Monday, November 10, 2014

Vegan Gators & Veggie Sharks


Vegan Gators 

Veggie Sharks

Don’t think you’re safe, just because you swim upon a vegan gator, or a veggie shark. 

In the murky waters in which they dwell, and through their thick, clouded corneas, to them you look just like a screaming, splashing carrot. 

Or a spastic serving of succotash. 

And once they bite into you, all they see is ketchup. 


carrot top STARSEARCH

Published on Jun 24, 2012 by
Carrot Top

Mitch Hedberg:
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. 
I like when a guy is already in there, 
I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” 
Then I go turn the heat up; 
and I add some carrots and onions. 

Brian Regan
My doctor also told me to, uh, 
you know, uh, eat more fruit. 
So, I had some Pop Tarts this morning. 
Nice thin layer in there. 

Mitch Hedberg:
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. 
I tried to make it at home. 
There’s more to it than that. 

Dean Burkey:
(From “How to Write Comedy Jokes: 
How to Write All Kinds of Comedy Jokes Book 1): 
If only more people would become vegetarians, 
we’d get seated quicker at the steakhouse.

Mitch Hedberg:
If carrots got you drunk, 
rabbits would be messed up.



The vegetable "crisper" (Mark Schiff

- very funny stand-up comedy

Uploaded on Jul 11, 2011 by

No comments:

Post a Comment