Short of Tang, airline food
is the fastest fast food in the world.
Airline food is notch below fast food
and a cut above Soylent Green.
Airline food is like cafeteria food for adults.
Except you rarely risk being thrown in a dumpster
or given a wedgie.
Do airlines think high altitudes make us so delirious
that we’ll think the silly meals they serve are delicious?
If that trick worked,
all the finest restaurants would be on Mount Everest.
“What? Today’s Special is snow cones again?!”
I think the fact that restaurants don’t serve airline food
should clue the airlines into realizing
that what they serve isn’t real food.
“Garcon, for our appetizer,
we would like tiny packets of peanuts.
You know,
the kind that are difficult to open
without spilling the peanuts everywhere.
Yes, the ones with the glaze
that’s strangely reminiscent of nuclear fallout.”
Another clue that airline food isn’t real food
is that no one ever asks airlines to cater.
“In honor of their happy day,
the newly married couple invites you to join them
in trying to open a tiny packet of peanuts.”
Whether the people who receive their airline food
are happy to do so or not,
they all say the same thing: “Nuts!”
Mitch Hedberg:
I want to get a vending machine,
with fun sized candy bars;
and the glass in front is a magnifying glass.
You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
Brian Regan:
I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid.
It’s not working out too well.
Dean Burkey:
The lesser intelligent armed robbers
always get confused,
when authorities tell them to drop their arms
and put their hands in the air.
Steve Martin:
I've got to keep breathing.
It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.
Woody Allen:
I will not eat oysters.
I want my food dead.
Not sick, not wounded, dead.
No comments:
Post a Comment