Photo Source: The Donaldgeorge Productions production
of a Dean Burkey script*. (See the video below.)
Halloween is a sinister ploy devised by candy makers, costume creators, and dentists.
Put two holes in a designer sheet; and for Halloween, you can be the best-dressed ghost in town.
The problem with being a ghost is: No matter how great you perform, everyone will still say: “Boo!”
But not me boy, if I become a ghost, I’m going to encourage people, and say: “Yay!”
Why do we even need Halloween? Don’t most of us already spend most of our time pretending to be someone we’re not?
Besides, some folks fear that Halloween is the Devil’s holiday.
But what’s the problem?
Don’t we want that guy to take a day off?
We might achieve world peace ... if only we could get him to take a two-week vacation.
Naturally, the Devil would spend the whole two weeks in Bermuda.
Why not? That is where he keeps his triangle
.
Two weeks go by; and he comes back to his evil lair, his abode, if you will, in the underworld, at the end of the road paved with good intentions, only to discover the first-ever, all-demon glee club.
(Sing): “La-la-la-la-la-la.”**
… “Sing. Sing a song. Sing out happy. Sing out strong.”***
(Speak a la the Devil): “What is going on around here? I leave for two weeks and suddenly everyone is happy?! I don’t think so!”
(Normal): And there’d be one demon there named Ralph, okay, Raphael, but everyone calls him Ralph; and he’d say:
(Demon Ralph): “Aw man Harry, that’s a much better costume than you had before; you can’t even see the seams; and you sound just like him too. Ha-ha! You even have the vein popping out of your forehead just like he does when he’s really -- Oh hey Harry, why’d you switch back to your lousy costume? And how can you be right here when you’re over there? Ooooover there. Ooooooh noooooooo. He’s baaaaaack.”
(Devil): “That’s right, I’m back. Now who touched the thermostat? It’s way too chilly in here. And do I? Do I hear whistling? No one’s ever whistled here before! And how can I possibly hear yodeling? We don’t allow Swiss people in here; they’re God’s new chosen race. Because they always eat holy cheese.”
[And yes, that’s a terrible joke, but that’s the kind of so-called gruesome and tragic comedy that abounds at the Devil’s place. Cheesy jokes, insult humor, and overly realistic and horribly graphic slapstick.]
(Demon Ralph): “Wow, is he mad!”
(Demon Harry): “So? What’s he going to do? We’re already in -- Hello Evil One, welcome back to -- Yeeeowww!”
(Demon Ralph): “Why do you think he carries around that stupid pitchfork? Oh, no, no, no, I mean highly intelligent and remarkably fashionable pitch -- Yeeeowww!”
Put two holes in a designer sheet; and for Halloween, you can be the best-dressed ghost in town.
The problem with being a ghost is: No matter how great you perform, everyone will still say: “Boo!”
But not me boy, if I become a ghost, I’m going to encourage people, and say: “Yay!”
Why do we even need Halloween? Don’t most of us already spend most of our time pretending to be someone we’re not?
Besides, some folks fear that Halloween is the Devil’s holiday.
But what’s the problem?
Don’t we want that guy to take a day off?
We might achieve world peace ... if only we could get him to take a two-week vacation.
Naturally, the Devil would spend the whole two weeks in Bermuda.
Why not? That is where he keeps his triangle
. Two weeks go by; and he comes back to his evil lair, his abode, if you will, in the underworld, at the end of the road paved with good intentions, only to discover the first-ever, all-demon glee club.
(Sing): “La-la-la-la-la-la.”**
… “Sing. Sing a song. Sing out happy. Sing out strong.”***
(Speak a la the Devil): “What is going on around here? I leave for two weeks and suddenly everyone is happy?! I don’t think so!”
(Normal): And there’d be one demon there named Ralph, okay, Raphael, but everyone calls him Ralph; and he’d say:
(Demon Ralph): “Aw man Harry, that’s a much better costume than you had before; you can’t even see the seams; and you sound just like him too. Ha-ha! You even have the vein popping out of your forehead just like he does when he’s really -- Oh hey Harry, why’d you switch back to your lousy costume? And how can you be right here when you’re over there? Ooooover there. Ooooooh noooooooo. He’s baaaaaack.”
(Devil): “That’s right, I’m back. Now who touched the thermostat? It’s way too chilly in here. And do I? Do I hear whistling? No one’s ever whistled here before! And how can I possibly hear yodeling? We don’t allow Swiss people in here; they’re God’s new chosen race. Because they always eat holy cheese.”
[And yes, that’s a terrible joke, but that’s the kind of so-called gruesome and tragic comedy that abounds at the Devil’s place. Cheesy jokes, insult humor, and overly realistic and horribly graphic slapstick.]
(Demon Ralph): “Wow, is he mad!”
(Demon Harry): “So? What’s he going to do? We’re already in -- Hello Evil One, welcome back to -- Yeeeowww!”
(Demon Ralph): “Why do you think he carries around that stupid pitchfork? Oh, no, no, no, I mean highly intelligent and remarkably fashionable pitch -- Yeeeowww!”
Happy Halloween everybody!
And to all my Lutheran friends:
Happy Reformation Day!
* I wrote the script, but as it goes with scripts, some of the material got changed and other things were added.
** The Smurf Theme Song written by Hoyt Curtin, performed by Mander & One T, featuring The Smurphetz.
** The Smurf Theme Song written by Hoyt Curtin, performed by Mander & One T, featuring The Smurphetz.
*** Sing written by Joe Raposo for Sesame Street, performed by The Carpenters.
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