Showing posts with label Abominable Snowman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abominable Snowman. Show all posts

Friday, May 3, 2013

Just 3 Days Left!


Just 3 Days Left!
(Including Today)


Photo Source:
The photo of the author running from a Monster Crab
(a.k.a. Crab Cake Gone Wild)
is a mock-up still created by Brad Hudson using footage
from his film project “The Bad Clam”.
The background picture is A Cloudy Blue Sky by Photo Rack.

Thank you for getting my book for FREE 
on Amazon Kindle.

Please tell everyone you know 
about this awesome sweet deal too!

Instead of going into a long sales pitch, 
especially since you already got your copy, 
I'll just include some More Snippets!

But please realize that taken of context, 
some of these might not make much sense. 

And I'll try to realize that taken in context, 
some of these might not make much sense.

;o)

More Snippets!


I’ve never been to 
the General Grant National Memorial in Manhattan, 
so how could I possibly know 
who’s buried in Grant’s tomb? 
Or maybe Elvis is the Abominable Snowman! 
That would explain a lot.
Like, why is the Abominable Snowman 
always humming and shaking his right leg? 
How come he keeps growling on and on 
about heartbreak hotels and hound dogs? 
And why does his breath always wreak 
of peanut butter banana sandwiches?  
Certainly, a tank with a mortar launcher 
would be better than a Corolla with a slingshot.  
“Yeah, yeah, I see what you’re doin’ there. 
You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog; 
and you just wanna be her teddy bear.” *
“Don’t be cruel, Elvis. 
Not to a heart that’s true.” *
----------------------------------------
* References and allusions to Elvis Presley’s songs. 
“Hound Dog”, “(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear”, 
and “Don’t Be Cruel”. 
So I got clubbed by two angry guards. 
Three guards clubbed me, 
but the third one wasn’t angry. 
He just liked clubbing.

 Couldn’t tell what condition I was in. 
Was I paralyzed or just numb? 
Was I even alive? 
If I wasn’t alive, 
the P.R. guy for the afterlife 
did an excellent job of overselling it.


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Get This Super Fun Book for Super Fun FREE! May 1-5, 2013



Photo Source:
The photo of the author running from a Monster Crab
(a.k.a. Crab Cake Gone Wild)
is a mock-up still created by Brad Hudson using footage
from his film project “The Bad Clam”.
The background picture is A Cloudy Blue Sky by Photo Rack.

Book Description

 April 15, 2013

Heaven-Bent HUMOR: The DEAN Adventures


Wouldn’t you rather have your humor be Heaven-Bent than bent the other way?

Whether Dean’s backpacking with Bigfoot in Bermuda, time-traveling with movie stars, or inadvertently destroying worlds beyond ours, this guy knows how to have fun! Enjoy his crazy, quite possibly insane, adventures!

What will Dean do with the billions he makes by this book? Find out inside! And encourage billions of others to do so too. Especially if they pay full price!

Inventive, funny, suspenseful, each story provides a mini-vacation away from the burdens of your day. So get your ticket to fun now; and start reading. Destination: Comedy! 

Table of Contents


Funny Thing Is …
Powerful Panda Points and Other Super Thoughts
I Have Amazing Super Powers; and So Too Can You!
The Worst Nightmares Ever
How to Become a Superhero (Without Having Your Home Planet Explode)
I Drink String Beans!
The Perfect Plan: Foiled!
The Perfect Plan: Foiled! 2: Holy Chip!
Spice Boy!
My O.B.E.!
An Inconvenient Fiction
Mister Dean: The Party Animal!
As You Celebrate Independence Day, Ask Yourself This
Jacko, Elvis, and The Albino Bigfoot
Eyewitness Proof That Life Existed on Other Planets!
Why I Should Be a Billionaire
Getting Ready for the End of the World
Food Phobia
Joining the Dark Side
Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks
Dear Supermodels
My Epic 6-Part “Inside-Out” Adventure!:
Part 1: Beggar Gone Bad!
Part 2: The Unexpected Peril of Paramotoring
Part 3: Down the Dragon’s Hole!
Part 4: Inside the Hollow Earth!
Part 5: The Perfect Ploy to Take Over the World!
Part 6: Is This Really The End?
Me Jailed?! I Didn’t Know! Did You Know?
Me Jailed?! I Didn’t Know! Did You Know? 2: Locked Up During Lockdown
Don’t Fall in Love with a Psycho
What Makes a Psycho a Pyscho?
How to Turn a Video into a Movie
Sanity Check: Pass Or Fail?
The Wing Man’s Revenge
The Over-Salted Pretzel Conspiracy Theory
Aged to Perfection
Daunting Date Ads
Free Cookies Are Great, Even If They’re Crummy
Unfortunately, Fargon Is Now Far Gone
How We Spend Our Last Day on Earth Says A Lot About Who We Are
Don’t Mention It?
Silly Silly Bands
Hanging Out with Supermodels Is Fun
Thank You Warren Buffett!
How I Hypnotized Myself into Becoming Mega-Rich
Oh Honeybell, Honeybell, Orange You Glad I Finally Found You?
I Dream of the DirectTV Genie
I’m in Smokepoint’s New Music Video: "Escape from Braddock Forest”
Time-Traveling with Hollywood Hunks 2: The Uncivil Civil War
Backpacking with Bigfoot in Bermuda
Canoeing with Sharks
Canoeing with Sharks 2: Am I Really on the Menu?
Crab Cakes Gone Wild!
Getting Messy with Nessie:
Part 1: Captain Steele Is No Captain Stubing!
Part 2: Meeting Someone Newed to Me
Part 3: Ripples of Regret
Part 4: The Hunt Begins
Part 5: Harpooned in the Heart
Part 6: Facing the Real Monster
Part 7: A Real Blast
Part 8: Sweet Dreams
All’s Crazy That Ends Crazy

Snippets


Because nothing honors a person’s memory more than having a potato chip with that person’s likeness enshrined for all to see.

Don’t forget to wrap your head in aluminum foil too, so those intergalactic fiends can’t read your mind. Otherwise, no one else in the field of extra-terrestrial relations will take you seriously.
The pinwheel hat is optional.

The government should charge a hefty Non-Superhero Tax to billionaires who aren’t superheroes, to fund folks who want to be superheroes, but can’t afford the exorbitant costs of costuming and gadgetry.

Never thought I’d wind up in jail.
An asylum? Sure. It’s a such crazy world, you’d be nuts not to go insane.

Before you buy this book, take a Look Inside!



Product Details

  • File Size: 246 KB
  • Publisher: http://heaven-bent.com (April 15, 2013)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00CDGV9Q8
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled 
  • X-Ray: Not Enabled 
  • Lending: Enabled

More Snippets!


From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
With Jacko tagging along, 
I now know how the Abominable Snowman 
learned the Moonwalk. 
Silly yeti! 
He almost fell off a couple cliffs 
dancing backwards so much. 
Obviously trying to impress Jacko. 
Which also explains why the Abominable Snowman 
kept saying the word Thriller. 

From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
The “handsomest” of them resembled Bigfoot. 
Only with ZZ Top beards 
and a Snidely Whiplash mustache. 
Strange race indeed. 
And that was just their women! 

From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
I feel so sick, 
that National Geographic explorers 
keep coming to my house. 
Apparently, when I don’t feel well, 
I make the exact same sounds as a dying yeti. 
Or a plesiosaur giving birth. 

From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
The singing sensation continued, 
“Here, no one knows I faked my death; 
and no one knows me as Elvis, 
the King of Rock and Roll. 
Instead they know me as”--
--He led me into a cave 
filled with hundreds of primitive people 
who cheered at Elvis and shouted in unison: 
“Kimosabe!” 
“They think you’re the Lone Ranger?!” 

From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
The plaster started to crack, 
which meant that with just a little more pressure, 
I’d be pulled in half. 
Or pulled so far apart, 
I’d be left paralyzed from the eyebrows down. 
One side yanked; the other side yanked. 
Both sides yelled. 
It looked like this could be the end of me! 
So why couldn’t they wait one more day? 
Tonight’s supper was supposed to be PBJ Soufflé! 


From Heaven-Bent HUMOR: 
The DEAN Adventures:
 That was either Bigfoot crying because he missed me. 
Or the Scorpion King got his tail 
caught under an automatic garage door again. 
What a klutz!



All the Best,

Friday, July 6, 2012

Jacko, Elvis, and The Albino Bigfoot


Photo Source: **

While waiting for the download of a lengthy, but vital, video about how to defeat a certain Reptilian Race of Space Aliens (as explained in my previous blog: As You Celebrate Independence Day, Ask Yourself This:). Or it may have been an insightful documentary about mud-wrestling supermodels. 

Either way, I found myself with time to kill, so I did what I always like to do in such situations. Maybe you do the same thing too. Im sure everybody does this. ... 

I opened a portal to another dimension. 

Some people hijack UFOs

Others plunge through wormholes (which I find to be too tiny). 

But I just used a bobby pin to attach a rubber band to a particle accelerator, twisted the band real tight, and let her whirl! 

And maybe I attached some high-grade plutonium I borrowed from MacDill Air Force Base, but I admit nothing

Especially since I plan to return it. 

Eventually.  

Okay, its not always another dimension. Sometimes its glimpses of our own world. So Im not sure if this was our world. Or another. But heres what I found: 

Jacko hiking across the Himalayas with Elvis and the Abominable Snowman

A.k.a. The Albino Bigfoot

That is, the Abominable Snowman is also known as the Albino Bigfoot, not Elvis

Or maybe Elvis is the Abominable Snowman

That would explain a lot.

Like, why is the Abominable Snowman always humming and shaking his right leg? 

And why does his breath always wreak of peanut butter banana sandwiches


Yet he would be a little less abominable if he ate Altoids or chewed Eclipse gum. 

That is, the Abominable Snowman, not Elvis

Although at his age, even Elvis should chomp on some Dentyne to mask his denture stench.

Elvis being the Abominable Snowman would also explain the Albino Bigfoot’s mysterious Southern accent and his pronounced proclivity for gratitude, as he’s often quoted as saying: “Thank you. Thank you very much.” 

With Jacko tagging along, I now know how the Abominable Snowman learned the Moonwalk

Silly yeti! He almost fell off a couple cliffs dancing backwards so much. Obviously trying to impress Jacko

Which also explains why the Abominable Snowman kept saying the word Thriller.

Seriously, if he wasnt growling, he was saying this is a Thriller; and thats a Thriller. Doesnt he know that if everythings thrilling, nothing is thrilling? 



In the meantime, I’ll have to get my multi-dimensional portal fixed. Something’s wrong with the Locator Device. I wasnt supposed to locate JackoElvisand the Albino Bigfoot; I was supposed to find Emma Stone, Rachel Bilson, and the Loch Ness Monster.

Blessings & Joy,