The Over-Salted Pretzel Conspiracy Theory

The Over-Salted Pretzel 
Conspiracy Theory

Do you know why there’s too much salt on pretzels? 

The government makes the pretzel manufacturers do that, because having higher sodium levels in your body makes it easier for them, not only to read your mind, but to control what you think. 

Photo Source: http://www.freestockphotos.biz/stockphoto/17148
Photo by: Renee Comet acquired from National Cancer Institute (Website)
(Not the best pic, since most of the salt fell off!)

The government learned that trick by experimenting on those crashed space aliens in Area 51. 

They jacked them goobers up on pretzels and tortilla chips until their sodium levels flew off the charts. 

Forced them to send messages back to their home planet saying everything’s fine, please send another saucer filled with a free energy source that’s self-perpetuating. 

They keep the formula for that synthetic fuel replacement in a secret government vault along with the cures for cancer, the cold, and hiccups; as well as the formulas for Coca-Cola, KFC original recipe chicken, and the means for making pretzels hold more salt than the Dead Sea. 

The extra sodium also helps run the computer chips they implanted in your skull when you had your tonsils and/or wisdom teeth removed. 

If you ask any politician about the over-salted pretzel phenomenon, they’ll have Security taser you, no matter how much you beg them not to. 

Even if you call ‘em bro. 

Blessings & Joy,

Dean

Please Note: The above is a work of humor/parody. I’m almost entirely sure that space aliens aren’t out to get you. 

Uploaded by SonyPictures on Apr 5, 2010



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