Guilty Pleasures

Photo Source: Chocolate Chips Cake by MALIZ ONG

Guilty Pleasures

by
Dean Burkey

Some videos are funny and offensive at the same time!
Which makes them guilty pleasures. 

I used to enjoy Andrew Dice Clay's humor long ago, 
before he became just offensive 
and stopped being funny. 

I don't know if I'd like Sarah Silverman as much, 
if she wasn't so incredibly cute!
But she says horrendous, 
yet somehow hilarious, 
comments too. 
While having coffee with Jerry Seinfeld, 
she mentioned the following video, 
so I watched it: 

Lots of rough language, but I think most, if not all, of it got bleeped out. 

(But you still know what they're saying!)

Jamie Foxx Ruins A Not Funny Comedian

Uploaded on Oct 13, 2006 by smiffyd433

I felt guilty enjoying that so much, 
because I wouldn't want to get heckled like that, 
especially not by the emcee! 
But I read where Jamie warned that guy ahead of time 
that it would be a tough crowd; 
and Doug's reply was: 
"Yeah, whatever." 
So Jamie did what he had to do, 
to keep the show funny; 
and he made it hilarious! 

Another guilty pleasure 
is comedian Anthony Jeselnik!
He has such jokes as: 

Anthony Jeselnik: 
Whenever I meet a pretty girl, 
the first thing that I look for is intelligence. 
Because if she doesn't have that, 
then she's mine. 

That's one of the few I can quote.
Some I can't even tell close friends, 
because they'd never understand.
They might even feel hurt. 

His style is arrogant, vulgar, and offensive, 
but he looks charming and has a nice smile. 

Just like Sarah Silverman, 
maybe the comedy stems from the juxtaposition 
of someone who looks nice 
saying such horrid things; 
and then smiling. 

In his breakthrough comedy writing system 
Breaking Comedy's DNA, 
Jerry Corley calls this comedy trigger: 
Ambivalence. 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Some rough language; offensive, but funny!
Some of this is so horrifying, you might not like it.
Somehow this guy makes the horrifying hilarious!

Anthony Jeselnik

Published on Jan 20, 2013 by bluboy21

Anthony Jeselnik: 
My girlfriend makes want to become a better person. 
So I can get a better girlfriend. 

Andrew Dice Clay: 
Little Boy Blue. 
He needed the money! 

Dean Burkey: 
I’m not bipolar. 
I’m equatorial. 

Sarah Silverman:
I don't care if you think I'm racist. 
I just want you to think I'm thin.

Jerry Seinfeld:
Men and women will never understand each other; 
my advice is to just stop trying. 
Just forget it. 
I know I will never understand women. 
I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, 
pour it onto your upper thigh, 
rip the hair out by the root
...and still be afraid of a spider.

Jerry Corley:
I was trying to teach my five-year-old 
how to tie her shoes. 
She was like, "Dad! I can't Dad, I can't!" 
I said, "How many times have I told you 
not to use that word? ... I am not your Dad."

More rough language and funny offensiveness:

Anthony Jeselnik tells funny Stand-up joke

Published on Aug 24, 2012 by xerikox

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Bigfoot

Bigfoot

by
Dean Burkey

Me & Biggie at the Beach*

(Little Known Fact: Sure, Bigfoot’s got big feet, but he’s short!)

Bigfoot’s a lot of fun. 
But he’s always so confused about everything. 
Must be ADHD. 
Always so easily distracted. 
That’s why he always looks so blurry. 
He can’t focus! 

Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Skunk Ape. 
Especially after eating beans. 

If Bigfoot ever asks you to pull his finger, 
don’t! 
Unless you’re wearing a gas mask. 
And you don’t care about the people 
within a quarter-mile radius. 

Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Abominable Snowman. 
But that’s only when he lets his dandruff get out of whack. 

Bigfoot likes to smoke cigars, 
because they make him feel big. 

Some folks fear Bigfoot and consider him a monster. 
But he’s really not. 
Not as long as he has a large spoon 
and a hefty pudding cup. 

Bigfoot’s a hugger. 
Which would seem nice and endearing. 
If it weren’t for all his fleas. 

Bigfoot married Nessie, 

whom some easily frightened folks 
refer to as the Loch Ness Monster. 
Their kids are gonna be the biggest, hairiest, 
and blurriest creatures of land and sea. 
But if their kids fly, 
Biggie’ll know Nessie’s been unfaithful. 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

* Photo Sources: Me: Family Trip 2011.

Bigfoot: http://www.hollywood.com/static/movie-monsters-worth-rebooting

But who needs to write jokes, 
when you can just rip paper? ...

Baby Laughing Hysterically at Ripping Paper (Original)

Uploaded on Jan 24, 2011 by BruBearBaby

Bill Cosby: 
Fatherhood is 
pretending the present you love most is 
soap-on-a-rope. 

Rodney Dangerfield: 
When I was a kid I got no respect. 
The time I was kidnapped; 
and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, 
“We want five thousand dollars; 
or you’ll see your kid again.” 

Dean Burkey: 
An actual story inspired by fictional events. 

Mitch Hedberg: 
What kind of music do you like?
The kind where the instruments are in tune. 

Steven Wright: 

When I’m not in my right mind, 

my left mind gets pretty crowded. 

Jerry Seinfeld at Queens College

Published on Oct 20, 2012 by Gil Raitses

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Life’s a Beach

Photo Source: Holiday Beach by Debbie Waumsley

Life’s a Beach

by
Dean Burkey

Life’s a beach; 
and then you fry. 
... Clams that is. 

The beach is the reason men work out; 
and women tuck in. 

The beach is where you go lie in the sun, 
but only after you lather on so much sunscreen 
that you might as well as stayed indoors. 
Standing on the beach 
next to the ocean can make one feel insignificant. 
But then again, so can standing in line 
at the Social Security office. 

The beach can have a calming effect on our senses. 
Make us feel serene. 
Unless some idiot next to us feeds the seagulls. 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Adobe Photoshop Makeup Parody

Published on Oct 26, 2012 by TechVidsChannel

Bill Cosby: 
Gray hair is God’s graffiti.

Rodney Dangerfield: 
My father had his own way of showing love. 
He always carried around the picture of the kid 
who came with his wallet. 

Dean Burkey: 
I’m someone who wants more out of life; 
and less out of death. 

Mitch Hedberg: 
I know people who believe in ghosts, 
but don’t believe in themselves. 
It’s sad. Okay, 
you don’t think you’ll ever make it as a musician, 
but last night you saw a translucent caveman. 

Steven Wright: 

24 hours in a day; 24 beers in a case. 

Coincidence? 

George Carlin- "Everyday Expressions"

Uploaded on Jul 4, 2009 by doctrDave

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It’s Called Private Messaging for a Reason

Photo Source: Abstract Background 1 by Виталий Смолыгин

It’s Called Private Messaging 
for a Reason

by
Dean Burkey

What part of Private Messaging 
don’t people understand? 

Some people post the strangest, most invasive, 
personal questions and comments 
on people’s Facebook pages. 
But here’s an idea: 
If it’s a private message, 
send it as a, get this, 
a Private Message. 

Your family, friends, and associates 
don’t need to know if the anti-itch cream 
helped to clear things up. 

The only problem with Private Messaging 
is when you have a bunch of people 
as part of the same Private Message, 
but then someone who’s on Facebook 
at the same time as you 
posts a comment to that Private Message, 
but it pops on your computer 
as an Instant Message. 

So you think you’re in a private conversation 
with just that person. 
But then you make personal comments 
that you don’t want the others to know. 

Or you voice your less than favorable opinions of them. 

Oops! 
You try to claim that what they read 
that you said was taken out of context. 

But they’re right in replying, 
“How can ‘he’s such a selfish, self-righteous tool’ 
be taken out of context?” 

And, sadly, they’re right in firing you too. 

Which is why you shouldn’t be Facebook friends 
with your boss or contacts thereof. 

Unless you create a different account with an alias, 
so you can post whatever you want 
between you and your friends. 

“Wow! That bluesniper7 sure runs through 
a lot of tubes of anti-itch cream!” 

All the Best,

Dean Burkey

Snuffy The Seal - Funniest commercial of 2013

Published on Jun 23, 2013 by TheCodKingz10

George Carlin: 
Think of how stupid the average person is; 
and realize half of them are stupider than that. 

Jerry Seinfeld: 
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: 
a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. 

Dean Burkey: 
Lately, I’ve been reading like crazy! 
I wear a straightjacket and turn the pages with my nose.  

Mitch Hedberg: 
I tried to have a cookie; 
and this girl said, “I’m mailing those cookies to my friend.” 
So I couldn’t have one. 
You shouldn’t make cookies untouchable. 

Steven Wright: 
I have a large seashell collection, 
which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. 

Some folks may find some of the following language offensive.
But try to look past that, because this is brilliant!

George Carlin - Modern Man

Uploaded on Feb 13, 2009 byHollywise23

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