Please let me know
if you enjoy Heaven-Bent Humor.
Thank you.
Source: François Detemmerman
Photo Source:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5c/Traffic_Lights.jpg/640px-Traffic_Lights.jpg
if you enjoy Heaven-Bent Humor.
Thank you.
Source: François Detemmerman
Photo Source:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5c/Traffic_Lights.jpg/640px-Traffic_Lights.jpg
I want my heart to be in the right place.
So I don’t want to wish anyone ill.
Except maybe the guy who invented speed bumps.
Me personally. Except maybe the guy who invented speed bumps.
I don’t come in like a wrecking ball.
I’m not a home-wrecker.
I don’t want to the be the third thumb.
Or the extra nostril.
Especially during cold season.
The only three-way I like
involves peanut butter, chocolate, and bananas.
With computer dating,
women judge you
by the size of your motherboard.
When it comes to relationships,
Rodney Dangerfield:
One year they wanted to make me poster boy
... for birth control.
Jerry Seinfeld:
I was audited last year.
I have been through an audit.
Even though I.R.S. kind of sounds like Toys R’ Us,
they’re not fun people.
There’s things they could do to liven up the audit.
I think they should take all your receipts
and put them in one of those
big, lucite sweepstakes drums,
and just crank it around—you know,
give you a feeling like you might win something.
Then they can pull ‘em out one by one and go,
“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s another illegal deduction.
But we do have some nice lovely parting gifts for you
... Jail.”
Dean Burkey:
Youth is wasted on the young.
Spandex is wasted on the elderly.
Rod Schmidt:
I brought a mirror to Lovers’ Lane.
I told everybody I’m Narcissus.
Steven Wright:
I love to go shopping.
I love to freak out salespeople.
They ask me if they can help me,
and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?”
Then they ask me what size I need,
and I say, “Extra medium.”
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