Bigfoot
Me & Biggie at the Beach*
(Little Known Fact: Sure, Bigfoot’s got big feet, but he’s short!)
Bigfoot’s a lot of fun.
But he’s always so confused about everything.
Must be ADHD.
Always so easily distracted.
That’s why he always looks so blurry.
He can’t focus!
Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Skunk Ape.
Especially after eating beans.
If Bigfoot ever asks you to pull his finger,
don’t!
Unless you’re wearing a gas mask.
And you don’t care about the people
within a quarter-mile radius.
Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Abominable Snowman.
But that’s only when he lets his dandruff get out of whack.
Some folks fear Bigfoot and consider him a monster.
But he’s really not.
Not as long as he has a large spoon
and a hefty pudding cup.
Bigfoot’s a hugger.
Which would seem nice and endearing.
If it weren’t for all his fleas.
refer to as the Loch Ness Monster.
Their kids are gonna be the biggest, hairiest,
and blurriest creatures of land and sea.
But if their kids fly,
Biggie’ll know Nessie’s been unfaithful.
All the Best,
But he’s always so confused about everything.
Must be ADHD.
Always so easily distracted.
That’s why he always looks so blurry.
He can’t focus!
Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Skunk Ape.
Especially after eating beans.
If Bigfoot ever asks you to pull his finger,
don’t!
Unless you’re wearing a gas mask.
And you don’t care about the people
within a quarter-mile radius.
Bigfoot’s sometimes called the Abominable Snowman.
But that’s only when he lets his dandruff get out of whack.
Bigfoot likes to smoke cigars,
because they make him feel big.
because they make him feel big.
But he’s really not.
Not as long as he has a large spoon
and a hefty pudding cup.
Bigfoot’s a hugger.
Which would seem nice and endearing.
If it weren’t for all his fleas.
Bigfoot married Nessie,
whom some easily frightened folks refer to as the Loch Ness Monster.
Their kids are gonna be the biggest, hairiest,
and blurriest creatures of land and sea.
But if their kids fly,
Biggie’ll know Nessie’s been unfaithful.
All the Best,
* Photo Sources: Me: Family Trip 2011.
But who needs to write jokes,
when you can just rip paper? ...
Bill Cosby:
Fatherhood is
pretending the present you love most is
soap-on-a-rope.
Rodney Dangerfield:
When I was a kid I got no respect.
The time I was kidnapped;
and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said,
“We want five thousand dollars;
or you’ll see your kid again.”
Dean Burkey:
An actual story inspired by fictional events.
Mitch Hedberg:
What kind of music do you like?
The kind where the instruments are in tune.
Steven Wright:
When I’m not in my right mind,
my left mind gets pretty crowded.
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