to laugh. They need to laugh the most!

Includes lots of funny headings and one-liners, an insightful inspection of the Resurrection of Christ: “For Sale: One Tomb, Slightly Used”, “The Ultimate Movie Trailer!”, clever character sketches of Simon Peter, Pontius Pilate, and more!

Play “The Crosscheck Cookie Game!”

Whenever you find a wordplay with the word cross in "Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible": Eat a cookie. ... Or to be more fun: Eat a hot cross bun. ... Or to be healthy, eat a carrot.

“Faith like a Ketchup Seed”

Essays, blog posts, Bible studies, devotions, short stories, stand-up routines, jokes, even a skit and a sci-fi tale. Family-friendly. Sunday school-friendly. Even pulpit-friendly!

Learn my theories that prove the existence of God.

Wonder why an ice cube can make you cry. (I know, I already told you he melts, but why he melts is what makes this story so moving.)

Find out why I’m obsessed with wanting to walk on water.

Laugh guilt-free. If you enjoy “Holy Laughter!”, you’ll love “Faith like a Ketchup Seed” too.

Good, clean fun. And I mean that, in a Godly, Christian way.

The New Bonus Material includes Special Bonus Features for “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible” including Deleted Scenes.

Extra Bonuses include: “The Loving Ten Commandments of God”, “Marry Mary Christmas! 

(A Monologue for Joseph)”, “The Hardest Part about Forgiveness”, “What I Like about the Devil”, “Remember, You’re Already Beautiful”, and my famous funny and/or thought-provoking fillers.

Product Details File Size: 340 KB Publisher: Heaven-Bent (February 23, 2013) Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc. Language: English ASIN: B00BKP6BCU Text-to-Speech: Enabled  X-Ray: Not Enabled  Lending: Enabled

Blessings & Joy,
Dean Burkey


For more fun with comedy, 
every week day, 
check out: 
Comedy Jokes Blog


Uploaded on Oct 5, 2009 by
KoolAndTheGangVEVO

Thank You Warren Buffett!

Thank You 
Warren Buffett!

by Dean Burkey
 
Photo Source:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001OD41DY

I dreamt I met Warren Buffett! Theee Warren Buffett!

As we walked out of a lecture at FSC, I told him it was destiny that we met, because the day before I read a book that said to get a picture of the richest man in the world.

“Oh.” He smiled his famous multi-billionaire smile. “My picture inspires you?”

“No, actually,” I said, somewhat embarrassed. “I got a picture of Carlos Slim Helú. He’s the richest. Never mind. And, um, no offense.” 

As Warren’s (I mean, Mr. Buffett’s) famous multi-billionaire smile wilted, I knew I’d put both feet in my mouth. I could even taste my socks! 

But even so, recognizing the amazing opportunity before me, I still asked him for his secret to getting rich. 

He sighed, like maybe he’d heard that question before. 

His aide asked if he was coming along, but he said he’d stay. 

Happy to hear how to create wealth from someone who clearly knows, I giggled with delight. But in a macho giggly way. 

We sat in the middle of a classroom where a few students studied off to the side. 

The lights were too bright for him, so I kept trying to adjust the switch where he wouldn’t be bothered, but I could still see. 

He said he wanted them at half, so I put the two light switches at half, but he wanted one of them at half and the other turned off completely, so I said, “You want them at a fourth.” 

Seeing a wave of exasperation sweep across his face, I said, “Half is fine” and decided not to bicker over the quarter/half issue, even though I was clearly right in that regard. 

As I yanked out my notebook, which has a promo cover for my first book “Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible”, Warren (I mean, Mr. Buffett) said “The first thing is stocks.” 

Obviously, I wanted to write that down, but I kept trying to find a blankety-blank blank page upon which to write. 

Although I couldn’t find a blankety-blank blank page, I eventually asked what the second thing was; and he said to read the newspaper USA Today. 

And so, the only advice I got from my dream meeting with Warren Buffett was stocks and read USA Today. 

If you know how that will make me rich, please let me know. 

Looks like I need to eat the same spicy food tonight that I ate last night, so I can continue my dream seminar. 

Otherwise, I’ll call Carlos (I mean Señor Helú) and ask: “¡Hola mi amigo! ¿Cómo se enriqueció usted?”*

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

* [Hello my friend! How did you get rich?]

Although I did actually dream that I met Warren Buffett, this is still a work of humor/parody.

warren buffett strategy

Uploaded on May 22, 2011 by
Amit Agarwal
10 must know investment principles of warren buffett

Currently* FREE* 
on Amazon Kindle:

  

   
 
 
 
 


Click Here for More Currently* FREE* Kindle Books!

Click Here for Some** Currently* FREE* MP3 Downloads!

* The prices for these books (and most** of the MP3s) were FREE at the time of this posting, but the prices are subject to change at any time, so be sure to get your FREE copies while you can. Just be sure the book listing says "Kindle Price: $0.00". If the price has gone up, some of these aren't that costly in the first place anyway.

Even if you don't have a Kindle, you can still enjoy these FREE books by clicking the FREE Kindle Reading Apps banner above.

** Not all the MP3s listed are free, so check the price before buying. 

Faith like a Ketchup Seed

Faith like a Ketchup Seed

It's not the faith of a mustard seed, 

but it still guides me through life 

and tastes great on hot dogs.

-- Dean J. Burkey

For less than a buck on Kindle, 

you can enjoy lots of laughs, 

possibly find inspiration, 
and maybe cry a tear or two. 

I said can, possibly, and maybe. 

I make no guarantees, 

but I do feel emphatic that you will find 

at least one or two things that you love 

and one or two that you hate. 

(Or don't love as much.)

A few of my favorites are: 

An Ice Memoir (One Molecule Can Make a Difference), 

Church Skit: Interview with Jesus, 

Across the Multiverse, and 
Upside-Down Sharks Prove the Existence of God.

Your favorites might differ from mine completely. 
That's the power of variety.
And the joy of subjectivity.

Unfunny folks who cannot comprehend satire and parody 

may find themselves offended by: 

You're a Christian What?!, Stalker Almighty, 

Satan's Cereals, and more. 

Sadly, some people can't find the humor 

in a ham and cheese sandwich 

being possessed by dark forces.

(Which shows how little they know about nutrition.) 

Faith like a Ketchup Seed 

makes a great companion piece to my first book: 

Holy Laughter! Humor in the Bible. 

Enjoy them both for less than four dollars. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean