Showing posts with label Jackie Mason. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jackie Mason. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Movie Review: Life Is Beautiful


I originally scheduled this post for last Wednesday, 
but instead I posted about my screenplay 
John 3:16 Beautiful Savior 
being on Kindle. 
(See my previous post: 
John 3:16 Beautiful Savior Is Now On Amazon)
Here then is my original post 
which was supposed to appear last week:

Movie Review: 
Life Is Beautiful
Reviewed by
Dean Burkey


Reviewing this film feels apropos for this week, 
even though I watched this amazing movie years ago 
and can’t provide too many vivid details. 
But then again, I wouldn’t want to anyway. 
I don’t want to spoil the powerful experience 
of seeing this fantastic film for yourself. 

Co-writer, co-director, and star Roberto Benigni 
brings to life a captivating and well-blended comedy/drama/romance. 

The IMDB snippet description at 
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118799/ says: 
“A Jewish man has a wonderful romance 
with the help of his humour, 
but must use that same quality 
to protect his son in a Nazi death camp.”

Sounds crazy to think someone could make 
a comedy about a concentration camp, 
but the creators of “Hogan’s Heroes” 
succeeded in that bizarre genre as well. 

This is far more than a sitcom 
or just a strange, unique, funny film 
about being oppressed by Nazis. 
This is the story of a father’s love for his son. 

He cares so much for his son 
that he goes to great lengths to shelter him 
from the reality of the horrors they face. 

I don’t know how to express 
how touching and beautiful this movie is. 

My only suggestion is to see it for yourself. 
I watched it, because I heard 
how awesome this movie is; 
and I’m glad I did. 

You will laugh; 
and you will cry. 

Or you’re a hollow, rusty tin man 
who needs to traipse down 
a long and winding yellow brick road 
to beg the Wizard for a heart. 

I give Life Is Beautiful 
the constellation Cepheus.
Which means:  

Five out of five stars. 

I only fear that my zeal for this movie 
will mess up your appraisal. 
When people say how great a movie is, 
I usually feel let down. 
But not with this film. 
Not if you want an emotional experience.

All the Best,




Uploaded on Apr 16, 2010 by
zuguidemovietrailers

Jerry Seinfeld:
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, 
a pretty violent image there. 
I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, 
maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem, 
try getting the harpoon out of your chest first!


Jackie Mason:
I was so self-conscious, 
every time football players went into a huddle, 
I thought they were talking about me.

Woody Allen:
I had once a pain in the chestal area. 
Now, I was sure it was heartburn, y'know, 
'cause at that time I was married; 
and my wife cooking with her Nazi recipes, 
y'know, chicken Himmler. 
I didn't wanna pay twenty-five bucks 
to have it reaffirmed by some medic, that I had heartburn. 
But I was worried 'cause it was in the chestal area. 
Then it turns out my friend, Eggs Benedict, 
has a pain in his chestal area, in the same exact spot. 
I figured if I could get Eggs to go to the doctor, 
I could figure out what was wrong with me, 
at no charge, so I con Eggs. He goes. 
Turns out he's got heartburn. 
Cost him twenty-five dollars, and I feel great, 
'cause I figured I beat the medic 
out of twenty-five big ones, y'know. 
Called up Eggs two days later - he died. 
I check into a hospital immediately, 
have a battery of test run and x-rays. 
Turns out I got heartburn. 
Cost me a hundred and ten dollars. 
Now I'm furious. 
I run to Eggs' mother, and I say: "Did he suffer much?" 
And she said: "No, it was quick. 
Car hit him and that was it."


Rita Rudner:
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. 

Rodney Dangerfield:
My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. 
He was in the electric chair. 



HOGAN'S HEROES PILOT EPISODE FULL VERSION part 1

Uploaded on Sep 14, 2011 by



HOGAN'S HEROES PILOT EPISODE FULL VERSION (last portion)

Uploaded on Sep 15, 2011 by

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A Clue about Debt


A Clue about Debt


Clean Comedy from Tim Clue - Debt

Uploaded on Jul 24, 2007 by

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. 
Unless I buy something.

Author Unknown:
Source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Debt/recent/2#ixzz2PIaItfV3
Answering Machine Messages - 22 (Debt):
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. 
Please leave your name and number after the tone. 
If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, 
please leave your message before the tone.

Author Unknown:
Source: http://www.5jokesaday.com/content/debt-jokes
Jerry Jones applied to a debt-collecting agency for a job, 
even though he had no experience.
He was very intense, 
so the manager gave him a tough account 
with the promise that if he collected, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Jerry returned – with the full amount!
"Amazing!" said the manager. 
"How on earth did you manage that?"
"Easy," replied Jerry, "I told him that if he didn't pay up, 
I'd tell all his other creditors he'd paid us."

Dean Burkey:
They say that debt 
is the number one destroyer of marriages. 
But I still think it’s divorce.

Author Unknown:
Source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Debt/recent/2#ixzz2PIaqIQcV
Some people are in debt because they spend 
what their friends think they make.

Steven Wright:
If all the nations in the world are in debt, 
where did all the money go?

All the Best,


Stand-Up Comedy "America's Debt" -Aaron Woodall

Uploaded on Nov 16, 2011 by

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Funniest Joke in the World

The Funniest Joke in the World
Author Unknown: 
Two hunters are out in the woods 
when one of them collapses. 
He doesn't seem to be breathing 
and his eyes are glazed. 
The other guy takes out his phone 
and calls the emergency services. 
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" 
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. 
First, let's make sure he's dead." 
There is a silence, 
then a gunshot is heard. 
Back on the phone, 
the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Read the official article here from CNN
Official! World's funniest joke

More Jokes:

Jackie Mason
My grandfather always said, 
"Don't watch your money; watch your health." 
So one day while I was watching my health, 
someone stole my money. 
It was my grandfather.

They say animal behavior can warn you 
when an earthquake is coming. 
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, 
our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

Author Unknown: 
A guy shows up late for work. 
The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" 
The guy replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Jack Benny walks down the street, 
when a mugger pulls out a gun and says: 
"Your money or your life!" 
An extremely long silence follows. 
Waving his gun, the mugger repeats: 
"Your money or your life!" 
Finally Benny says: "I’m thinking it over!"


Uploaded on Dec 19, 2006 by


 
 

All the Best, 
Dean


P.S. This was previously posted at my former Comedy Jokes Blog, before Google deleted it for reasons that are still unclear to me.